My light, mirror, say

Here we will talk about one more psychological skill that helps a woman to be what she wants to see, what her love is. I mean the ability to introspect. Introspection is an internal control over one's own mental states, for their manifestation in the process of communicating with others. Introspecting, a person notices both their states and the impression they make on the participants in joint activities - positive, neutral, negative. As a result, a person makes conclusions about whether it is appropriate or inappropriate, has proved itself, acceptable or unacceptable to others in the way, as well as how it is best for him to behave in the future.

If a woman or a girl can introspect, it helps her to make a pleasant impression on others, to achieve their location, to meet expectations. A person incapable of good introspection, behaves spontaneously, does not conform his mental states to the requirements of the situation, does not take into account the reactions of those present. He usually loses in their eyes, becomes unpleasant, repels something, they try to communicate less with him. Sometimes he is assigned a label, like "dissolved", "vulgar", "stupid", etc. He is not trusted, reluctantly promoted through the ranks. Often such a person does not know that he is obstructing himself.

And how many unpleasant minutes we experience in the family due to the fact that someone is unchanging, does not control facial expressions, the power of voice, behaves cheekily. And all because from childhood we were not accustomed to introspection. We were only reminded of good-order rules, but did not suggest specific psychological actions that help to follow these rules. The training was left without material reinforcement. Let's try to overcome in ourselves this lack of education.

First of all, intellectual states are subject to self-control, which testify either to the "work" at the given moment of our attention, perception, memory, thinking, or about their "disconnection".In some conditions to us.we must be focused, collected, businesslike, thoughtful and at the same time let others know that our intellect is tense. In other cases, on the contrary, we intentionally demonstrate any lack of attention, thoughts, disinterest in what is happening and at the same time try to bring information about this condition to the participants in joint activities. Many people, however, demonstrate their intellectual states inappropriately and do not realize how they treat others.

We do not have the habit of "investing" intellect in the expression of one's own face and "reading" it from the faces of others. Because we are so immune to mental defects. Sometimes it costs a lot. So, girls are often "burned" when choosing a partner in life. Then another will remember, she will understand that she was wrong, but it's too late."I did not know that he was like that," he says through tears. And then there's nothing to know, you need to see more - because the "hero" on his face all signs of a decreased intelligence. How naive should a girl be to hope that with time he will grow wiser?

Male primitivism blossoms magnificently, primarily because women persistently do not notice it. But this is, so to speak, a retort to the side. ..

Control should also affect emotional states. They express psychological comfort or discomfort, a benevolent, neutral or negative attitude towards participants in joint activities, willingness or unwillingness to communicate. Emotional states can be involuntary or intentional. If a person knows how to introspect, then he realizes what emotions his face conveys, and notices what effect they produce on others.

However, how often do we uncontrollably and unconsciously display anger, dislike, resentment, sarcasm and other negative emotions.

The ability for introspection, as well as for reflection, depends on the intellect of the individual, that is, on the level of development of memory, attention, and thinking. If these components of the intellect are not functioning well, then the person will not notice, remember, will not understand their mental states, can not correct them, bring them into line with the expectations of others.

In addition, the ability to introspection is influenced by the established standards of communication. In most modern bourgeois countries, the level of introspection is high enough. This is explained by a businesslike and rigidly programmable nature of communication. It is important for each of its participants to leave a good impression of themselves, to benefit from contacts. Ability to control their intellectual and emotional states is necessary to make a career, to stay in the workplace.

High level of introspection is distinguished, for example, by the behavior of the English. They take it for granted that the people with whom they come into contact will not only be courteous to them, but also affably. At the same polite and those who serve, and those who serve: rudeness, irritation, alienated indifference from the seller of the department store, an official in the office of the British are almost unknown. The words "keep yourself in hand" can be considered their first commandment.

In the United States, the so-called imitations are adopted in communication - models to follow, which you must follow if you want to succeed. These are socially fixed norms of behavior and response, the observance of which helps the individual to be accepted by society, a group that is not indifferent. The images are promoted by television, cinema, the press, radio, and advertising. There are the images of "one hundred percent American," "business successful man," "seller," "father of the family," "mother and wife," etc. By attaining conformity with the image, an American "fits" into a system of certain relationships.

