Influence of parents on adult children
One of my friends had rich parents who helped her to buy a house, providing a loan at a very low interest. Recently, she decided that she would like to sell this house and go abroad, to Switzerland, respectively, by purchasing housing there. But her family said that she should return them a loan, selling the house, because they did not approve of its decision. At the same time, they were ready to give her credit, if she agreed to move somewhere, where they suited them.
Do not do anything like that! In doing so, you humiliate and suppress your children;I just have to imagine this, and I immediately begin to boil with indignation. There are two options: either you trust your children in financial matters, or not. If not, do not connect yourself with them with such a relationship, step aside and leave them to arrange their own lives themselves. If so, then, giving them money, do not let them spend it the way they want. But under no circumstances should you try to control the life of your children with the help of gifts with a trick, given under certain conditions, no matter whether it's money or something else.
INCLUDING SO YOU DESTROY AND PRESS YOUR CHILDREN;I only need to present myself to myself, and I immediately start to jump from disgust.
Alas, I know a certain number of parents who try to keep their children's lives influenced by a variety of levers, among which money is one of the most frequent. For example, they pay for the education of grandchildren, but only if they go to the school chosen by their grandparents. Or they help children with the purchase of a house or a car, but again only those that they like.
There are also parents who prefer an intermediate option: they give the children money, but then inform them that they would never have done it if they knew what they would "squander" on. This is also unacceptable. This behavior indicates that you are not ready to let the children out of their care and allow them to live their lives. Even if they are not really ready for it, this is entirely your fault. What did you teach them all these eighteen years?
I'm sorry, I was slightly skidded;and you, of course, are the right parents, and you never dream of doing something like that. But I still want to tell you about two of my familiar families, who both decided to allocate certain amounts for grandchildren, but approached it from absolutely opposite positions. The variant "with a dirty trick" looked like this. Grandparents and grandfathers opened an account for their grandchildren, which they themselves ruled. When the children were 18 years old, the grandmother and grandfather controlled how the grandchildren disposed of this money: without the approval of the trustees, they could not, for example, buy a car or a house, go on vacation, borrow a loan for university studies, and so on. Parents are generally excluded from the process, and even if they did not agree with the decisions of the older generation, they could not do anything.