Socio-psychological approach to the study of marital conflicts

In a complex set of causes that cause disorganization and the breakdown of the family, a significant place is occupied by socio-psychological reasons related to the specifics of the relationship and communication of spouses in the family. It is becoming increasingly clear that optimizing only the social and economic conditions of a family's life does not always lead to an increase in the stability of marriage. This is confirmed by the data of sociological research.

The basis of our research was the following model of the family, which, firstly, presupposed optimal socio-economic conditions for the family( lack of alcoholism, immoral behavior of spouses, good material and living conditions, etc.) and, secondly, excluded any psychopathology of the spouses. This made it possible to concentrate attention on the socio-psychological factors affecting the change in the level of family stability.

The main social and psychological factor causing destabilization and family breakdown is the negative nature of marital relations, expressed in the conflict interaction of the spouses. A marital conflict is a complex phenomenon that encompasses various levels of interaction between spouses. It can originate and proceed at the level of the relationship of the spouses, not realizing a certain time in their behavior( stage of latent conflict).For example, negative interpersonal relations between spouses( mistrust, indifference, discontent, etc.) may for some time not be reflected in their communication as a set of observed acts of behavior. The aggravation of the relationship of the spouses leads to the fact that the conflict also covers the sphere of their communication, manifesting itself in various forms of conflicting behavior( verbal and non-verbal).The transition of the conflict to a behavioral level is evidence of its escalation and overgrowth from the latent to the open stage.

Conflicts can arise not only as a result of negative interpersonal relationships between spouses, but also as a result of disorganization of their communication. For example, non-compliance of spouses with elementary norms of everyday life, expressed in causticity, rudeness, inattention, provokes conflicts precisely at the behavioral level. With pure repetition, such conflicts form a negative relationship between spouses. They become more stable, more difficult to overcome.

The emergence of a spousal conflict depends not only on objective reasons( for example, on the specifics of the conflict conditions and the characteristics of its participants), but also on subjective factors - the participants' representation of the conflict about themselves( about their needs, values, motives, etc.).and the idea of ​​a marriage partner. They can be the cause of marital conflicts. The nature of these ideas is largely the subject of social psychology. Awareness of the conflict by the participants in the interaction can be adequate, inadequate( when the spouses perceive the objective conflict situation in a distorted manner) and even false( when the conflict interaction is resilient on the basis of an incorrect assessment of oneself and the partner).

According to statistics, a significant percentage of divorces occur in young families, where the duration of the marriage is between one and five years. This trend is especially pronounced in large cities - Moscow, Leningrad, Riga, Odessa, etc. Based on this, the object of this study was selected young married couples living in Moscow, under the age of 35, married for at least one year,having children.

Defining the subject of the study, we proceeded from the premise that modern marriage is based on the compatibility of spouses as individuals. A number of authors understand love as a strong complex of feelings, consisting of a large number of components, including not only emotional affection and emotional attractiveness of spouses, but also the presence of ethical feelings( friendship, respect, trust, understanding).Compatibility of spouses is largely determined by the possibility of joint satisfaction in marriage of a number of basic needs( communication, cognition, material and role needs, the need for protection of the "I-concept").

Each of the spouses, by the time of marriage, has developed needs that can not be identical for both marital partners. Often, these requirements are contradictory. Joint life requires the spouses to readiness for compromise, the ability to reckon with the needs of the partner, to yield to each other, develop in themselves such qualities as mutual respect, trust, mutual understanding, which contributes to the improvement of the psychological climate in the family and better mutual adaptation of the spouses. In this case, the contradictions in the needs of the spouses do not take acute forms and are successfully overcome. Inability to find the right line of behavior in the family leads to such an aggravation of the contradictions of both marital partners, in which it is extremely difficult or even impossible to satisfy the needs of each of the spouses in this marriage dyad. This leads to the emergence of frustrations in one or both partners, creates disharmony in the marital relationship.

