boys begin to romantically adore mothers, girls - fathers.
Before this age, the boy loved his mother as a child, because it completely depended on her. But now his attitude is becoming more romantic, like his father. In four years he often says that he marries his mother when he grows up. He still does not quite understand what the marriage is, but he is absolutely sure that his mother is the most important and attractive woman in the world. The girl feels the same feelings towards her father.
This strong romantic attachment helps children grow spiritually and get a normal attitude to the opposite sex, which subsequently leads to a successful marriage. But in these relations there is a feature that in all children of this age causes a certain tension, and in a few children - very strong. When a man, big or small, loves a woman, he can not but want it to belong to him alone. A boy of 3-4 years old or 5 years old, aware of the love for his mother, at the same time realizes that it belongs to the father. It irritates him deep down, however much he loves his father and admires him. Sometimes he begins to wish that his father is lost, and then feels guilty because of such thoughts. Reasoning as a child, he thinks that the father experiences the same jealous feeling towards him. Since the father is still much larger and stronger than him, he tries to drive these frightening thoughts out of his head, but they manifest in his dreams. We believe that these mixed feelings - love, jealousy and fear - are the main cause of nightmares that are so common among boys of this age: in a dream they are pursued by giants, robbers, gorillas and other monsters.
A developing normal girl experiences proprietary feelings for her father. Sometimes she wants something to happen to her mother( whom she loves otherwise), so that her father will belong to her. She can even say to her mother: "You can leave for a long time, I'll take care of my dad."But she also imagines that her mother is jealous of her, and subconsciously it worries her.
These childish fears - that their parents are angry with them - are mixed with thoughts about why boys and men are not organized in the same way as girls and women.
We believe that all children pass through this stage, so parents need not worry. If, of course, the child does not begin to be very afraid of the parent of the same sex or treat him with extreme hostility or is too close to the parent of the opposite sex. In such cases;you need to turn to the help of a child psychiatrist.
This feeling passes. Romantic attachment to the parent of the opposite sex at the age of three to six can be called a natural way of preparing for the future life of the husband and father or wife and mother. But nature does not want this attachment to be so strong and lasted a lifetime or even a whole childhood. Nature expects that by the age of five or six, the child will understand that he can not completely own the parent, will stop trying to achieve this and will pay increasing attention to other activities, such as school, and to children and adults outside the family. Children's affection will play its role( like crawling in infancy), and the child will outgrow it.
Therefore, the father, aware that a young son at times feels a feeling of fear and even hatred towards him, will not help the boy, trying to be too soft and accommodating with him or pretending that he, the father, does not really really love his wife. In fact, if the boy is convinced that the father is afraid of being a strong man, a firm father and husband with a normal sense of ownership, the child will think that the mother belongs to him, and will be frightened. And he will be deprived of the example of a courageous father who is so needed for him to learn masculinity and courage. Similarly, the mother, even if she understands that the daughter is sometimes jealous of her, should be confident, do not let her poke herself, know when to show firmness, and not be afraid to show her love and devotion to her husband.
You understand how difficult the life of a boy becomes if his mother allows him more and shows more love than his father, or if she seems closer to her son than to her husband. This attitude leads to alienation of the boy from his father, whom he also begins to fear. Accordingly, the father, completely subordinate to the whims of the daughter and undermining the discipline established by the mother, or the father behaving as if the daughter's society is more interesting to him than contacting his wife, does not help not only his wife, but also her daughter. This prevents the establishment of a good relationship of the daughter with the mother, which are necessary for her daughter to grow up a happy woman.
By the way, the father's great indulgence towards his daughter and mother to his son is quite natural, because there is less competition between a man and a woman than between two men or two women. -
I do not want parents to think too much about such relationships.they began to restrain themselves or to worry. In a normal family, a normal balance is established between the feelings of fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, which allows them to go through all stages of development without much effort or deliberate thinking. I cite these considerations only in relation to families where relationships have ceased to be normal, where, for example, fathers constantly argue with mothers about the upbringing of children or where the boy shows timidity towards all other boys or men, and the girl is too attached to her mother.
Parents will help children survive this romantic but jealous period, if they make it clear that they belong together, that the boy will never fully possess the mother, and the girl will be the father, but the parents are not angry with the children and understand that theysometimes they can be angry with them.
When a boy says that he marries his mother, she can show that she is flattered by his decision, and explain that she is already married and that when he grows up, he will find a girl of his age and marry her.
When parents talk to each other, you should not allow the child to interfere and interfere with them. They can kindly but firmly tell him that they should talk, and suggest that they do something else. Tactfulness will help them avoid prolonged manifestations of love and affection for each other in his presence( as if other people were present), but they should not be guilty of bouncing off from each other if the child suddenly entered the room.
When a boy begins to be rude to his father out of jealousy or mother, because she is the cause of his jealousy, parents should demand from him of courtesy. But at the same time the parent can alleviate the anger and consciousness of the son's guilt, saying that he understands that the boy is angry with him.