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Is it possible to punish a child? How to do it right?

  • Is it possible to punish a child? How to do it right?

    Mar 04, 2018

    A Family

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  • Rules for punishing children

    Normal or not?


    According to statistics, psychologists claim that 100% of parents who directly use physical punishment in relation to their children, thus compensate for their impotence. This happens in most cases because parents do not know how to behave in this situation and on children compensate their irritation. Subsequently, parents feel guilty for not being able to resolve the situation peacefully and, as a result, they hurt their baby.

    99% of parents are sure that with the help of physical influence on the child, they try to form certain norms of behavior in him, that is, to show how badly he acts and that it is not worth doing so. In fact, physical remarks do not teach children anything using this method, parents only show that they are stronger, and that with the help of force they can force the child to do what he was told.

    It should be noted that the punishment gives the child fear. Consequently, as a result, the child may become frightened and immediately cease to behave badly, but, unfortunately, this is only the appearance of the fact that it has produced a positive result.

    If after the punishment carefully observe the child, you can notice that your child will try to find a way to settle scores with his abuser. This can be manifested in the fact that he will make poor assessments, tease his brothers and sisters, spoil some things or do not perform his household duties, this list can be quite large.

    Frequent physical comments in the end can lead to the education of a difficult child. This happens directly as a result of the fact that the child can not respond to the parents, and accordingly, begins to show aggression towards his peers and to those who are weaker than him. In addition, a child may regard punishment as a dislike of parents and stop loving oneself.



    Psychology of physical punishment


    Physical observation does not contribute to the development of skills in the child, who assume responsibility for their actions. Unfortunately, in such a case the child has such norms of behavior, under which the guilty child tries to get out of this situation innocent. This development of events does not contribute to the development and directly improvement of their own moral principles.

    In cases where you use physical punishment for a particular offense, the child becomes too stubborn, either compliant, and not infrequently even vindictive. Thus, the child does not understand what he should have learned a lesson for himself, he at this moment will be interested in how to settle scores with his abuser.

    Naturally, the leprosy of a child can be different, and it is often difficult for parents to keep themselves in hand, since in this case one has to deal not only with whims, but also with emotions. In this case, there can be only one way out, namely: to learn to restrain one's emotions and adequately assess the situation. Having calmed down and having analyzed, probably you will draw conclusions, that the child actually is not guilty and it or him there is nothing to punish, as situations happen different.

    It should also be noted that the direct opposite of the behavior that is controlled by an influential person is directly self-control, which in turn is based on the orientations and values ​​of the child himself. Thus, the child learns to answer for his actions himself and behaves in a way that he considers necessary.

    As a result of physical observation, there are also side effects such as low self-esteem, or behavior that is based on a sense of fear, including feelings of resentment toward the person whose love you counted on, etc. It is also worth noting the fact that physical punishment makes the child somewhat distrustful, and also pushes to conceal their mistakes.

    In some cases, adults themselves are to blame for the fact that the child is behaving badly, as a result of the fact that the family does not have one general opinion on the rules of behavior. First of all, adults need to agree among themselves, about what is possible and what is not.

    Quite often it happens that adults are too busy and children begin to be capricious or acquire bad habits, precisely in order to attract their attention.

    Many will agree that sometimes punishments are undeserved, for example, a child does not eat everything that was put to him. In this case, there is nothing to blame for, the child simply has a bad appetite. Or parents punish a child for failing to learn from their peers, there is no reason, because each child has a different pace of development, and he can not go beyond these boundaries.

    But at the same time, and the boundless indulgence of parents and indulgence to all childish whims, does not allow to avoid conflicts, on the contrary, makes them inevitable. In this case, the children simply do not form an idea of ​​the boundaries of what can and can not be, accordingly, this leads to a disrespectful and selfish attitude towards other people. But this also does not mean that one should resort to physical punishments.


    How to avoid the use of physical punishment?


    In order to avoid the physical punishment of your child, you can resort to the help of several principles, described by the American pediatrician D. Dobson, based on the proposed principles, parents can formulate the correct punishment for their child.

    First of all, you need to set the limits of the allowed, and only then demand their immediate execution. First you have to decide for yourself what you want and what you do not want. And put your child to know what is acceptable in his behavior, and what is forbidden. It is under this condition that the child will perceive punishment as an act of justice. That is, if you have not established rules, then there is no point in requiring them to be executed directly.

    One should learn to distinguish between children's irresponsibility and self-will. First of all, this means that the child can not be punished for an unintentional act. In the event that the child simply forgot to fulfill one or another of your requests or did not understand what you asked of him, do not punish the baby, since you can not make the same demands to the child, to his immediate intellect and memory, as to the adults. Children's irresponsibility is absolutely not the same as adult disobedience, children require a more patient attitude.