The subject of our research is the discovery of contradictions in the needs of spouses, leading to disruption of interaction between spouses, to the emergence of conflicts. Considering the interaction of a married couple, we singled out the object and the conditions for interaction. Under the object of interaction, we understood the joint satisfaction of the couple's needs.

Based on the analysis of the literature data and the pilotage survey conducted by us, five groups of needs( blocks) were identified as the most significant for a married life:

1. The need for spouses to perform certain roles in the family: mother-father, husband-wife,housewives, male women, heads of household, most of whom are new to those marrying.

One of the causes of conflicts in the family is the divergence of the views of the spouses about the fulfillment of family roles by each of them.

2 The need of spouses to communicate with each other and with friends.

The study touched upon the following aspects of the spouse's communication. Marriage partners were considered as compatible or incompatible in the parameter of sociability-isolation. It was assumed that in the asymmetry of these qualities, the sociality of one of the spouses may conflict with the autism of the other, provoking the emergence of a conflict.

b) Communication performs a very important psychotherapeutic function in the family. In communication based on empathy, mutual respect, the spouses find support for their actions, moods, feelings, experiences, receive emotional relaxation. Conversely, mutual alienation, disorganizing communication between spouses, forms a sense of loneliness, insecurity, mutual dissatisfaction, provoking other conflicts.

3.The cognitive needs of the spouses. Previous studies have shown that intellectual values ​​are the most important for spouses, taking one of the first places on the general scale of marriage values. We focused on studying the need of spouses for spiritual growth and improvement, since this need is, firstly, the least studied and, secondly, it seems to us sufficiently conflictual in the presence of asymmetry of the matrimonial dyad

4. Material needs, including needsin the joint acquisition of material assets necessary for the family and in ensuring well-being. It was assumed that the selfish tendencies of one or both spouses, manifested in the desire to maximally satisfy their own material needs to the detriment of the interests of the partner and the family as a whole, could lead to conflicts.

5. The need to protect the "I-concept" as a set of images of the "I", providing a person's idea of ​​himself as a known integrity and certainty that arises not only on the basis of self-perception of the individual, but also as a result of his perception of others, the social environment. Since the "I-concept" is formed, developed and maintained in social interaction, it is extremely necessary for the individual's identification with himself, for maintaining the integrity and value of his personality, that his own self-image coincides with what he thinks is thought ofhim around. Particularly important in this regard is the opinion of significant others, according to which a person expects a certain attitude towards himself and others, stable manifestations in communication with them, supporting his sense of his certainty, importance, importance.

The following factors were included in the interaction conditions:

1. Culture of the spouses' communication in the family, ie observance or non-compliance with the norms of daily life regulating their moral relations: courtesy, honesty, tact, goodwill, attentiveness, etc.

2. Mutual awareness of spouses about various aspects of life and personalfeatures each other. This condition of interaction of spouses plays an important role in the adequacy of their mutual perceptions, necessary for the formation of correct ideas about the partner in the process of communication, being a necessary condition for the success of their mutual adaptation and, consequently, increasing the stability of marriage. A high level of mutual knowledge of the spouses is also the basis for the formation of trust in the family.

3. The level of moral motivation of spouses in various spheres of family interaction as an indicator of the development of their moral consciousness and self-awareness. In the regulation of human behavior, hierarchy( subordination) of motives is of great importance. In family interaction, it is very important to determine the level of the leading motive that drives the behavior of each spouse. The first( inferior) level of moral motivation is based on immediate experiences, desires, aspirations, or depends on the external situation( for example, on the evaluations of others) as involuntary behavior winners. The second( highest) level of moral motivation is based on the convictions of a person, his ideals, principles, consciously set goals, which can suppress immediate motivations. The level of moral motivation affects the level of self-control, the sense of responsibility for their actions, for the fate of the family.

