Child Support

One of my acquaintances in adolescence encountered psychological problems. He spent a lot of time in his room listening to music, because it was the only thing that gave him real pleasure. But over time the situation worsened. Even after he stopped living with his parents, the problems remained. And many years later he said an interesting thing: it turns out that one of the strongest blows to his self-esteem was how his parents always spoke about that "terrible" music that he loved.

You see: when you criticize what a teenager likes, you criticize him. At this age, self-esteem is very unstable, and a teenager can easily decide that you do not approve, or even do not like, himself. No matter what you are talking about: music, views on life, clothes, or decision to become a vegetarian - the child should know that you approve of his choice.

This is one of the many teen paradoxes. On the one hand, they want to riot, shock you, do something to spite you, and on the other hand they need your approval. Maybe it bothers you, but it's still more difficult for them. They are now trapped in the mind and body, who are trying to make the transition from child addiction to adult independence, and often do not know what they want and what they need. At some point, a teenager wants to grow up as soon as possible, but the next time he suddenly starts to be afraid of this and dreams of staying a little longer. You just have to put up with it.

And yet: you should show interest in what they like. Even if the child does not show you this, he himself will think that it's just fine! Do not overdo it - even categorically you should not do this, because there is nothing worse than a forty-year-old dad pretending to be "cool" in modern dance music. Do not bend the stick - just show interest. Do not pretend to be an enthusiastic fan of their favorite music or style in clothes, but at the same time you can not treat them with disdain. And it is possible that you will indeed find something interesting in your child's hobbies. This is one of the many positive aspects of communicating with a teenage child: he is already old enough to have completely reasonable interests, which you can quite share if you have a certain breadth of perception. And this, of course, about you.