Why people are jealous and how to stop jealous
Mar 04, 2018
Jealousy is a terrible feeling that "eats" us from the inside. Almost every person on earth experienced a feeling of jealousy, regardless of who was neither the object of jealousy: husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, parents, brothers or sisters, friends, etc. If you are tired of experiencing this unpleasant feeling in relation to your second half, and you want to get rid of it, in this article we will try to help you analyze the origins and causes of jealousy in order to overcome this feeling in yourself.
In this article we will consider:
- Reasons and types of jealousy
- Why we are jealous of
- How to stop jealous of
Causes and types of jealousy
Because jealousy is an entirely psychological problem, it requires a very deep internal analysis to get rid of it.
Reasons for Jealousy
Why are people jealous? The specific causes of jealousy in each person are individual, but globally they can be divided into two types: justified and unreasonable.
Unreasonable jealousy of
Unreasonable jealousy is when a person is jealous for no reason, still it can be called an imaginary jealousy, when the reasons are contrived, the situation is misunderstood, or the person is simply jealous for no reason. This kind of jealousy originates from the following reasons:
- As a child, you always had to divide something or you were not in the first place
Very often the causes of jealousy originate from childhood, when a person originally had to share something with a brother or sister,well, or with a similar situation. For example, it was necessary to share the love of parents, attention, things, gifts, etc. All this can involuntarily postpone the imprint on the subconscious and over time, as we grow up, we can not easily perceive that we are not in the first place, and maybe someone else.
- Fear of loneliness
The reason for jealousy may be the fear of being left alone or alone. What is it? This is because you are jealous of your other half because of the fear that he or she will find a substitute and throw you and you will be left alone. Often at the same time, many themselves "wind up" that after they remain alone, they will not be able to find new love, etc. In this case, the main, and perhaps the only, cause of jealousy is low self-esteem.
- I do not want to share it with anyone
If you are jealous of your other half if she spends a lot of time or often communicates with someone else, whether friends, members of the opposite sex and even parents or children, thenThe reason for this is your selfishness.
- Are jealous for the prevention of
It also happens that you are not really jealous, but you arrange jealousy scenes for the second half so that she / he will not live well, so that he / she even was afraid to admit the idea of crossing the line of jealousy. The reason for this is ordinary rudeness, as well as a chronic mistrust of the second half.
The second kind of jealousy is justified jealousy, when jealousy is justified. Logically, justified jealousy is one and it has no subspecies, since you are jealous because of the real fact and situation. For example, you caught your second half flirting with the opposite sex, how can you not be jealous!? Therefore, justified jealousy is quite normal phenomenon, but always talk with your second half and say that he / she crosses some boundaries and this behavior is unpleasant for you.
If with justified jealousy it's easy, then we'll devote our article to the question of how to get rid of jealousy if it's unreasonable.
Kinds of jealousy
- The feeling of jealousy is calm or simply suppressed;
- Jealousy is strongly experienced inside, but the person does not pretend that he is jealous;
- Jealous, a person "boils" inside, and spits out his feelings of jealousy;
- And the most difficult form, when a person experiences a "maniacal" feeling of jealousy and on this basis rolls scandals and does not control himself.
Surely, many people thought that the first two kinds, when jealousy is calm, it's very good - but it's not entirely true. When we experience the so-called hidden jealousy and suppress everything in ourselves, then on the one hand it's good, because we control ourselves, but there are also negative consequences: we keep everything in ourselves and accumulate a problem that at some point can come outand have very serious consequences.
Why we are jealous of
Now, let's consider the question: why are we jealous and what specific reasons are provocateurs of jealousy.
Why men are jealous of
Perhaps the most common reason for jealousy of men is their sense of ownership, since you must belong only to him. Here the key role is played by the banal "mine": I will not give it to anyone, and that she will devote herself only to me. With self-esteem, self-esteem is closely connected with the feeling of ownership, because if someone is more interested in the second half than he is, or if treason occurs, then for some, it is a blow to self-love, and not so much to the very fact of betrayal.
Men, many situations judge by themselves, and maybe, if he sees in everything the reason for jealousy, then maybe a "sin" is concealed, it may not be treason, it may be secret desires, flirting with other women, frequent communicationetc.
Well, again, low self-esteem and self-doubt provoke a feeling of jealousy in men.
Why women are jealous of
Women are jealous of men almost on the same signs as men, but in this case, a very important role is played by the stereotype that almost all men change and this factor plays the role of a catalyst in the causes of female jealousy.