4. Conducting leisure activities. The need for spouses to jointly conduct leisure is one of the most important indicators of the level of stability of the family in general and the young family in particular. Joint leisure activities for young couples testify to their successful mutual adaptation, about the ability to effectively solve problems that arise in the course of living together, and about the positive emotional color of their communication. And on the contrary, the desire of spouses to separately spend leisure is a bright indicator of the fact that mutual communication has lost its emotional appeal for the spouses.

The expectations that emerged from partners at the time of marriage under the influence of their personal characteristics and inclinations and the specifics of the socio-cultural environment are of significant importance in the emergence of the conflict. For young spouses the highest expectations for each other are most typical, which is often the basis of the conflict when these expectations do not coincide with reality. In most cases, they indicate a lack of moral and psychological preparedness for young people to marry.

The study was conducted using the developed method of studying interpersonal family conflict( MSC), which is a set of 5-point scales that make up a questionnaire of 164 items. Their content is integrated in the following areas: 1) family roles, 2) the need for communication, 3) cognitive needs, 1) material needs, 5) the need to protect the "I-concept," 6) a culture of communication, 7) mutual awareness, 8) the level of moral motivation, 9) leisure activities, 10) the frequency of conflicts and ways to resolve them, 11) the subjective assessment of each spouse's satisfaction with his marriage.

Specialized measurements using the MSC questionnaire were conducted in the process of counseling conflict and divorced families in the Dzerzhinsky district of Moscow. Three groups of families were identified: 1) couples who do not overcome conflict in the presence of negative family motivation, or are unstable;2) couples who do not sufficiently master the conflict in the presence of positive family motivation, or problematic;3) couples overcoming conflict, or stable( control group).

The group of stable included families, subjectively satisfied with their marriage, evaluated by the surrounding as prosperous. Spouses of a stable group note full confidence in the stability of their family relationships, do not represent the possibility of their disintegration. The socio-demographic data of this group are as follows: the average age of the husband is 34, the wife is 30;average duration of marriage is 5.7 years;the average number of children is 1.4;educational level: in six pairs, both syptyga have a higher education, in four pairs, one has a higher education, the other has a secondary education;the average income of a family is 115 rubles.per month for one member of the family;seven pairs( out of 10) live separately from their parents in good housing conditions.

A group of problem families included married couples who consulted a psychologist in connection with their dissatisfaction with their family relationships, aware of the possibility of a family breakdown, but not wishing to do so. The socio-demographic data of the families of this group differ slightly from those of the control group: the average age of the husband and wife is the same and is 27 years;the average duration of marriage is 4.3 years;the average number of children is 1;educational level: five couples have higher education in both spouses, in the remaining pairs one wife has a higher education, the other has a secondary one;the average income of a family is 85 rubles.per person per month;apart from the parents, there are three families( the other pairs live in good housing conditions with their parents).

The unstable group included spouses who decided to dissolve the marriage. It is noteworthy that the socio-demographic characteristics of these families practically do not differ from those of stable families: the average age of the husband is 34, the wife is 31;duration of marriage is 5 years;the average number of children is 1.2;both spouses with higher education in seven pairs;the average income per person per month is 120 rubles;in good conditions, eight couples live separately from their parents, two families live together with their parents.

As our sample did not reveal significant differences in the socio-demographic characteristics of stable and unstable families, it can be assumed that here such characteristics as duration of marriage, age of spouses, similarity or difference in educational level, the presence of children, material and housing conditions in themselves(without taking into account socio-psychological factors) do not play a determining role in the process of destabilizing the family.

Some differences in the characteristics of the families of the problem group make it possible to assume that their problems may be caused by a lack of psychological preparedness for marriage, expressed in a reassessment of domestic difficulties, with increased demands on each other. The transfer of complexities from the plan of objective reality to the psychological plan, to the sphere of personal relations, for some families determines the transition from problem to decay. Conversely, mutual understanding, support, and mutual assistance in overcoming objective difficulties stabilize the family.

