A child with high needs is a gift of fate or a grievous trial?
Jun 26, 2018
"I do not intend to calm myself."
Such a child is not famous for his talent for complacency. Parents complain: "He can not calm himself."Mother's knees - his armchair, father's arms and chest - his crib, his mother's breast - his dummy, giving pacification. These children are very picky about inanimate substitutes for mothers, such as soft toys and pacifiers, and often forcefully kick them out. This expectation of a higher standard of care is a personality trait that allows a child with high needs to get attached to people, rather than to things - which precedes the ability to communicate closely.
"Active". "He's always on the platoon," one tired father once remarked. Children with high needs invest a lot of energy in everything they do. They cry loudly, laugh unrestrainedly and do not hesitate to protest if their "meals" are not served on time. Because they perceive things more deeply and interact with greater ardor, these children are able to establish deep and lasting relationships and suffer if these connections are broken. Of these children most often grow vigorous personalities. No matter what labels they attach to these children, we have never heard of being called boring.
"Do not tear off your chest." Be prepared for the idea that such a thing as feeding on a schedule is unknown to this child. He will try to arrange marathon feeding every two to three hours around the clock and will suck for a long time for the sake of one pleasure. These children not only require feeding more often - they also suck longer. Children with increased needs of are known for being difficult to wean, and they usually continue to receive breasts in their second and third years of life.
"It often wakes up". "Why do children need more than anything, except for sleep?" - one unhappy mother asked one day. They often wake up at night and rarely reward parents with long-awaited long daytime sleep. You may feel that your child has a built-in light bulb that is not easy to extinguish. Perhaps that's why these children are often called "bright" when they get older.
"It's not enough for him, and he's completely unpredictable." Once you finally figure out what your child needs, prepare for changes in the plans. As one exhausted mother put it: "At the moment when I already think that the victory in this game is for me, he raises the stake."One set of sedative measures works in one day, but suffers a complete collapse to the next.
«Hyperactive, hypertonic». These children wriggle in your arms until you find their favorite positions. Frequent and trouble during feeding, as these children arch their backs with an arch and strive with a nipple in their mouth to make a dive back."This model does not know what a freeze frame is," said the father of one baby with high needs, a photographer by profession. Holding on to the hands of some children with increased needs, you can feel how tight their muscles are.
"Pulls all the forces". In addition to the fact that these children invest in everything they do, their energy, they also expend the energy of their parents. A frequent complaint: "He is exhausting me."
"You will not care too much." This
is the most difficult children with high needs, as they do not always take the old faithful remedy - constantly worn on the hands. While most children "melt", it is only necessary to take them in their arms, and flow into their arms in a comfortable position, a child who does not accept embraces, arches his back, strains hands and feet and breaks out from close embrace. Most newly born children are in dire need of physical contact and calmed down when they are closely pressed to and swaddled;not agreeing to caress the children do not soon thaw and comfortably arranged on the parents' hands. Eventually, everyone thaws, if the mother is persistent in her efforts to establish contact, and offers the child a safe, secure place, attractive enough for the child to succumb to temptation.
"Demanding". Children with high needs have a high standard and great willpower to achieve what they need. Look at how two children pull the pens to their parents, trying to say, "Take me in your arms."If the parents have missed this signal, a calmer child can lower the pens and move on to satisfying themselves with the game. The situation is completely different with a child who has high needs, which, with the only impossible thought that the parent missed his signal, will raise a howl and will demand further until he is picked up.
Be prepared for this character trait - exactingness - to make you a target for harmful advice such as: "It manipulates you."Imagine for a moment what would have happened if a child with high needs was not demanding. If the child had great needs, but would not be strong enough to achieve these
needs, perhaps the child would not be able to develop optimally, revealing its full potential. Such a trait of a child with high needs, as demanding, can be a harbinger of what your child will call "pushy" in the future.
The exhausted parents often ask: "How long will he show these character traits and what can we expect when he grows up?" Do not rush to predict which personality your child will become. The nature of some complex children is radically changed when they grow older. But, in general, the needs of these children do not become less: they simply change. Although these first character traits may seem somewhat unpleasant and at first may discourage parents, as life with the newborn goes on, most parents who choose our approach to caring for a child with high needs change their mind and begin using words such as"Amusing," "interesting," "bright."The same characteristics, which at first seemed such a big annoyance, often turn into benefits for the child and parents, , if the listened carefully to the child's high-powered signals and responded adequately to them. The active infant
can become a creative child;sensitive baby - a child who is not alien to compassion. A kid who takes a lot, can later become a child who gives a lot.