Clear rules in the family

I remember how I used to keep my mother from time to time, and she sometimes laughed and said that I was glad that I could stand up for myself, and sometimes I got for the same bashing. And it was absolutely impossible to foresee her reaction in advance. And the same thing could be said about many other things in her life, and not only about the reaction to children's "performances."So I was a child, I can say, constantly went to the minefield.

And you can also say that I had no idea what it was possible, and what not. As if it was decided by some kind of lottery, the principle of which was a mystery to me with seven seals. Therefore, I did not have much reason to think about my behavior. After all, I could get into trouble, but could - with the same degree of probability - get out of the water. I usually decided that it was worth the risk.

Your children are the same. They need to know firmly what is permissible and what is not. And the concept of this they have formed on the basis of what was allowed and forbidden to them yesterday, the day before yesterday and all previous days. If the reactions of adults to the same actions are different each time, they can not understand how to behave, and those very vital boundaries are blurred and questionable. As a result, children feel confused, insecure and, maybe, even unloved.

And here's the most difficult thing for you in this rule: it means that once you have decided something, you no longer have to change decisions, even if you want it. Otherwise, you will act dishonestly towards your children. If you have forbidden a child to go to bed with you, you must adhere to this rule( unless you are going to cancel it permanently).And even if your kid is upset with something today, and he is so warm, cozy, pleasantly smelling of baby shampoo, and you, too, are somehow lonely and lonely. .. - No, no, and once again no! If you let him lie down with you today, the next time he says "no" will be ten times harder, besides, the child will not understand why you are doing this to him. To say "no"( softly, accompanying the words with additional caresses) is not cruelty;on the contrary, this is the most correct step that will ultimately bring good to the child and to you.

Have paid attention to my reservation: "... unless you are going to cancel the rule permanently"?Yes, of course, you can always change the rules. You can suddenly realize that the whole life will change for the better, if your child will be packed up to you every evening, and you will be puzzled, why did you forbid it to him before? !Well, you can cancel the rule( however, it is better to discuss this with the partner first), but once you do this, you will again have to be persistent for a long time. Children also do not understand the rules that change monthly, as well as those that change every night. So how much time should pass before the rule can be changed painlessly? The answer is: all your life, or at least as much as necessary, so that the children forget that once everything was different. And the more mature they become, the longer this time will be.

THAT IS THE VERY HARDEST FOR YOU IN THIS RULE: TIME SOMETHING SOLVED, YOU ALREADY