The objectives of the study consisted, first, in approbation of the MSK methodology and, secondly, in the analysis with its help of the main causes and the identification of the most conflict zones in various spheres of family life.

We formulated the following hypothesis: the conflict in the sphere of meeting the needs of the spouses arises as a result of the mismatch of the representations of the spouses regarding the realization of their own needs, the partner's needs and expectations with respect to the partner.

As an empirical indication of the inconsistency of the spouses' views on the realization of needs in different interaction areas( blocs), a discrepancy between self-esteem( C), partner's( O) and expectations( O) with respect to the partner in the corresponding block was accepted. O, C, O - the essence of representation in the consciousness of the subject of different needs. As a result of the selection of the empirical field corresponding to the subject of our study, a hypothetical judgment was given an empirical interpretation in the form of two series of statistical hypotheses.

I. EMPIRICAL DIFFERENT

CRITERION 1. Conflict between spouses occurs when there are such structures where the partner's low score coincides with a high level of expectations for him and with high self-esteem( structure No. 1);with a high level of at least one of these indicators( № 2 and № 3).

2. Conflict between spouses does not arise in the presence of such structures that suggest either a coincidence of a low level of the partner's assessment, expectations for him and self-esteem( No. 4), or the presence of a high partner's assessment, regardless of the level of expectations for him and the level of self-esteem( No. 5)(table).

It was assumed that the empirical data can contain structures that are symmetric for dyads, and not of a symmetrical nature. All their possible combinations we a priori attributed to one of the groups of couples noted above. It was assumed that the unstable spouses are characterized by combinations of structures Nos. 1,2 and 3, which are of a conflict nature;for problematic couples, different combinations of conflict and conflict-free structures are possible;stable couples may have a combination of structures No. 4, 5, which are of a conflict-free nature.

II.EMPIRICAL SIGNIFICANT CRITERIA

1. Conditions for the emergence of conflict between spouses are created, a) if the level of self-esteem is higher than the level of evaluation given to the partner, that is, the magnitude of the difference O-C is negative;b) if the level of expectations is higher than the level of the partner's assessment, t.the magnitude of the difference O-O is negative.

2. Conditions for the occurrence of a conflict are not created, a) if the level of the partner's assessment is higher or equal to his self-esteem, that is, the value of the difference O-C is greater than or equal to zero;b) if the level of expectations about a partner is lower or equal to its estimate, that is, the magnitude of the difference O-O is greater than or equal to zero.

The empirical difference criterion( attribution of answers to the above described structures) reveals the presence or absence of conflict between spouses, indicating at the same time the scope of the manifestation, that is, the sphere of life of the family in which the conflict occurs in an open( behavioral) form. The empirical criterion criterion( the ratio of the quantities O and C, O and O) fixes sources of conflict, ie, those spheres of family life where dissatisfaction of the spouses arises, without necessarily manifesting themselves at the behavioral level both in this and in other spheres. Comparison of the results according to two criteria makes it possible to clarify the coincidence or inconsistency of the spheres of conflict( the sign criterion) with the spheres of its manifestation at the behavioral level( the difference criterion) and to determine the form of the conflict relations( latent or open) in a given conjugal dyad and the degree of awareness of the nature of the relations by the partners themselves.

The results of the study were analyzed from the point of view of testing these groups of statistical hypotheses. The analysis of the data used the method of comparing the mean and checking the statistical hypotheses with the help of the criterion x2:

The types of the ratio of the partner's evaluation, the partner's expectations and the self-assessment that determine the presence or absence of the conflict

The results of the study confirmed the assumption that the presence of an empirical differenceto one of the five types of structures identified) coincides with the presence of a criterial conflict( the family is assigned to one of the three experimental groups), which isproof of the validity of methods MSCs. For stable families, the combination of conflict-free structures is 94% of all answers of the spouses of this group to the questions of the questionnaire, 6% of the answers indicate a conflict in the role sphere. Thus, the overall positive orientation of the relationship of spouses and their mutual generalized assessments in all spheres( blocks) of interaction does not exclude negative evaluations of partners in individual blocks. This does not affect the high level of generalized assessments of partners and is an indicator that conflicts among stable married couples occur against the background of positive interpersonal relationships, are easily overcome, help the spouses develop common positions, that is, they are constructive.

