Children as a means of influencing a partner

Naturally, this rule applies most to those parents who are going through a divorce, but you can get caught in this trap in another critical situation if it leads to tension in the relationship. With a high emotional load, any emotions can "go off scale," so if you feel deeply depressed, very nervous, depressed or very sad, it is likely that if you become angry, it will be almost uncontrollable anger. This can happen constantly or from time to time, but the bottom line is that you are in such a state ready to go for anything.

Alas, one of the most powerful methods that you can apply to influence a partner( or a former partner) is play on feelings for children. To your common children. You can limit the other parent to communicate with them in one way or another, or to do some kind of child-related activities without consulting him, or to belittle the opposite side in talking with children, or to hint to them that your happiness depends on them...

Perhaps, some( or even all) of these methods are used by your partner. In this case, you will inevitably have the strongest temptation to answer him the same, even if before that you did not think of anything like that. You did not start first!

But by and large - for children, not for you - who started, has absolutely no value. They only need one thing - to stop it. They are clever enough to understand what is happening, at least in part. They understand that they were caught between two fires, between two parents who are loved by both, and that everything is hard enough without it. They do not know just how to behave in this situation, but they can quickly learn by watching you. Are you sure that you teach them what you would like?

It is very difficult to avoid the temptation, if your partner acts by such methods. But this temptation must be overcome. Yes, it is as difficult as it is important, but if you play by the rules, you are capable of it. You are required. For every aggressive or dirty attack, answer with calmness, nobility, honesty and straightforwardness. Do it so that you can be proud of yourself.

One of my friends - fortunately, a truly right mother - has experienced a very difficult period of relations with her husband. One day, their son told her that his father had promised him a fourteen-year racing bike, although before that the parents had agreed that such a gift would wait until eighteen years. In this way, the father apparently tried to influence her, seeking to win the son's support with a bribe. The shocked mother was ready to lay out to her son all that she thought about her father's misbehavior, but she was able, calling to the aid of all spiritual strength, to remain silent with her son and discuss the problem with her husband alone. Playing a skilled diplomat and biting his tongue to blood, not to blurt out too much, she solved the problem, leading her to a compromise decision - to give her son a motorcycle for sixteen years, and before that allow her father to take him on a motocross once a month.

BUT IN A LARGE ACCOUNT - FOR CHILDREN, NOT FOR YOU, - WHO STARTED, DOES NOT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO VALUE.