How to find a common language with your husband - how to find a common language with your husband
When the relationship is just beginning, most often we do not think about how to find a common language with your young man. After all, everything happens as if by itself. But here time goes, there are some disagreements, the former passion weakens and turns into calmness. At such a moment, there often starts to feel some distance from the spouse, and the question arises of how to find a common language with the husband.
Without the obsession
Very many girls and women dream of becoming one with their husbands, how to dissolve in a relationship. And this, in turn, destroys all boundaries between you - two persons.
Believe, this, in your opinion, is a wonderful aspiration, it will not help you to better understand the spouse, but on the contrary, will still exacerbate and possibly destroy your marriage. As much as your man did not love you, he still needs a personal space. He just does not want to lose his personality. Therefore, one should never be obtrusive.
Do not "dissolve" in the husband
This advice is very closely related to the previous one. This is another very common mistake of a large number of women - in order to become interesting for the husband, they begin to live his life, to love everything the same as he, forgetting about himself. Such women sincerely believe that it is easy to find a common language with your beloved husband - you just need to completely "dissolve" into it.
But here's the practice shows quite the opposite. No man will like to communicate with his own copy. Moreover, this "copy" already in a very short time will start to irritate him, because it is boring and trivial. In addition, to a woman who behaves this way, very soon all respect is lost.
The situation is further complicated by the fact that "having dissolved" in her beloved, the woman begins to make demands for bestowal and exactly the same attitude toward herself. What's happening? A man will try to increase the distance between you more and more. After all( again) neither of them wants to lose their freedom. In psychology, there is even such a method as the "effect of suspenders".When a woman at first a little distance from themselves, then to draw forever.
Without perfectionism
Perfectionism is the pursuit of an ideal in everything that can not be controlled. Women who suffer from it, try to make an ideal from their loved one. But, as it turned out, this aspiration is not an appropriate assistant, if you want to find a common language with your husband.
The first thing you should always remember is that there are no ideal people. And even if once you succeed in "breaking" yourself or your husband, after a certain time the real essence of the person will come out.
This also applies to you. Even if at first you will be able to build an ideal wife from yourself, after a certain period of time you can not always please and obey. Moreover, then, as you imagine an ideal wife, may not strongly coincide with the views of men.
The second, even the slightest desire of a person in some way to remake another will certainly meet resistance. So do not be surprised if your loved one has become desperate to defend against everything that you came up with. And the relationship because of such "rework" you can very badly spoil.
In the third, imagine: you managed to make your husband an ideal man. But only now you will be fatally boring from this. After all, it became absolutely predictable and passive.
The same can be said about yourself. Well, you will become perfect, and for a man this will only get worse. All for the same reason: ideal women are boring and uninteresting.
Some qualities can not be remade. Therefore, it remains only to accept it with all the shortcomings. For example, never from a rational pragmatist can you make an ardent romantic. And from the passive melancholy of an explosive choleric.
If you want to find a common language with your loved one, do not try in any way to remake either yourself or him. After all, only individuality in behavior gives people a charm.
Praise your beloved
In order to find a common language with your husband, you need not only to talk seriously with him and express discontent, but also to praise him from time to time. Agree that everyone likes to hear pleasant words about their achievements. Men are no exception, and they also like it very much.
Always make compliments to your spouse, but in no case do you need to go for complete flattery. It helps in achieving mutual understanding with his beloved praise him before friends and acquaintances. Such an act will give a man a sense of self-worth and instill confidence in him that he is valued and loved. And when a woman appreciates her beloved, he can not help but respond to her. But was not that what you were trying to achieve?