In unstable families, conflict structures accounted for 65% of responses, ie, open conflict interaction is for these couples in 2/3 of cases the only way to resolve issues arising in all spheres of family life. The consistency of the opinions of the spouses about the existence of a conflictual relationship is growing( they have 20% symmetric conflict structures).In problem families, 48% of responses are to conflict-free structures and 52% to conflict ones. It is characteristic that in this group of families only 5% of answers are symmetrical conflict structures, in the remaining answers the conflict-free structures of one spouse are combined with the conflicting structures of the other spouse. The most conflict-prone for this group of families are blocks of family leadership, a culture of communication, protection of the "I-concept."

Symmetry of answers is more characteristic of stable and unstable families than problematic. At the same time stable pairs are characterized by the symmetry of conflict-free, and for unstable - conflict structures.

Thus, the hypothesis of the correspondence between the type of combination of structures to the type of families was confirmed( % 2 = 8.1 at x2cr = 9.49 and x 0.05).

When testing the second group of statistical hypotheses, it was tested that the positive or equal to zero value of the difference between the assessments given by the spouses to each other and their self-assessments for the same blocks, as well as between the estimates and expectations indicates the positive nature of the spouses' relations and their mutual satisfaction with marriage, which is inherent in stable families. The negative value of this difference is characteristic for problematic and partly for unstable families and serves as an indicator of the negative nature of interpersonal relations of spouses and their dissatisfaction with marriage. In stable families, the partner's ratings are significantly higher or equal to self-esteem. A number of studies by Soviet psychologists have shown that some reevaluation and idealization of a partner are inherent in young families. According to our data, this feature takes place in stable families, and the difference between the assessment and self-esteem decreases with increasing family length, approaching zero, which indicates a more adequate evaluation of the partner as the experience of family life is acquired.

The excess or equality of a partner's assessment of self-esteem in most spheres of family life reflects the positive nature of the relationship between the spouses of a stable group( respect, mutual understanding, attentive and sensitive attitude towards the partner, emotional attachment of the spouses), which is an indicator of their high level of mutual adaptation and satisfactioneach spouse of his needs.

In problem families, the excess of mutual evaluations over self-assessments occurs in 40% of responses( in stable families, 80%).In 60% of the answers of the spouses of this group, self-esteem exceeds the assessments of partners, which indicates a low level of their mutual understanding, increased demands on the partner with insufficient respect for him, a decrease in the emotional attachment of the spouses and their weak mutual adaptation.

Thus, problematic spouses have a mismatch in various spheres of life between self-assessments and mutual evaluations, which causes the conflict nature of their relationships. The maximum excess of self-esteem over the evaluation of a partner has to do with the culture of communication and mutual awareness of the spouses.

In unstable families there is a persistent excess of self-esteem over mutual evaluations of spouses in all spheres of interaction. The divorcing spouses have a complete disharmony of needs, their inconsistency is reflected in all spheres of family life. The frustration of relations in the collapsing

family is at its apogee: the mutual understanding of the spouses sharply falls, the adequacy of each other's assessments is violated, the emotional attractiveness disappears. Spouses exaggerate the negative qualities of each other: high self-esteem is opposed to LOW evaluation of the mate. The ratio of mutual evaluations and expectations of partners is an indicator of the level of satisfaction with marriage. A greater or equal value of the partner's evaluation compared to expectations for him in a stable group of families means that the marriage satisfies the partners, that is, that the partner's needs are consistent, and their marriage arrangements are fully realized.