We do not have any images, nor strict norms of intellectual and emotional behavior. Another person remembers what makes a certain impression on others only when he sits in front of the camera in anticipation of the "bird".He strained, concentrated, wants to be sealed good. And in the rest - let them think about it, what they want.

Take a closer look at oncoming people or fellow travelers in public transport. Here is one, another gloomier face: tightly compressed lips, tense muscles of cheeks and forehead, shifted eyebrows.

With sudden braking of the bus, you accidentally pushed a standing civilian by the side. In your address immediately flew back "arrows": a sour look, a sharp movement of the head, a push to the side or back. How much energy is wasted on such an insignificant occasion! This same lady and the house: just a little - flashes on her husband's eyes so that he does not want to live.

Yes, I regret to note that the threshold of people's emotional impact on each other today is very high. We are accustomed to strong means of emotional impact, so most often we speak on elevated tones, abuse gestures and facial expressions. All this leads to emotional stresses, which are already quite powerful in our age, and the "spring" usually straightens up in the family.

The situation must be corrected, it's time for us to increase control over our mental states in all spheres: in industry, in everyday life, in urban transport - wherever people enter into contacts. Us, of course, first of all the family will be interested. I will name the basic rules of introspection.

Rule one: realize your typical intellectual and emotional states.

You have to study your own face well. Choose the right moment and carefully consider yourself in the mirror. Imagine that this is not you( we are accustomed to our own face, and we generally like it), but another woman, someone's wife. Ask yourself the question: "What kind of people see me most often: husband, child, workmates, passers-by?" Do not give any special expression to the person, be in your usual state.

Continue to ask yourself: "Am I serious enough, mature, smart?" There is a discrepancy between the expression of a person and the age, position of a person. For example, you are already a wife, a mother, and in the mirror you are looking at a naive, frightened, rustic girl. This person is seen and your loved ones, friends, friends, they can unconsciously treat you condescendingly, because you are setting the appropriate tone.

Study yourself further: "Does my face have communication and frankness? Is not there vulgarity, arrogance, arrogance? What can most often read on my face a husband, children - kindness, bitterness, fatigue, discontent, something vague? »

After that, try to express the face with different emotional states. Consider yourself smiling, laughing, then - calm, relaxed, and after that - harsh, distressed, angry. Try to catch the shades of expression, unpleasant for others, capable of hurting someone's vanity, belittle dignity. For example, how do you smile? After all, a smile can be different - open, kind, radiant or chained, malicious, embittered. There are people who smile as if They are doing you a big favor. Others, even in a good mood, can not hide arrogance, alienation.

Some women and girls use cosmetics and pretty inventive make-up. Try to understand why you make up your face and what additional features it takes as a result of your efforts. Sometimes we have to wonder how a thoughtlessly different person brings his eyes, paints his lips, puts on shadows, masks the non-winning features of his appearance, emphasizing coldness, haughtiness, vulgarity. But the same cosmetic tricks can be used to give a person, for example, affability. However, the most perfect means, attracting attention to a woman's face, is the warmth of the soul reflected in him. What a pity that modern women of fashion rely mainly on the possibilities of chemistry.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you will see a lot in yourself as if for the first time or clearly aware of something that did not pay attention. A beautiful woman can suddenly realize that her beauty is cold, repulsive, malevolent: tart-running eyes, pursed lips. Or you will feel that your face is tense and capable of "exerting" others - making them wary, feeling under control, under a judgmental gaze. Maybe it does not fit your character - in the shower you are kind and gentle.

There are people who are mostly in good spirits, sympathetic and attentive, but their face shows another - it is unfriendly, gloomy or arrogant. Such a person lacks communication skills, that is, he does not have access to communication, does not cause benevolent reactions of others. Perhaps the face is from nature, and maybe, on it, the history of personality development is imprinted. For example, a person looks evil or hurt, because in his childhood he was often angry, offended or he was crybaby. The corresponding facial expression later became the main, habitual.

