How to escape from the husband of a tyrant - breaking relations with her husband a tyrant
The rapidly developing modern society can be compared with the growth and development of the organism, in which everything does not go according to plan and ideally. This process always needs adjustment, support, like control over the growth and development of the child. The reorientation of the countries of the former Soviet Union, including Russia, to independent development, inevitably led to difficulties both on a national scale and in the social and domestic sphere, which is a kind of mirror of state problems. One of the social problems has long been and, unfortunately, remains today the problem of family relations, in particular - violence against a woman in the family. Violence in the family has a detrimental effect not only on adults, but also on the next generation. The offense against the parents, in particular the mother, in the future is transformed into a hostile attitude towards all women, to other people, to society. Hence the source of violence in the family in any manifestation.
Skills of knowledge of a person
Any positive changes can begin only with the knowledge of themselves, as well as the knowledge of other people, which can later be understood and accepted. Knowing a person before entering into a family relationship with him, you can see in advance its features, in particular, the propensity to violence. And then there will be no need to answer a question without an answer - where did my eyes look?
Not every person during life acquires the skills of knowing another person in special training in psychology, which, of course, is very useful. And having got into a difficult family situation, in particular, violence in the family, try to solve it. Therefore, we at a household level will talk about those measures that will be useful.
Our illusions
Almost always in a family with complex relationships, there is an opinion that you can still change, correct, return to the previous channel. Memories of life before the wedding, in the honeymoon, in the first year after the wedding, convince the happy outcome of a difficult situation. There are arguments that the husband who beat the day before his wife, very sorry for this, became affectionate and attentive, asked for forgiveness. There is a belief that the behavior of the family partner can be changed if you change yourself - do not irritate it, do not upset it. There is a conviction that we must sacrifice our well-being, hide our desires and urgently help our husband, who drinks and beats because he himself is very ill. Such beliefs last sometimes for years. The desire to help a loved one, albeit a cruel person, is justified by love and faith.
Most likely, you are mistaken if you think you can control the intake of alcohol, drugs, bad companies of your companion, his craving for the use of physical strength. By the way, such a man beats a child, believing that he brings up. For him to "beat" and "educate" - the concepts are equivalent.
Decision-making period
It is worthwhile to analyze whether anything fundamentally has changed in family relations last days, months, or years. Short bright times, for sure, gave way to new humiliations and fear. If this is so, then it is pointless to believe that the problem is exhausted. It's time to separate reality from illusions and make an important decision - to stay or to leave a tyrant husband, to save or to save.
Parting with a loved one is always not easy. It is said to "die a little".A painful, doubtful period of decision-making requires taking a step into the unknown. But if the decision is made, it is important to think how to get away from the husband of a tyrant, how to successfully implement a withdrawal plan without negative consequences.
If you walk on your heels, ask for forgiveness and beg for mercy, to assure that this does not happen again - lies! It is necessary to understand that physical violence is not a manifestation of love, but rather a shortening of the duration of your life, if not its sudden termination. Delivered the goal beats do not get caught, using techniques that are forbidden even in battles without rules. Survive after such far from many. Therefore we say goodbye to illusions and take the initiative of parting at ourselves. And remember - you can get rid of a tyrant!
The way to the rescue of
There are several steps-methods for implementing the intended. First we will work on ourselves.
Step 1-st. Why do I need such a tyrant? We must come to this conclusion on our own, understanding that it is not within our power to change a person( a tyrant husband).You need to change yourself, taking full responsibility for it. Perhaps honestly admit to yourself in the "pleasure" of being offended by the sufferer, to whom many are forgiven by others. And this is a form of irresponsibility. That is, we are making efforts to change ourselves.
Step 2-nd. Responsibility for one's own life. You will have to make a choice: either you are a person who lives a healthy, full-fledged life, free from the morbid dependencies of a tyrant husband;or you put your life in mortal danger, playing in a "weak woman".If you want to be weak, then, as they say, relax and get "pleasure."
Think about what is best for you:
- responsibility + respect for yourself + normal relationships;
- irresponsibility + "behind a stone wall" with a "strong shoulder" + with suffering and humiliation.