Exceeding the expectations of a partner over his assessments in an unstable group testifies to the unjustified expectations of divorcing spouses regarding their family life, which is reflected in their subjective dissatisfaction with marriage.

For each group of families, the difference is not only between the value of mutual evaluations and expectations of spouses, but also in the degree to which they correspond to the hierarchy of the most significant day of the marriage partners of the expected and real values.

Spouses of a stable group expect, first of all, that their families will meet their needs for spiritual growth in cultivation, communication, protection of the "I-concept", and adequate understanding and fulfillment of family roles. Expectations about the satisfaction of material needs occupy the last place on the general scale of marriage values, which indicates some idealization of the family life in the premarital period. In real life, satisfaction of material needs occupies one of the first ranked places. In the rest, the spouses of a stable group retain the same hierarchy of satisfaction of needs as in their premarital expectations.

Consideration of the conditions of interaction of spouses of a stable group showed that the first ranking place in expectations is given to them in a culture of communication, the second - mutual awareness, in the need for joint leisure activities. In the real interaction, the same hierarchy is preserved, but expectations about mutual knowledge of spouses are higher than their estimates.

Thus, in stable married couples with harmonious expectations, on the one hand, and real family life, on the other, there is still a misalignment of needs in certain spheres of this life, which is reflected in the excess of expectations about the partner over his assessment and ininsignificant disagreement among the spouses of the hierarchy of expected and real marital values. Such a mismatch is inevitable in the period of adaptation of marriage partners and indicates a collision of premarital expectations about the future of the spouse, which are to some extent abstract in nature, with a real reality involving interaction with a particular marriage partner. However, on the general background of the marriage's satisfaction with the spouses of a stable group, it is precisely the divergence of expectations and reality, that is, the dissatisfaction of expectations in certain spheres of life, that enables the constant development and improvement of marital relations.

In problem married couples, partners' expectations far exceed their estimates in all spheres of family interaction. The maximum gap between the value of expectation and the magnitude of the assessment is the satisfaction of the need for spiritual growth and improvement. Confirmed the assumption of a conflict of this need, provided it is disharmony in the matrimonial dyad.(Dissatisfaction in marriage arises from a lack of spiritual community, perceived as an underestimation by the spouses of the partner's striving for spiritual improvement.) It is characteristic that the spouses of the problem group have a weak mutual awareness, provoking distrust among them and emotional tension

The degree of divergence of the hierarchy of expectedand the real marital values ​​of problem families is higher than that of stable families, but lower than unstable families, which speaks, on the one hand, of dissatisfaction with marriage in problemsthe group of unstable married couples, the level of expectations exceeds the level of mutual evaluations of partners in all spheres( blocks) of life activity, except for the block of material needs. The total mutual satisfaction of the spouses in this group, and on the other - about the presence in it of opportunities for maintaining and strengthening the family.sphere has shown that the main reasons for the breakdown of their families do not lie in the field of objective domestic difficulties, but are connected with the disorganization of interpersonal relations and communication. The least corresponds to the expectations of divorcing spouses of the culture of their communication.

The sharp discrepancy between the hierarchies of expected and real marital values ​​and the excess of the level of mutual expectations over mutual assessments among unstable spouses suggests that their awareness of each other's pre-marital characteristics was clearly inadequate. This contributed to the formation of pairs with initially low compatibility.

In general, the hypothesis of the existence of an empirical difference criterion as one of the characteristics of conjugal conflict is not rejected.