If a person does not convey your best spiritual qualities, you must achieve a correspondence between the inner world and its external manifestation. Try to give the face a sociable expression: lift the head, relax the muscles, lightly smile, add tenderness and warmth to the look. .. If there is a positive result, the face became more open, affable, kind - remember this expression and give it to your face as often as possible. The surrounding will become easier with you, easier, they will be given your emotional state.

And what if the person does not give in to "training", does not become more disposable? You try to "try on" a smile in front of a mirror so and so, but you get a deliberate or even more repulsive mine. Then you need to find other means of demonstrating your kindness, attention and disposition towards people. At your disposal are numerous words, intonations and actions - symbols of positive emotions. Use them as often as possible.

For example, if your husband asks for something - show your willingness to render a service, say: "With pleasure."It is not difficult to pronounce these words, but it will make them warmer to you, regardless of the expression on your face, feel your sympathy, the desire to help them. Only to do this must be sincere, and then your mood will be transferred to others.

The second rule of introspection: to realize the features of manifestation of their feminine qualities.

Do I need to remind you again that my wife expects softness, affection, warmth? Some women literally radiate tenderness;look, movement, touch, words. Others occasionally give her freedom. And the third sincerely warm as if barricaded, extracted with difficulty, somehow timid and unnatural, interspersed with dryness and rudeness.

Feel your hands - how soft and kind they are. Can they caress, console? What passes their touch to the child's head or to the person of the spouse - love, care? Or are they coming from tension and anxiety? Or maybe indifference?

Realize your lips - their touch can excite and delight or disturb and repel. A woman's kiss is dazzling, scorching. And some lips seem to be frozen, as once wrote about the kiss of my beloved V. Mayakovsky:

Lips gave.

How cruel you are of them.

Touch and cool.

As if with a penitent lips

in a cold rock carved monastery.

The third rule of introspection: to learn to control your emotional states several times a day.

Observing this rule, a person tries to find out whether his state corresponds to the given situation, the conditions of activity and the characteristics of its participants. More often ask yourself questions: "In what I am now?", "Does it correspond to the situation?", "How do people see me at the moment?"

The morning finds us in good or bad mood. The mood depends on a lot: from our physical health, everyday or suddenly surging worries, pessimistic or optimistic expectations, the events of the previous day, the impressions of the book read before going to bed, and the conversations held the day before with a family or a friendly company. Sleep disturbing or serene, short or prolonged also leaves its imprint on our well-being. Women in the premenstrual period are marked by depression, irritability, hostility towards others.

The mood prevailing for a person in the morning, among other things, reflects the characteristics of his character, the state of psychological health in general. Bruised or gallbladder almost always wakes up in a bad mood, gets out of bed, as they say, on the wrong foot.

The mood with which we meet in the morning gives an emotional color to everything that we do throughout the day. Well, if you are optimistic in the hours of dawn, are happy with yourself, willing to willingly take up the execution of ordinary domestic affairs and production duties. Since emotion is not only experienced by a person, but manifested in his behavior, facial expressions, intonations, gestures, movements, then you transfer lightness and joy to others, create a favorable psychological atmosphere around you. Communicating with you, the other person receives the appropriate emotional charge. A positive emotion is a pledge of mutual kindness.

"What is my mood today?" - this issue should begin with a kind of morning emotional warm-up. If you find yourself in a good mood, you need to make sure that it reflects on your face, in your voice, your movements, - cheer up, pull yourself up, straighten your shoulders, "remove" the tension from your face, smile affably. Now you are ready to carry yourself to people.

And here you are awake in a bad mood. As soon as you feel dissatisfaction, irritation, an unpleasant premonition, annoyance, anger or other uncomfortable mental state, ask yourself: "What is the reason?" Perhaps there will not be any reasons, or they are small ordinary, frivolous, then you should make yourself suggestion: "It's all right! There is no reason for experience. My unimportant mood should not be passed on to others. I feel myself good".Such auto-training, taking 1-2 minutes, is able to set you up in a different way, to give courage.

It happens that the reasons that caused a bad morning mood are very serious and you can not just dump them, as they say, to make a good face in a bad game. Then you need to think about ways to quickly eliminate adverse circumstances. The explanatory plan of actions can calm you and even instill optimism. If circumstances do not depend on you, you should just pull yourself together. Courageous, strong-willed person, able to withstand the blows of fate, always evokes sympathy and respect for others.