This is when a husband considers his wife a "stupid chicken", a servant and at times of revelation periodically "informs" her about this in a peculiar way, punishing for negligence or tearing her off on her business failures. This is self-deception and irresponsibility, and no "female happiness".
Step 3.We change our outlook. That is, the idea of the world, life and its role in it. But in this harmonious picture the tyrant has entered. Consequently, one has to change one's own picture of the world. There are many ways that require, as they say, "turn on your head."
Write these words on a piece of paper and burn it. Negative can not be accumulated, it must go away.
Books on the psychological topic of such authors as E. Fromm, Karen Horney, E. Berne and others, who talk about the personality, self-development and psychology of relations, will help. Esotericism, deprived of responsibility, is inappropriate here. Doing self-similar therapy is difficult. A specialist psychoanalyst will help, but his task will consist only in directing the process of self-education.
You are the deliverer of anxiety, you will find spiritual strength, gain lost dignity, increase your self-esteem, become the mistress of your life. In other words, you will grow "wings".It's time to love yourself, but not in the sense of walking through the salons and shopping, and in the sense of even choosing a hobby, but better - self-education, career development, which is important for getting rid of material dependence on a tyrant husband.
Step 4.We leave the game. It means the change of relations with her husband. To stop being a victim in the eyes of her husband, do not fight for independence and freedom, do not be offended and insist on your opinion. No reaction to provocation, no expectations from her husband should not be. You need to compare it with an outsider, to whom you are not responsible. Your "trailer" should detach from the tyrant who does not build personal relationships with you, but plays by manipulating your feelings of guilt.
In such conditions, there is one danger - a tyrant will begin to experience increased discomfort without your "feeding", he will be very ill. Such a state of "breaking" can provoke him to bad deeds, for example, searching for a "lightning rod"( friends, mistress).As a result, your relationship will end there, and the "tyrant-victim" chain will disintegrate, which for you will be a long-awaited rescue.
Step 5-th. Divorce, and the point. Leave the hope to re-educate the tyrant.
Only humiliation and suffering of others give him pleasure. And you are always "at hand", so you will have to suffer constantly. If you succeed in maintaining dignity under such conditions, this will be equivalent to his humiliation for a tyrant husband, which will "lead out of himself."As a result, he can take any measures, up to the use of brute force. In such a situation, no matter how your husband inspired you with "who needs you?", To remain "in the life of one" is a better option. To live "for the sake of children" is also harmful - they do not need such an example. Observing this way of life, the son will become a tyrant like that, and the girl will marry a tyrant like that.
Unhealthy relationships that are not prone to treatment are removed.
How to break the relationship
Aggressive husband, as a rule, monogamous. His psyche is such that affection for one woman, even if the present life with her turned into hell, does not allow him to contact with a new companion. It would seem that each of us dreams about this, of course, under the condition of complete idyll. It is not an easy task to get rid of such a man.
You can gather your spirit and, slipping away, firmly slam the door to show your husband the firmness of his intentions to break off the relationship. But what will be the consequences? Again, this man is a tyrant.
Reception first. Try to resort to cunning by convincing your husband that he made the decision to part ways, and therefore he is right and again right! After all, his mother told him that his wife "bitch" and he did not couple. It will not hurt to pour balm on the soul of a dangerous man, assuring him that you are unworthy of him, because he is the best. ..
In the end, the idea arises in him that "this woman is not so necessary to me".On this it is necessary to decide how disgusting and unpleasant it would be, because life is at stake.
Admission is second. Find the opportunity to go to another locality to less often collide on the street and never remind of yourself.
Aggressive monogamists are attached to their "cave" as well as to their woman, so to drag themselves to another city or country to get revenge, they will be lazy. For them, it's a stressful moment. This behavior is also associated with the mental characteristics of this type of people. By the way, it is peculiar to look for a foreign wife to bring her to your house regularly: "remember from what. .. I pulled you out!" The consequences of such relationships with the terrible stories of beatings, bullying, kidnapping are known to many modern people.
Having passed successfully such a difficult stage of life, you will certainly be happy! And also will be able to give useful advice, how to get away from the husband of a tyrant, to all needy.