The study showed that in each of the three types of families, there is a difference in: 1) the general level of conflict( the total characteristic obtained by correlating the sign and difference criteria of conflict), 2) the frequency of conflicts, and 3) the ways to resolve them. In unstable and problem families, the overall level of conflict is almost the same and almost 3 times higher than the level of conflict in stable families. The frequency of conflicts in unstable and problem families is 2 times higher than in stable ones. And ways of resolving in stable families give preference to explaining partners in the correct form, compromise, the desire to avoid conflict in various ways( go to another room, do not annoy a partner, etc.).In problematic and unstable families, along with an explanation and a compromise, there are ways to resolve the conflict, such as a boycott and the use of force. Along with constructive methods for resolving the conflict, methods are used to pressure partners against each other to resolve the conflict in their favor. In these groups of families, spouses are much less likely than stable to try to avoid conflict, which can apparently be viewed as an opportunity to compensate for the state of frustration that arises from dissatisfaction in the need sphere.

Analysis of the results of the study allows us to conclude that the reasons for the occurrence of conflicts are in any type of families, which is due to the individual differences of the spouses. However, the conflict does not necessarily act as a factor in the destabilization of the family, carrying out not only a destructive, but also a constructive function. In stable families, conflicts take place against the background of positive relationships between spouses, their mutual satisfaction and emotional attachment. Therefore, conflicts here perform a constructive function, since, by identifying mutual claims of spouses, differences in their needs, attitudes, intentions, help to develop common positions and contribute to the successful adaptation of partners to marriage. In unstable and partly problematic families, conflicts occur against the background of negative relations between spouses, their mutual dissatisfaction and weakening or loss of emotional attractiveness of partners. Such conflicts that prevent the spouses from developing a single point of view, leading to disorganization of their communication and cooperation, to disadaptation, should be considered as destructive conflicts. If we consider all the spheres( blocks) of the family's activities that are involved in the study from the point of view of their conflict, the first place for all groups of families is the "culture of communication" block, that is, the observance or non-compliance of the spouses with the norms of daily life regulating their moral relations. The stability of marriage is largely due to the high culture of communication between marriage partners. The systematic violation of family ethics by spouses in dealing with each other negatively affects their relationships, leading to the emergence of stable, chronic conflicts in the family. At the same time, the high degree of conflictability of this bloc is due not only to the low culture of communication of marital partners, but also to the fact that it reflects first of all the dissatisfaction of the spouses in the needs sphere.

The second most important source of conflicts in the family is the insufficient satisfaction of the need to protect the "I-concept" in the process of interaction between spouses. Since the sustainability of the "I-concept" is maintained by the constancy of the expected forms of relations and communication from the social environment, the relationships of the spouses, which are based on psychic support, mutual understanding, emotional comfort, play an important role in understanding the importance and value of their "I".Lack of attention, care, consent, mental support leads to their dissatisfaction with the need for love, respect, in sense of their importance, in preserving the self-esteem necessary to support the "I-concept" of each spouse. The need to protect the "I-concept", which is expressed in the protest of marriage partners against infringement of personal dignity, disrespectful attitude, belittling the value of "I" of one of the spouses, leads to conflicts between spouses.

The third place in conflictuality is occupied by two spheres of interaction of the matrimonial dyad:

1. Role( satisfaction of the role needs of the spouses: mother-father, husband-wife, hostess-owner, male woman, head of family).The conflict arises as a result of ambiguous understanding by the spouses of these roles and ambiguous notion of the fulfillment by each partner of a particular family role. Especially acute conflict is due to the divergence of ideas about family leadership.

2. Peculiarities of interaction, which are related to mutual awareness of various aspects of life and personal characteristics of the partner. A high level of mutual knowledge of spouses is the basis for the formation of trust in the family. Unwillingness of spouses to inform each other about their affairs, intentions, pianos generates suspicion, mutual distrust, emotional tension in the relationships of partners, reduces the level of satisfaction with marriage, provokes the emergence of conflicts. At the same time, as well as the culture of communication, mutual awareness is often a reflection of the violation of other spheres of marital interaction.

The results of the study suggested that the level of conflict is correlated with the level of moral motivation of the marital partners, that is, the higher the level of moral motivation of the spouses, the lower the level of conflict in their families. The motivational structure of the higher type differs from the lower by the predominance of the orientation toward self-esteem as the leading motive of behavior, instead of focusing on the assessment of others. The higher the level of moral motivation of the spouses, the more they become aware of themselves as subjects of their own activity, and not objects of external influences and the more they are guided by their conscience in their actions, which becomes the main regulator of their behavior.

