Relaxation is permissible, but it does not harm the aesthetic sense.

After all, you can feel free and in the breeches that your husband likes( and a tart, though clean, does not like it).

Here are almost all the positive and negative features for me in my alter ego - in my wife. .. The negative ones act on me as if the neighbor on top makes endless repairs and uses drills for concrete. What to do?

Well, first, using the delicate psychology of communication, one must try to influence, if in principle the defect is removable. In my psychological client, Julia was doing well for her husband, except that she was slouching. In principle, she was aware of this as her minus. .. A Vitali acutely perceived it as a defect in the beauty of his wife. He constantly wrinkled and reminded her. And as soon as Vitali reminded her, she corrected her posture. At once the harmony was restored. It continued, however, this is five years, until she led her daughter Ksyusha to artistic gymnastics, where the first thing the coach did was to take care of the children."Well, I'm less disciplined than children?" - Julia stamped herself on her foot. She started auto-training, made a program of autosuggestion, the essence of which was to follow the posture. I bought a spider in the pharmacy. But the spider was too soft reminder, she used to be fast

ro used and again began to slouch, even with a spider. Then I showed her how to make a more strict spider( a kind of a strict collar).It's simple. Loops from rope with knots are worn on both shoulders in front and are connected on the back. Suffice it tight, so that when Julia hunched her shoulders, her knits sucked into her shoulders - this is not a soft, elastic pharmacy spider - and the posture instantly straightened. Go yourself anywhere * even though the rooms and the kitchen, even at dinner parties. After all, the "strict spider" can be hidden with a blouse of a dense dark cloth;it is not necessary, of course, to wear it under a gashiphon. But it was not necessary to use this "device" for a long time. It fulfilled the role of a physiological simulator acting on the principle of the operant reflex of Frederick Skinner. Inadvisable action - bending into the hook - was reinforced by negative sensations - ropes with knots were tucked into soft shoulders. For my part, this was not sadism. I advised the way that the psychological client herself carefully executed. On her part - this also was not an autoaggression. She tried to get rid of defects in anti-sexual education: the breast can not be exposed, it's indecent, it should be hidden, so she hunched and hid.

Congestion is a frequent "bad habit".You can deal with it, however, in a different way, but also all with the help of operant conditioning.20-year-old Maria came from Kursk to me for a summer seminar in Bolshaya Ryabaya( Turgenevsky reserve on the border of Orel and Tula regions).We conducted training: for conflictogens( elements of initial communicative behavior that provoked conflict) were fined according to increasing. We started with 0 cents for a conflict. Repeated same conflict was worth 20 cents. For the third time, the same conflict agent was filed - 40 kopecks. The fourth repetition is 80 cents. And so on, Maria, like Julia, went bent. And her 2nd number did not show at all on the T-shirt with painted big eyes, which looked like crumpled. .. And so - pretty and clever, well, and in psychology has already started to understand. With Maria, we agreed to take from her fines and for hunches - equated to the conflict. Not far from the truth. Testing people with their ugliness, which in principle can be eliminated, is a conflict.

For the fifth hunchback Maria laid out the ruble 60 kopecks, for the sixth - 3.20, for the seventh - 6.40, for the eighth - 2.80. .. But the ninth hunch did not follow, as for him should have already laid out 25.60. .. This was for Mariaexpensive, meaningful - and already at an unconscious level served as a regulator of her posture. .. And by the way, it became clear that where there were only incomprehensible folds of jersey on the T-shirt, in fact, there were very sexy hemispheres. I saw how the eyes of the group, even the women, rushed to the eyes, painted on a T-shirt. And then in reality everything was like Mayakovsky's: "Where all the bulge - for these - we take."

Well, you can and so, only this requires a different device: not a knotted rope, but a training group. .. It may be even pohleshche knotted rope.

Same business with a hairdo. Well, conduct surveys of men that they like more in the "application" to the woman: a cheek or an open forehead. I conducted such polls: they like chelochka more. And women often use an open forehead. And sometimes they prefer the absence of a hairstyle at all - if only the hair does not get in the eye. It turns out: patly - here, patly - there. Hell, I'm a full member of the Academy of Imaging. And I tell you, dear ladies: peas like bangs. Very intelligent. Remember Pasternak:

"And the forelock touched a wonderful bang And gubfialok.

I will refer to Picasso too. Look at his girl with a flower.

Open forehead is a challenge. It should be perfect, if you put it on yourself. No. It's better to change haircuts. And you need to see yourself from different angles. In the mirror, only a part of your head is visible. We must look at ourselves in several mirrors, not in one;take a photo, take a video.

One epileptoid, in accordance with her psychotype, wore a brace on her head and fixed her hair, opening her forehead. So it is convenient, - she explained, - hair does not interfere. But at the same time she asked me why men keep her on the position of a party companion, and not in the role of a sexual companion. The lady was over forty, and she rationally declared her credo:

- Kato already wants to decorate your life with small intrigues. Daughters - twenty, she has her own life, she shares her impressions with me, and I feel deprived of myself.

This psychological client had a good female texture. But I tried to discredit her in her eyes. I prefer psychosurgery, not balsamic bandages. We shot her everyday image on video. We looked through them together. She recoiled. .. I said:

t Here you saw yourself from the outside;probably, also recoiled and men.

- And how is it?

