Various causes of masturbation
Ordinary children's curiosity. In the first half of the year the baby discovers the existence of genital organs in the same way as the fingers and toes, and also treats them. A twenty-month-old child, sitting on a pot, looks at himself for a few seconds with curiosity. This will not lead to bad habits. You can distract the child with a toy, if you want, but it is not necessary. It is better not to give him reason to think that he is bad or that his genitals are bad. You want him to have a normal healthy attitude to his own body. If some part of the body scares him, he begins to look more at it, and as a result, bad habits can subsequently arise. Moreover, if you tell a one-year-old child "can not", or slap him on the arm, or pull his hand away, he will probably become even more stubborn.
In three years, everything is connected with the feelings of the child. Children at the age of three to six years behave in an adult way in many respects. They intensively and romantically love loved ones, especially their parents.
We now understand that during this period, there are peculiar sexual feelings for children as part of normal development( in earlier times it was thought that until the adolescence, nothing like this can not happen, probably because the parents themselves then grew up, preoccupied with sex, and wanted bothyou can save your children longer from such anxieties).Children between the ages of three to five experience physical attraction to their loved ones. They cling to the adults they love, and do not let go of them. They are interested in each other's bodies, sometimes they want to touch each other. This is one of the reasons for the general children's play in the doctor.
If you understand that this early sexual interest is a normal part of the slow growing process and that it to a certain extent is common to all healthy children, you have come to a reasonable point of view. If the child is not too interested in this, if he is sociable, does not worry, if he has many other interests and comrades in the games, there is no cause for concern. If this is not the case, the child needs help.
If you find your child for some kind of sexual game with other children, you will probably be surprised and shocked. But, expressing outrage, do not show your anger and surprise, try to behave unperturbed. You want the child to know that you do not approve of this behavior, but do not want him to feel that he is a criminal. You can, for example, say: "Mom does not want you to do it again" or "It's impolite" - and take the children with something else. Usually in a normal child this permanently takes away interest in sexual games. Mothers reasonably watch out for a group of children who at this age are occasionally interested in sex, and try to have a lot of interesting activities. Often children are influenced by older children, with increased interest in such problems. Naturally, parents should not suspiciously peek to catch a child at the crime scene and blame him.
In three years much is explained by anxiety. Parents should be aware that the fear that something has happened or can happen to the genitals is the most common cause of masturbation in childhood.
If you say to such a child that he is doing harm to himself, this will only worsen the situation. If you say that he is bad and you do not like him, it will strengthen his fear. It is reasonable to try to dispel his fear as soon as possible. If the boy's mother, who said about her sister "She was Bobo," knew that this was a misunderstanding and that such an alarm was very common, she would try to disabuse him when he said so for the first time. The same applies to the mother of a girl who tried to undress other children.
After six years, children try to control themselves. It seems that between six years of age and reaching puberty, the child himself, by nature, tries to restrain the desire for masturbation and not engage in sexual games with other children. Children begin to realize that masturbation is considered something bad, regardless of whether they were told by their parents or not, and during this period they develop conscience. But not all children stop it. Sometimes a child is drawn into it, because other children do so. At this age, he especially tries to be "like the others."
Masturbation at any age can be a sign of tension and anxiety. There are children of any age who constantly touch their genitals, sometimes in the presence of others. They do not seem to realize what they are doing. Usually these are tense and anxious children. They are nervous not because they are engaged in masturbation;on the contrary, they are engaged in masturbation because they are nervous. You need to find the cause of their tension, instead of falling directly on masturbation. The eight-year-old boy is terribly afraid that his sick mother will die. He can not think about lessons, but touches his genitals and looks out the window with an absent look. Another child feels unhappy, because he does not find contact with other children, he does not have close ties with the world around him. Cut off from him, he must live within himself. Such children and their parents need the help of a child psychiatrist.
Many children keep their genitals when you need to urinate, especially those who are long and constantly restrained, and this is not masturbation.
Why the threats are harmful. Many of us have heard in the childhood of the threat that masturbation leads to insanity. It is not true. There is this belief from the fact that many mentally ill, teenagers and young people are continuously engaged in onanism. But they did not become insane because they masturbated. Constant masturbation is one of the signs of a nervous breakdown. This is proof of how often masturbation is associated with malfunctions in the life of the child or with his mental suffering. The problem is to find its causes.
And what's wrong with telling a child that masturbation will cause him a disease that his genitals will suffer or that he will therefore become a bad person? First of all, all this is not true. Secondly, and more importantly, it is risky and wrong to throw the seeds of fear into the child's mind. On a self-confident, persistent child, such threats do not work. But a sensitive child will take them to heart. And he can develop such a fear of everything sexual that he will grow up unhappy, all fearful and will not be able to marry normally and have children.
Although masturbation does not in itself lead to nervousness, a strong anxiety due to masturbation can definitely cause nervousness. I remember a boy whose parents were very afraid of masturbation. They hired a special person who had to accompany the boy twenty-four hours a day and see that he did not engage in masturbation. This constantly reminded the boy of masturbation and at the same time inspired a terrible fear in him. . This, of course, is an extreme case, but it demonstrates how unreasonable it is to try to solve this problem directly from the Party of parents. It is important that parents not only avoid serious threats, but do not focus on the child's attention at all.
All these reasons in order to avoid strict methods of suppression do not mean that parents should ignore masturbation or other sexual games. We are all so brought up that they disturb us, and we can not unlearn this. We can not be happy with our children if they do what we do not like. Even if we miraculously managed to cope with our disapproving attitude( I do not think that is desirable), we still have to reckon with the fact that children have to live in a society with their customs and mores. Moreover, there is much evidence that all children experience a sense of guilt from masturbation, regardless of whether they are told something about it by the parents. Therefore, I consider it quite natural if a mother, after discovering that her child is engaged in sexual play, tells him that he does not do this any more, and will say in such a tone that will help him to stop. If the child needs comfort, the mother can explain to him that all children sometimes want to do so, but if they try, they may not.
Why masturbation is more common in adolescence. It's easy to understand the reasons for the more frequent cases of masturbation in adolescence. There are physiological changes, the glands begin to act, and the boy gradually turns into a man, and a girl into a woman. Strengthening of the glands affects not only the body, but also acts on thoughts and emotions. The child begins to feel more acutely sexual and romantic feelings - not because he wants it, but because that's what the glands order him to do. But he is not yet ready, especially in his early youth, to express his feelings openly. When he grows up, the same impulses will find their manifestations in rendezvous, romantic rivalry, dancing and courtship. And later they will lead to love and marriage.
Some conscientious teenagers are very worried about masturbation and feel guilty, even when it's just a thought. They need to inspire more confidence and confidence in themselves. If the child seems to be generally happy, if he is doing well in school, if he has many friends with whom he gets along, you can tell him that all young people have such desires, but they control them. This will not remove the guilty feeling, but it will help. If, on the other hand, he is immersed in himself or unable to enjoy friendship, it's time to find a person who understands teenagers well. A child psychiatrist is best suited. If there is no such possibility, talk with the school counselor or psychologist. Frequent masturbation or obsession with the child usually indicates a serious problem.