Worst of all, when a person's bad mood goes uncontrollably and provokes negative emotional reactions in others. In such cases, often uncontrolled chain emotional reaction begins. This was written by Charles Darwin: "The free expression of emotion, with the help of external signs, strengthens it. On the other hand, suppression, as much as possible, of all external manifestations softens our emotions. "

Take a typical example from family life. On the eve of the woman had a difficult day, and she woke up in a bad mood. Gloomy, irritated, frowned, although not for that significant reason, she prepares breakfast for her husband: As a rule, according to the law of emotional contamination, the bad mood of one of the spouses is transferred to another. Any neutral word spoken in such an environment is perceived as emotionally colored. The request sounds or is understood as a requirement, a remark - as a complaint, advice - as a decree. One showed incontinence on a penny, another responded to the ruble. Emotion for emotion, and as a result - quarrel or conflict.

The husband ate and got up from the table, intending to leave.

- You can never take it with you, "the wife says angrily." I'm not your servant.

- Do not have time to open your eyes, you already carp, - as sharply the husband answers and slams the door.

Do I need to explain how this dialogue ended?. . The whole day may pass under the impression of a morning quarrel. Both sides are wrong. In this family they do not consider it necessary to control emotions. The woman, before appearing before family members, had to bring herself into a good mood, and realizing that her bad mood provoked sharpness, apologized, retreated or at least shut up. A man could prevent the spread of negative emotions with a friendly smile or a sympathetic question: "Has anything happened? Do you feel unwell? "However, instead of showing patience and attention to each other, the couple only exacerbated the emotional situation.

Well, when we help each other overcome negative emotions, when a flash of one does not exaggerate the other, it does not cause a chain reaction. Even better, when we protect each other from negative emotions.

Alas, emotional contamination in other families is more common than emotional restraint. Spouses are a bit - ready for an emotional surge. At the same time, everyone blames other people for unnecessary emotions, without seeing their guilt. And the art of communication is to notice the bad in one's own behavior, on the basis of observing others draw conclusions about oneself.

No one has the right to introduce "psychological noise" into interpersonal relations in the form of a bad personal mood. Nothing justifies a man who appeared in public with a disgruntled, gloomy or embittered expression. Neither that he was late to find out family relations, nor that "for a long time he could not fall asleep in the stirring of different reflections."

Often it happens that they condemn only those who behave excessively emotionally, and those who provoked such a reaction, do not receive proper assessment. However, in an emotional conflict, both sides are guilty - reacting and provoking. Therefore, to call for order is necessary for both parties to the conflict, only in this case it is possible to guarantee a favorable psychological climate, good health.

Learn the procedure "Ouch!".The essence of it is to catch yourself and stop in time, when your actions or emotions begin to harm others.15 such cases, you as though reproach yourself: "Oh, what am I doing!"

Imagine a woman who loudly scolds for something her husband. She frowned, waved her hands, her voice sounded sharply. .. Suddenly she pierced herself with an electric current: "Ouch!" She recollects, the pose changes, the look on her face changes, her voice softens, her hands go down. The error is noticed, it would be good to fix it right away. The woman calmly says: "Excuse me, I'm excited. But think about it. .. »

Controlling your emotions is necessary not only out of respect for others, but also for your own health - mental and physical. Some people are constantly "on the platoon," they all react emphatically, speak loudly, intensively gesture, grimace. During the day they are extremely exhausted, often cause headaches, blood pressure changes. Experiments show that emotions cause changes in brain electrical activity, in the activity of the circulatory and respiratory systems. With a strong anger or fear, the heart rhythm can increase by 40-60 beats per minute, more or less all neurophysiological systems and subsystems of the body are included.

Others, on the contrary, save all experiences, suppress every emotion - joy, annoyance, resentment. Such people are also in tension, and it is not known in what form the discharge will come. Perhaps a person will not survive and will give up the accumulated experiences - for example, he will cry, make a scandal. And maybe he will have emotional stress, and he will become indifferent to everything or withdraw into himself. It is not excluded that the delay in emotions will cause a state of frustration - a prolonged nervous tension caused by unrealized goals, desires, needs.

