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  • Aggressiveness and shyness

    Children learn to restrain their aggressiveness. Are you worried when a two-year-old child clings to another's hair or when a four-year-old takes away a toy gun from another? Some parents believe that such aggression should be immediately suppressed. There is no doubt that our civilized life would be impossible if people did not know how to restrain their aggressiveness. But parents should not worry too much about this. A normal child himself gradually learns this as his character develops and with good relations with his parents.

    Think about how the child's aggressiveness is transformed in different periods of development. A hungry baby is furious at the whole world. The one-year-old, when he is annoyed, can hit the mother in the face, if she allows it to him. By one and a half years, if he was brought up affectionately but firmly, he will refrain from such an attack, but he will show his anger, stomping his feet.

    A two-year-old child without hesitation beats a scoop on the head of another, if he took his toy. A four-year-old is much more civilized. He will argue with the robber, at least first.

    Meanwhile, he learns to vent his aggressive addictions in the game. At first it's a very simple game. He points a toy gun and says: "Bach! I shot you! "He is amused by the thought of murder. But you do not need to scold or "educate" him. He already knows that you can not damage other people, and releases steam in the game.(This is one of the reasons for children's love for stories about violence.) One can go a little further and assume that a child who can play in wounds and murders can result in being much more friendly than those who restrain such aspirations.

    When boys reach the age of six to ten years, their games depicting violence become more organized. Students of high school and college children's games are no longer satisfied. Their place is occupied by sports, sports games, debates and struggle for superiority in study. All these activities require a certain aggression. But this aggressiveness is controlled by dozens of rules and conditions.

    When a person goes into the adult world and goes to work, he still needs his aggressive instincts, but they are even more controlled and civilized. He vies for a higher position in the service. He tries to make his business prosperous. On the farm, he fights bad weather and pests and competes with other farmers at the autumn fair.

    In other words, when a two-year-old child strikes another on the head, or a four-year-old plays shooting, or a nine-year-old reads with bloodthirsty comics, he goes through the necessary stages of curbing his aggressive inclinations, and this will make him a worthy citizen.

    I do not want to say that you should not do anything if your little child is unusually angry towards other children or if your eldest son is more violent than the other boys. Excessive aggressiveness needs to be contained, and this is easily achieved if you look closely

    Bad words. Sometimes at three, more often in four years, a child goes through a stage when he likes bad words. Children offend each other with expressions such as "You're a big ass" or "I'll smash you in the outhouse," and consider themselves witty and brave. This should be considered a normal stage in their development. You can ask the child to stop if you do not like it, or you can let him play until he gets bored.

    Growing up, all children communicate with each other, and they have a chance to get acquainted with obscene or "dirty" words. Long before they understand the meaning of these words, the children already know that they are not good. As people, they repeat them to show that they are already big and do not be afraid to be a little bad. Conscientious and conscious parents usually experience a severe shock hearing such words from the lips of their children, which seem so innocent to them. What should the good parents do in this case? It is better not to faint and not pretend that you are mortally offended or frightened. For a shy child, this is too strong a test: he will be alarmed and become afraid of other children who use such words. But most of the children, after discovering that such words shock parents, rejoice at heart. Some will now repeat their homes, hoping to produce the same effect. Others, which threats will prevent from using obscene words at home, in other places will still pronounce them. The fact is that when you tell a child that with simple sounds he can shock the whole world, you seem to give him in hand a real loaded cannon and say: "Just do not shoot it."On the other hand, I do not think you should be silent and reconciled. You can firmly tell the child that you, like most other people, do not like to hear these words and do not want to use it.