The level of moral motivation determines the specificity of the moral position of the spouses. For the strength of marriage, the unity of the moral position of the spouses is very important. The incompatibility of the moral principles of the marriage partners entails differences in the moral feelings of the spouses( conscience, duty, honor, etc.), which is expressed in the discrepancy between the points of view of the spouses for the upbringing of children, the distribution of household burdens,family, family domination, etc., contributing to the emergence of conflicts in the family.

The study showed that each group of married couples have inherent conflict blocks.

1. In the group of stable married couples there is an ambiguous representation of the spouses about some of the family roles, which leads to conflicts in the role sphere. However, leaking against the background of positive interpersonal relations, conflicts are resolved constructively. In other spheres of interaction, the needs of the spouses are consistent and are satisfied with both partners. In a stable group, matrimonial diads have a high level of satisfaction of the need to protect the "I-concept", in spiritual growth and perfection. The success of the spouses' interaction is ensured by a high level of moral motivation of both spouses, a culture of communication, a high level of mutual awareness and a preference for joint leisure activities.

2. In the group of unstable married couples, the need to protect the "I-concept", in the culture of communication, in the unambiguous understanding of family roles is not satisfied. Awareness of the spouses of this group about each other is very surface and concerns behavioral, not personal characteristics! Spouses do not seek to penetrate each other's spiritual world, which leads to their lack of mutual understanding. With sufficient coherence of the views of the spouses of this group regarding the areas of disagreement, each partner looks for the cause of the disorder primarily in the wrong, from his point of view, partner behavior, and not in his own. A low mutual assessment of the level of moral motivation of unstable spouses suggests that they are shifting the blame for the collapse of the family, believing that it is the partner who is not consciously aware of his responsibility for the fate of the family and does not fulfill his duty to her. With a low level of satisfaction with marriage and a loss of emotional attachment, conflicts in this group of families are destructive.

3. Problem married couples occupy an intermediate position between stable and unstable. Unlike the unstable group in problem families, a certain emotional affection of partners remains, but it is much lower than in stable families. At the same time, the level of satisfaction with marriage in the problem group is almost 3 times lower than in the stable one( in unstable families, the satisfaction rating is negative, that is, they are not satisfied with marriage).

The subjective low assessment of the satisfaction with marriage is due to the dissatisfaction of the spouses' need for spiritual growth and improvement. The interaction of partners is carried out against a background of low culture of communication and a low level of mutual awareness. Unlike unstable families, the problematic spouses have a higher level of satisfaction in the protection of the "I-concept."The level of moral motivation of the spouses of the problem group is lower than that of stable pairs, but much higher than that of unstable pairs, which allows them to realize their responsibility to the family to strive to preserve it.

Thus, in this study, factors that influence the formation of constructive or destructive marital conflicts were identified, which, in our opinion, include: the possibility of satisfying their basic needs by marriage partners in marriage, the nature of interpersonal relationships, the level of moral motivation of spouses, the conditions for interaction(culture of communication, mutual awareness, family leisure).

Because at the behavioral level, conflict in families of different types( especially in problematic and unstable) manifests itself identically, then, using the specifics of the above factors, it is possible to find out to which type each particular family belongs, which will determine the need to preserve or dissolve the marriage. From the decision of this issue depends the strategy and tactics of counseling the conflicting couple, since the termination of the problematic( with the signs of stability) of the couple may lead to a neuroticization and ultimately decrease the working capacity of the divorced spouses, and the persistence of an unstable marriage can damage the personal development of the marriage partners and, hence, the inability to create a harmonious marriage.

The data obtained in the study can be used to prepare proposals to assist conflict families in the process of their counseling by psychologists.