Self-esteem and sustainability of marriage

We have already noted that many difficulties, crisis and conflict situations in the marriage life are almost impossible to consider when analyzing the motives for divorce. For example, on the basis of materials from divorce proceedings, it is impossible to draw any conclusions about the incompatibility of the views of the spouses on the worldview, the fundamental differences in their value orientations, different views on family life issues about how the unmet needs of the spouses affect the stability of marriage. It is difficult to say something definite and about what characterological characteristics of the spouses lead to conflict situations in the marriage life.

Each of the spouses, when entering into marriage, has an established system of values, that is, a system of individual perceptions of what is important and meaningful in life. In this area, spouses can have significant differences and even opposite opinions, judgments, estimates.

Let's consider in more detail the question of some needs of spouses and possible conflict situations on their basis.

The need to maintain and maintain self-esteem is closely related to such concepts as pride, vanity, self-esteem, and affects the deep layers of the psyche.

Insults, grievances arise when human dignity is infringed, when there is disregard for the person, disrespectful, rude attitude towards him. In marriage and family life, this need must be met, since we love only those who love and appreciate us.

As a rule, people seek recognition of the value of their personally these first of all among relatives, relatives, and also among friends. It is in such groups of friendly communication that a person desires to receive signs of attention, respect, and confirmation of his importance. The need to preserve and maintain self-esteem is a manifestation of a person's need for a positive evaluation of himself through the assessments and attitudes of others. This need has also caused a constant desire to experience self-esteem, since the latter is an indicator of inner mental harmony, the balance of our psyche.

There are two poles - high self-esteem, self-esteem and low, when a person reproaches, condemns himself for some misconduct. High self-esteem and self-esteem testify that the psychic life of the person proceeds without acute internal conflicts;and if they do happen, then the person copes with them quite successfully.

Sufficiently high self-esteem is an essential element of human's spiritual harmony. To maintain and maintain spiritual balance, harmony, it is extremely necessary to preserve and maintain a sense of dignity. Thus, it is not some whim of man, but a psychological necessity, a need.

Naturally, self-esteem and other aspects of the human "I" are closely related to the need for respect, attention, and concern from other people.

In those families where the couple treat each other scornfully, contemptuously, humiliating the feelings of the other, there is enmity, hatred, alienation. A similar group of conjugal unions is composed of so-called dysfunctional families. You do not need to be a psychologist, but rather carefully observe life, people's behavior, to determine how easy it is to offend a person, to hurt his self-esteem and how he deeply reacts to such disrespectful attitude towards him.

Analysis of human relationships shows that in the structure of personality the most painful and vulnerable is precisely the sense of self-esteem, self-esteem. It can be argued that the stability of marriage and satisfaction with family life depend on how the spouses treat each other, how the sense of self-worth is maintained and maintained at a sufficiently high level.

A person should experience positive feelings and emotions in relation to himself, which is possible only in conditions when others confirm their own self-esteem.

The data of modern psychology show that people in principle should love themselves, respect themselves. In this case, he will treat other people with kindness and friendliness. Thus, the relation to others turns out to be closely related to the attitude towards oneself, and vice versa. Here we observe the most complex dialectical connections and mutual influences of mental processes. Unfortunately, they are still poorly understood, and modern psychology has so far modest knowledge about them.

From the point of view of social psychology, marriage and family can be considered the most important reference groups.

The satisfaction of the need to be loved, respected, revered is in many cases a form of need for self-esteem. When satisfying the need to be loved, the person receives very important confirmatory positive information, without which her mental stability and steadiness is practically impossible. In case of dissatisfaction with such a need, the person can develop explicit or hidden "inferiority complexes".

In this case, the person needs to live in harmony with himself, therefore positive confirmation information about his value and importance is required.

Thus, the personality strives for the harmony and balance of his psychic life. The latter is a very important component of mental health.

It is important to keep in mind that people with a harmonious psyche will treat the difficult family situations in a completely different way than people who are mentally unbalanced, disharmonious.

The need for maintaining and maintaining self-esteem is closely related to the definition that a person gives to himself and which in that psychology has been called the "I-concept."

