Child Behavior Assessment

I was familiar with one quite worthy and convinced lady who taught courses on child behavior or something like that. Once she told me that she understood one very important principle: "A child can not be bad, but he can do bad things."We thought then that this is an example of how you can bring political correctness to the point of absurdity in relation to psychology, and often later recalled this ridiculously cloying advice.

However, I have to admit now, although it's embarrassing for me to do this, that she was absolutely right. True, I still continue to laugh at the very wording( the computer can not be bad, but it can work badly "), nevertheless, having stepped on my own pride, I have to say that the principle underlying the above-mentioned maxim is morethan reasonable.

Calling a child a bad, selfish, lazy, gluttonous, fool, rude, insolent, unfeeling or something like that, you hang a label on it. And if he believes what is written on the label( why should he not believe - because his whole life convince that adults, especially parents, are always right), he begins to try to match him. The child reasons like this: "What's the use of making efforts, I'm a lazy person."Or "What am I losing? I'm still bad. "Of course, these arguments occur at the subconscious level, at least until a certain age. Undoubtedly one thing: the child, on whom the label was hung, will try to match it.

Therefore, it is necessary to evaluate not the child, but his behavior."Now you are acting like a real egoist."Or: "To continue to be capricious is indecent."Such phrases do not in any way indicate the personal qualities of the child, they refer only to his concrete deed. If now you want to shout: "But he really is a lazy person!" - I will not argue with you, although it will be completely politically incorrect on my part and admit that you can be right. I'm just saying that you should not say anything like that to a child, or to anyone, if your words can somehow reach the child later. You can only think about it to yourself after he leaves the third time in a row, even without removing the plate, let alone helping you wash the dishes.

SHOULD NOT GIVE AN EVALUATION TO A CHILD, AND ITS BEHAVIOR.

Positive labels are a completely different matter. If such a label corresponds to reality( it is not necessary to press the child once again, forcing him to correspond to a signboard, to which he can not correspond), he also "pulls" the child to the qualities indicated on him: judiciousness, accuracy, courage, and so on.