Accumulated emotions must be given a way out, but this should be done so that others do not suffer. Best of all - rest, switching activities, changing the situation, a lesson to the liking. A wonderful healing effect on a person's music, painting, poetry, good results can bring a sincere conversation. In some cases, it is appropriate to take an easily acting sedative.

The fourth rule of introspection: "to realize the inscription on your T-shirt".

The image of a T-shirt was used by American psychologists M. James and D. Johngward in the book "Born to Win".They drew attention to the fact that modern young people wear jerseys and sleeveless jackets with slogans written on them, mottos. According to psychologists, each person with all his behavior and manners informs others about himself: about their principles, habits, character, moral values. Each of us is wearing a T-shirt with an inscription. We must carefully look at the person, and you will read the motto that he is guided in life.

Some are very anxious, focused, tense, they have a "T-shirt" written: "Please, pity me. I am a victim. "This invisible message causes others to either humiliate them, or try to help. Others look always embarrassed and shy, on their "T-shirt" you can read: "Well, from me you take, I'm a loser."They themselves form the attitude of others, and then wonder why people do not take them seriously. The third in the whole chest "inscription": "I am better than you", the fourth - "Pose me, if you want," etc.

I bring some inscriptions on the imaginary T-shirts of girls and women I see around me: "Keep the distance"I'm unreachable", "I know myself the price", "I'm so good", "All misfortunes are mine", "There is no person in this world who understands me", "A wonderful future awaits me", "surprise, "" I need to admire, "" I can betray, "" Do not think that I'm from the provinces, "" I love to eat, I pay for it, "" I'm kind, I do not forgive insults "," I spit at all, "" Leave me alone, "" I still have to outwit, "" I'm a business, "" Neither fish nor fowl, "" I'm good girl. "

Did you find the right "T-shirt" for yourself? Or maybe you have a whole collection of "T-shirts" that you "wear" in different places, in front of different people? Think about how to remove the "inscriptions" that prevent you from communicating with others, showing you in a bad light.

Tener is invited to evaluate your ability to introspection. For each of the following statements, you can give an affirmative or negative answer. The more "yes", the lower the level of introspection.

Ability to recognize their states: 1. It happens, it seems to me that I am not myself, but someone else.2. I often find it difficult to understand myself( what I want, I wait).3. I am often in an uncertain state: not sad and not cheerful, not active and not passive.4. I usually do not think about what my face expresses at the moment.5. It's hard for me to say what impression my face makes on others.6. I find it difficult to say with what look on my face I watch a movie or a telecast.7. I rarely focus on my own condition.8. I am against showing courtesy if I do not want to.9. There is an indefinite inscription on my T-shirt.

Possession of mental states: 1. I do not hold back the flash of emotion.2. It is difficult for me to constantly monitor a good face( respectful, attentive, affable).3. Most of the time I'm upset about something, I'm not happy.4. If I have a bad mood in the morning, this is usually the whole day.5. I often have a bad mood.6. Sometimes my mood spoils in a matter of seconds.7. I'm bad at controlling my facial expressions.8. I everywhere feel extremely relaxed.9. I am almost constantly in a state of nervous tension.

10. Perhaps, I usually speak loudly and laugh, being in my company on the street or in transport.

11. If I'm fond of talking, then I forget to watch the mimicry.12. While talking, I gesticulate a lot.13. All my experiences, as a rule, are "written" on the face.14. When making a remark to someone, I usually give my face a severe, threatening look.15. Perhaps, often my face expresses one thing, but on the soul - another.16. It seems to me that I have a somewhat childlike facial expression.17. I usually have a stern, severe face.

The reaction of others to your psychological conditions: 1. My touch is not pleasant for my husband.

2. A child rarely clings to me, so I caress him.

3. Men told me that I had a cold kiss.

4. I sometimes hear from others that I look stupid.5. It happens, People pull me down: do not gesticulate, do not curl your lips, do not make faces.6. They confessed to me that it is difficult to sustain my opinion.7. To be honest, I sometimes provoke harshness on the part of my husband by my lack of restraint, an ill-considered word.8. I am often mistaken for a simpleton, although I am different.