Here it is meant that each of us defines himself: who he is, gives himself a set of characteristics. However, all self-characteristics are not only a product of one's own subjective sensations, experiences, reflections. To some extent, they are based on the

opinion of loved ones, friends, comrades, parents, relatives. Of course, that in self-characteristics, subjective moments prevail. Every person is more or less inclined to give out his ideal "I" for really anyway, a person expects from his neighbors the supporting information of the concept of "I" that he created about himself in his imagination. In this respect, love, friendship, warmth, attention on the part of another person are an extremely important psychological circumstance, confirming the value and significance of our own "I", the value and uniqueness of the individual. For the study of marriage and family relations, it is important that a person needs recognition of his importance first of all

of those close to him( father, mother, wife, husband, children, close relatives and friends).A person always needs a positive, emotionally warm attitude towards his own person.

Sometimes a person feels, realizes that he does not meet the socio-cultural standards of the so-called "cultural", "civilized" person. This gives rise to feelings of guilt, shame, inferiority and insecurity in himself. To get rid of the powerful psychological pressure of such feelings and experiences,he needs proofs of other people that he is in principle "good", "moral", "clean", "good", "magnanimous", etc. The above circumstances force people to sometimes make a lot of effort, and sometimes cunningzobretatelstvo to get positive information, somehow indicating its "goodness." Such information is necessary for a person first of all in order to maintain a generally positive assessment of his personality in his own eyes.

This is only a small part of what mental functions fulfills the needbe loved, respected, revered in a complex and intricate psychic life.

And now let's try to describe other functional purposes of the need to be loved, respected, revered, whichzhaetsya in self-esteem. Everyone knows that man is a purely social being, not thinking of his existence without other people. He is most afraid of loneliness, alienation from relatives and dear to him people, he is afraid of abandonment. Therefore, to be loved and revered by close people there is a very strong guarantee that there is practically no danger of loneliness, alienation or isolation. Thus, the need to be loved expresses the psychological need of a person to be the object of attention, concern, interest, be desired, useful and necessary to his relatives and relatives."Need is the condition of a full life. When I'm needed, I have a mind, strength and charm. Then I am firm and confident in my rightness. When I'm not needed, I'm weak and helpless, my mind and abilities are not working. I feel miserable, guilty, myself without knowing what. "A person's awareness of his need and need for close and dear people is the most powerful source of the inner psychic energy of the individual."Only one thought of your need for another gives you strength, confidence."

The need to be necessary and useful to other people at first sight may seem not entirely moral, however, in professional activity and in family communication a person must feel that his work, his efforts are necessary and necessary for other people. One of the most difficult and painful feelings, when a person feels useless and unnecessary own existence. For example, the difficulties and problems of an elderly person often consist in the fact that, having gone on a well-deserved rest, he suddenly feels that the collective does not need it anymore. Moreover, it also happens that an elderly person develops a feeling that he no longer needs his adult children. All of these together create feelings of depression, depression, depression and other highly negative emotional states.

The need to be necessary and useful to other people follows from the mutual dependence of people in any social group where there is a certain division of labor. For example, in a family where the volume of domestic work is truly enormous, there is a need for real mutual assistance and real interaction. In the marriage life the most diverse needs of the spouses are satisfied: sexual, spiritual, material. A special place among them is occupied by emotional and psychological needs, which we associate with the psychological structure and content of our "I"..

Emotional-psychological needs include the need to love and be loved, the need for self-esteem, awareness of the value and importance of one's personality, the need for intimate-trusting communication, the need for mental support and understanding. The above requirements fulfill the most important functions ensuring the stability of the individual's mental life, give him the necessary conditions for a harmonious balance of the whole mental( spiritual) life, sharply increase the overall psychic resistance to all other life difficulties.

Thus, the stability of marriage directly and indirectly depends on the extent to which the degree of matrimonial life satisfies emotional and psychic needs. If they are not satisfied, then the moral and psychological stability of married life is destroyed, feelings of frustration, resentment, feelings of unnecessaryness and other negative emotions arise.