Also, to the causes of female jealousy, you can include the fear of loneliness and the lack of autonomy of a woman. If the husband or boyfriend changes or leaves for another, then in that case she will remain alone, and an independent life, both morally and financially, causes her fear and fear.
How to stop jealous of
It is very important to understand and answer the question: why am I jealous and grounded in jealousy. You can understand this with the help of introspection, about which we wrote above. That is, when you are encompassed by a feeling of jealousy, examine its roots, what exactly is it that causes jealousy: the action or vice versa inaction of the second half, why you do not like it and you are jealous. It is very important to understand honestly whether your jealousy is based or not.
Let's look at an example of how to do this: let's say you are jealous of your other half, which communicates with a representative or representative of the opposite sex. So, what exactly is it that causes jealousy: that they communicate, that your second half does not stop this communication, or that their communication goes beyond the bounds of friendship. If their communication really goes beyond the friendly, then jealousy is justified, and even if you are confident in yourself, then the very fact of this is very unpleasant. In other cases, if they conduct a simple brief communication, then, probably, the reason is in you. Why are you jealous? You want him / she to be the time when he communicates with the opposite sex, gave you or spoke to you on this topic, or you do not like this communication with the opposite sex. This situation can be learned in two ways, or the second half pays little attention to you, and therefore you are jealous of it, or to all the guilt of selfishness and a sense of ownership. Therefore, in order to understand the causes of jealousy and to know how to get rid of it, such a complex analysis is needed.
How to overcome the jealousy of
If you think that your jealousy is justified, then it is unnecessary to roll scandals - they do not lead to anything good. Try to calmly tell your second half that you did not like and what bothers you, if he / she loves you and values relationships, then he will understand and try not to do this any more, or will dispel your experiences.
If the cause of jealousy is the fear of loneliness and be abandoned or abandoned, then as already mentioned, the reason for this is low self-esteem and self-doubt. You need to understand and inspire yourself: that you are beautiful, intelligent, interesting and will never be left alone - that is, to increase your self-esteem.
When you are jealous of the other half because you are in emotional dependence, understand that even if you lose it, there are a lot of interesting and wonderful people in the world that are no worse than your second half. In the event that you are jealous of your other half because you are afraid to lose because of financial dependence, then everything is in your hands, become financially independent and the problem will be solved.
Some feel jealousy because they wind up negative thoughts themselves or someone constantly slanders the second half - pull yourself together and do not grind stupid things, reason cold-bloodedly and lean on the facts.
If you are jealous of your other half because you have "sinful" thoughts or actions for yourself, then it's only you. Do not judge people by yourself, correct yourself and value your relationships.
If the cause of your jealousy is your selfishness and sense of ownership, then the scenes of jealousy and by limiting the freedom of the second half you will not keep your relationship. Remember one important rule: relationships should bring joy and not be a burden, and by such actions you only destroy them, making them unhappy both.
Try to do so that your second half was with you freely, well, comfortably and she wanted every free moment to spend with you, so that it was natural and sincere, and not compulsorily jealous.
How to stop jealous of your husband
If you want to stop jealous of your boyfriend or husband, then build your relationship on trust. Understand, by jealousy you can not prevent his betrayal or your parting, if it is destined, then you can not prevent this in any way, but it is not worth provoking it. Take care, make your life bright and interesting, diversify the intimate life, so your boyfriend or husband will be fine with you and he will not even think about treason. Trust him and give him moderate freedom, if he changes or prefers excessive communication with other girls, then probably he is not who you need, maybe somewhere you are waiting for that man who only you need and you will have a strong and trusting relationship.
How to stop jealous of his wife
As for jealousy of men, then to stop jealous of a girl and wife, you must build a relationship in which you will be comfortable and comfortable both. Everything is in your hands, you do not need to be jealous: take offense and arrange proceedings, instead, make sure that your loved one sees in you her ideal and she only needed you. Perhaps it will be difficult to reconcile with the fact that she has to communicate with the opposite sex, understand: you are a man, and the owner of the situation, let him communicate - because she loves only you. If this communication goes beyond, then such a man as you can always find and charm another, worthy girl.
How to stop jealous of the past
Quite often, many of us are jealous of the past of their second half. It is very important to understand and inspire yourself that his / her past was before meeting you, then you were not, but now everything has changed. Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that you can not give the same vivid impressions in your life to your second half, what were before you or are afraid that she believes that her past life is better than life with you. Often, these are suspicious reasons, which are simply conceived. Frankly talk with your second half, and she will calm you and convince you otherwise.