How to stop being offended? What is insult? Why should we forgive offenses?
Mar 17, 2018
Every person, starting from early childhood, faces a sense of resentment. In some people, resentment quickly passes, while others conceal their resentment against their abuser all their lives. Someone easily copes with any life situations and even does not give a kind that felt a sense of resentment, and someone is sulking at all, restricting communication with people who have hurt, angry at themselves, their lives, the entire surrounding world.
What is insult?
Resentment is a bitter feeling that destroys, stirs the soul, does not let it calm down, makes constantly scrolling in the mind the situation that led to resentment, and offensive words sound in us and destroy life. Bitterness from an insult gnaws from within and does not allow to be released from suffering.
Resentment causes irritation, anger, aggression, dislike and even hatred for the person who insulted, humiliated, offended. There is a desire to avenge the insult. And even when you feel that the offender is right, but still, you persist in insisting on your rightness, trying to deceive everyone and even yourself.
Resentment occurs when a person himself believes that they were treated wrongly, unfairly, caused him physical or mental pain, upset him, insulted him, laughed at him, refused him any request.
And the feeling of resentment will be stronger for those people who are dear to him, are close than from casual passers-by. After all, if an occasional passer-by called you, you will be indignant, but you will soon forget about this incident. And if this word has flown out of the mouth of your friend or husband, then you will puff out your lips for a long time, throw angry, destructive glances at him, and do not want to talk to him, punishing him for your offense, making him feel guilty, demanding an apology and repentance from him.
But in fact you are punishing yourself, because your mood has deteriorated from insult, and digesting this situation again and again, your soul is in pain, you are refusing to communicate with your loved one, you are wasting your energy, irritating and nervous,worsening their health.
If you are constantly offended, for every reason, the grievances accumulate, there is a desire to take revenge on the offender, push him away, not to see him and not to hear. And even if your abuser repents, asks you for forgiveness, and you continue to pretend to be a victim, stubbornly unwilling to talk or scandal, then sooner or later your grievances will destroy your relationship.
And if you understand that only you yourself are the author of the insult, that you yourself are offended, and the person you are offended with is not guilty, then it will be much easier for you to cope with the pain.
What is dangerous offense?
Let's draw conclusions, what is dangerous offense? First, it causes negative emotions and quarrels, leads to a break in relationships, to loneliness. After being offended, you repel yourself from the abuser, not wanting to talk to him, and he in return will also harp on you resentment.
Secondly, offense worsens the mood, you are in a depressed state, dejection, which in turn can lead to insomnia, depression and other serious diseases.
Why people take offense
"After all, being offended sometimes is very nice, is not it? And the person knows that no one has offended him, and that he himself has thought up and offended himself for beauty, he himself exaggerated to create a picture, adhered to a word and made a mountain from a pea-he knows it himself, but still the very firsttakes offense, takes offense to pleasure, to a sense of greater pleasure, and thereby reaches the enmity of the true. .. " Dostoevsky FMThe Brothers Karamazov.
Often people take offense to change their attitude to themselves, so that relatives around him, friends, parents regret, caress, treat with love and tenderness.
The same resentment appears in people, when their expectations, hopes, the life that they created in their dreams do not justify, does not coincide with reality. And close people do not do the same things that they expect. And then a person resents everyone and the entire unjust world.
When people think that they deserve more and that someone else should give them to them, there is a feeling of resentment towards parents, husband, wife, children, the boss, the government.
But each person is the master of his life, and he himself is responsible for those events that occur in his life, as well as for the wrongs that he created himself, came up with.
How to stop taking offense
"As warm clothing protects against cold, so the exposure protects from insult. Multiply patience and peace of mind, and resentment, no matter how bitter it may be, will not touch you. ".Leonardo da Vinci
Resentment corrodes us from within, exhausts, depresses, and this pernicious feeling must be eliminated. If you have a desire to permanently get rid of feelings of resentment, you must learn one of the rules - in this world, no one owes you anything.
You waited for your favorite to come to you with a large bouquet of roses, and instead of roses he brought a large box of chocolates. Your expectations have not come true, and you are offended, your mood has deteriorated, you do not want to talk to him. But if you understand and remember that no one owes you nothing, then it will be much easier for you to accept this situation, and in time you will learn not to be offended by trifles. After all, you could tell your friend in advance that you want him to give you roses, and then your expectations would be fully justified, and there would be no reason for insult.