    If the behavior of the child is provocative, then in this case it should be answered resolutely and confidently. In the event that the child shows disobedience, and when it goes to open conflict, you in turn should confidently and resolutely accept this fight. Since helplessness on the part of the adult deprives him of authority in the eyes of the child.

    When the conflict is finally exhausted, you should explain and comfort the child. In any situation, the child is very hard to endure the punishment. At such times he experiences abandonment, confusion and his guilt. As the term of punishment of the kid is over, it is necessary to make peace with him. Hug him, tell me how much you love him, and that it was very unpleasant for you to do this.

    Do not ask the child for the impossible. Parents should always be sure that the child can fulfill what they require of him. Do not scold him for breaking something you gave him to play. In this case, punishment can cause unresolved internal conflict of the baby.

    Always be guided by love. Naturally, any educational process can not avoid mistakes, blunders and conflicts. Healthy relationships with the child are primarily built on warmth, love, and sincere care. They can justify the need for discipline and rigor.

    As for the punishment itself, the most effective way that psychologists recognize is the rejection of pleasures. For example, if the family is going to go on weekends to the zoo, to attractions, circus, etc. Then, in such a case, in advance, warn the child that in case of his guilt, entertainment is canceled.

    Another of the effective methods is ignoring. Do not forget that for most children, the most important is the attention of parents. It is also worth noting that in most cases, bad deeds are committed by children because they want to be seen. In such cases, the child should be warned that if he does this again, you will not talk to him until he apologizes and does not realize the guilt. Naturally, the child will want to check whether it really will be like you said, and, having made sure of this, will cease to commit this act.

    This method will not be appropriate in the event that your child pushes someone or beats, then in this case it is necessary to hold an explanatory conversation, and explain why it is impossible to do so. In the event that the baby ignores it, you can put it as punishment in a corner.

    Rules for punishing children


    It is also worth remembering that before you punish a child, you should warn about it that after he does bad deeds, there will always be a punishment, so you will give the child a chance to improve. Do not forget that a child should always know what he is being scolded for.

    Children should be punished for the case, in which case they do not take offense, but if you are outraged because the child just fell into your hot hand, then you should apologize to him.

    When parents constantly shout at the child, he gets used to it and this does not reproduce any impression on him, he can start shouting at his peers, instead of communicating with them calmly.

    Psychologists have identified several characteristics relating to the correct punishment of the child.

    1. Punishment should in no case cause the child neither psychological nor physical harm.
    2. You can not postpone the punishment for later, it should go immediately after the misconduct.
    3. It's worth it to punish the parent with whom the baby has a conflict.
    4. If a child has done a lot of schooling, the punishment should be one and immediately for everything.
    5. If you promised to punish a child, be sure to do so, since empty threats lead to a child's sense of permissiveness.

    The main thing is always to share the child and act. Bad is not a child, but his deed.

    You can not punish a child while eating or playing games, before going to bed, and if the child has tried to do something good, but it did not work for some reason.

    It should also be noted one rather important aspect, before proceeding to punish the child, think about why you decided to do it. Analyze whether this is done from evil, is not guided by revenge or resentment, or whether it is caused by a sense of your helplessness. After that, calm down, stop and try to rethink the situation and your reaction. Ask yourself the question: "What do I really want to teach my child at the moment?"

    To do this it is necessary first of all for the child to know that he is punished because he behaved badly, and it is only his faulthe. He should understand that you regret that you had to resort to punishment, that it does not give you any pleasure, but in the case of circumstances you can not do otherwise. And if the child does not want to be punished it is necessary to monitor his behavior and behave well.

    Raising a child is a rather complicated and painstaking process, so it's worth taking responsibility with it, because in this case the character, the personality of the baby is formed, and if to harm him at the moment, then in the future he can have problems with the psyche. If you do not know how to act in this or that situation, and you just drop your hands, and the child still does not listen to you, contact a child psychologist, he will help you understand this difficult situation.

    • Many will agree that one of the most interesting questions of parents is the issue of punishing children: is it possible to do this, and if so, how correctly, and so on? Of course, children growing up, do not always behave like angels, obediently listening to parents and elders, quite often our behavior leads us to complete confusion, which requires an adequate and correct reaction. How to deal with situations like how to behave - let's try to understand this article.

    Article content:

  • Normal or not?
  • Psychology of physical punishment
  • How to avoid the use of physical punishment?

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