And we fumbled with her head for a long time, looking for "as it should".And it was necessary, of course, in the first place to remove the brace and throw it into the basket for dog toys. She did it. I at own risk combed her hair in all directions and made her a bang, cut her evenly and thinned out with thinning scissors: Again shooting on video. She was amazed:

- Now I understand why I started back. ..

- Are you satisfied with yourself?

- I fell in love with

. The men in the group were so polite that they did not talk about the changes, but they became so playful that she noted their "stickiness".Right there one "comrade in the party"( well, not in the party, okay, but for the group) saw her as a sexy girlfriend and walked straight to the house.

I'm not going to talk about hairdressing. In the latter case, it was still on intuition. Moreover, I will not teach the whole costumology - read the psychologically and technologically sound books of the Sorins' sisters. One of the sisters is the president of the Academy of image Elena Petrova. So these books - with a psychological foundation, but also written - here I can in general be an expert - a normal Russian language.

I will still give some advice.

If you are an unpainted blonde, fit: both light colors, and dark, and "in the middle" located. But if the skin is swarthy, then you need a contrast - either black or light, but not dark gray. The same for men.

Modelers sometimes show off so that they seem to violate the laws of Gestalt psychology, the division of psychological science, in which the main theme is a single image( gesh

talt).All the same, the head should not be cut off from the body, it is one with it. And one of the variants of "fashion" is a T-shirt and a jacket on it. It distorts me - as if preparing for a guillotine;so before the execution they cut off the collar of the shirt. Logically - a shirt with a collar, okay, albeit without a tie. Like a meeting without a tie was a symbol of emancipation, freedom in relations, part of the mask was eliminated. Well, a tie - also normal - disciplines: collar so as not to warp. You can chtoto average, like Mikhail Zadornov: a turtleneck and a jacket. .. But it's not worth it - a jacket for a T-shirt.

Aesthetically acceptable or, conversely, unaesthetic may be human behavior. Too often I have to watch in a student's audience. It seems to be even a beauty and. .. yawns: such, you know, potyagushechki. .. Or is sitting such a cowboy with a Hollywood smile, legs stretched forward - "I have a lot";say, look at my long legs and even in boots with very sharp and very long noses. But that's not all: I can also pull my hands back, also pulling, and you, the professor, try so - so you will be condemned. Brrr. .. I do not want to be crucified before such students, But some teachers are modest, they are silent, "do not notice", and maybe they do not really notice. .. And in the family one can find examples of such anti-aesthetic behavior. I already sneered at the fact that my husband - hair curlers, and the head - curls. In addition, that in matrimony it is anti-aesthetic, if you think about it, it's also unfair. Make-up and cream - about them, I also missed the irony. A wash in a bath and do not take it with you. .. Next let the imagination and experience of each reader increase the number of such stories.

It is worth discussing cases with "incorrigible defects" of appearance. I venture to become edifying, however, as King Garin in the Cinderella movie said: "Connections are connections, but one must have conscience, too." This rule applies to the topic "aesthetics in the family."I knew an old man. So it was in his old age that he decided to break up with his wife and find a replacement for the best option. He was introduced - the man was quite significant for many people. But for each candidate, he found irreparable flaws. One has a very large belly, the other has rough hands, the third has a hooked nose, the fourth has wrinkled skin. .. He himself was seventy-five with all the consequences for the image of

.Yes, something in him, frankly speaking, was far from aesthetically pleasing: he blew his nose loudly, at people cleaned his ears, his hair protruded in his nose, and the crumbs of food on his beard. But if he, God forbid, reminded of this, it was impossible to avoid a violent reaction: what am I, at the end of my life I have no right to happiness? This case, I must say, rather exclusive. But also illustrative.

Relationships in matrimony are better than tolerant of treating some physical and psychological shortcomings of a person. Many help "but".Not so beautiful, but smart and kind. These "but" work well in the actual aesthetic sphere. Unexpressed bust, but a beautiful priest. An earthy complexion, but his features are correct and charming. A lot, but very charming smile. So the well-known "If only man was good", let us be a healing self-hypnosis.

Besides, let's take a closer look: we are not perfect. And we forgive ourselves. Therefore, as soon as a critical attitude arises, let's make it a habit to go to the mirror and find in ourselves what we need to forgive. And by the way, you need to think about what you can fix in yourself, so as not to annoy your spouse. You can not walk in "training" with bubbles on your knees. You can make hair for your husband. But on the other hand, in relaxation there is a charm - such a peculiar dialectic in matrimonial ethics and aesthetics.

Questions of family aesthetics are also based on the psychology of communication. Elementary "please" and "thank you" - without this you can not escape. But it seems, well, what really there, we live together, to what these formalities, superfluous it. And that's not superfluous. You can not spoil the porridge with oil. But there are different: "I'm not talking to you", "All right, enough", "Kisonyka, give that plate. .. this one, and that, oh, God, nothing you can not ask for" - about a thousand phrases. And they need to be removed from the lexicon, knowing beforehand why. .. I sat down on my favorite skate, but I will not chase him, I invite the reader to sit on him instead of me: read "The labyrinth of communication"( ASTPress, 2002, 2003, 2004).

Hooray, that's got to the "holy of holies" of family relationships - to financial problems in the family. And then I put everything off and postponed this conversation. .. Well, with God, because otherwise you will not understand.

So. ..