Rule two - each person has his own opinion, which may differ from yours.
You believed that from the whole department you are the most advanced in the work, you grasp everything on the fly, and only you should be appointed head of the department, because you work the longest and competent in all matters. But the post of the head of the department went to your friend, who in your opinion is neither the one who leads, but also can not really talk. And you harbored resentment against all your colleagues, the director, your friend.
You think he took your place, betrayed you. And the insult of you overwhelmed and does not give you rest, and thoughts swirling about in your head about revenge. In your opinion, your friend is not worthy of this post, and, in the opinion of the director, it is your friend who is able to lead the department. This is another of the rules that must be learned and understood that you should not be offended if your opinion does not coincide with the opinion of the people around you.
You also need to understand and understand that each person decides with whom and where to spend his free time.
Your best friend, with whom you were - do not pour water from the kindergarten, left for the weekend out of town with her classmates. You just boil with indignation: "How could she betray our friendship? She offended me, I will never forgive her. "
But your girlfriend is not your property, and she has every right to decide with whom she should be friends and with whom to spend her time, so it's pointless to be offended in such situations.
How to stop taking offense when you are deliberately humiliated, called obnoxious words, tease, laugh at you. If you react violently to these attacks, then you will be mocked systematically to bring you to tears, to prove to everyone that you are a weak person. How to cope with the grievance in this situation?
Remember - a normal person will never tease and humiliate other people. So you have a sick person, with a bad temper, and simply - a psycho. And, as everyone knows, there is such a rule - on a fool should not be offended by .Learn not to notice the bad words released to your address, pass them by your ears.
Should I take offense at criticism in my address, the truth that people say about you? After the parent meeting, my mother scolded you for the bad grades, she told you that you absolutely do not help around the house, that in your room, like in a pigsty, that you can just sit and play at the computer. You are very offended, angry with your mother and ran away from home. If in your life there are such situations, think, whether the criticism in your address corresponds to the reality or it is contrived by your offender, and whether it is worth reacting to it by offense. If you are really lazy, abandoned studies and you were scolded for bad behavior, then does not make sense to take offense at the truth of , because you are to blame for everything.
Try to understand yourself why you are so easy to offend, maybe the habit of taking offense comes from childhood, and then it's time to grow up, and maybe resentment is one of your bad habits, which you urgently need to get rid of, so as not to poison yourself andpeople around you. After all, resentment leads to misunderstanding, strife, loneliness. Understand that offending yourself and bearing in yourself the pain of resentment, you, above all, harm yourself, your health.
Why you need to forgive the insult of
"The people of the small mind are sensitive to small offenses;people of great intelligence all notice and do not take offense at anything. " François de La Rochefoucaud
If the bitterness of grievance corrodes your soul, it gives pain in the heart and all thoughts are fixed on the offense, then it's time to get rid of this insult. The best remedy for pain is forgiveness. Forgiving an insult - it becomes easy on the soul, and you are freed from the severity of the experiences that were borne in yourself. Forgiving your abuser, you again resume the relationship with the person who was sulking, and without which you felt bad. Of course, there are also situations when the insult hit you very badly when it ruined your life, you lost something meaningful and you never want to see the offender, but you still need to forgive. Forgive him mentally in your soul, and you will find peace. Understand that there is nothing to return back, but to continue to suffer and regret the past is meaningless. We must live by the present. To forget the insult you need to forbid yourself to remember about it, and throw it out once and for all from your head. It's a bad past, and everything bad has to be got rid of. And if you yourself often offend people, and then suffer from guilt - just ask for forgiveness, even if you consider yourself right. Just need to say two simple words - "forgive me," and in your heart will be peace and quiet.
Love yourself and the people around you, do not offend anyone and do not be offended by yourself. Work on yourself, learn to understand yourself, in situations that led to feelings of resentment. Try to find the cause and realize the uselessness of the offense. Forgive your abuser and ask him for forgiveness, because he, too, can think that you have offended him, wish him health, happiness and love. And the world around you will become kinder and brighter.