How to cope with child hysteria
Jul 01, 2018
Hysterics represent a problem for both parents and the child. How should you cope with them? First, realize that you can not "cope" - you can only respect them. They are a reflection of your child's emotions, with which he must learn to cope. Do not you are responsible for the cause of the
of these explosions or for their elimination. Your role is to support your child. If you interfere too much, you will deprive him of his strength and will not allow you to release internal tension, while not supporting the child enough, you allow him to understand the difficult situation himself when he does not yet have the opportunity. This can be an exhausting and frightening situation for the child and for the parents. Here are a few ways to put out the fire.
Find out what caused the flash
Keep the diary hysterical. Find out what is triggering your child. Maybe it happens when he is hungry, tired? Are there any circumstances that he can not bear? What caused the unwanted behavior? For example, if your child can not tolerate supermarkets, go shopping in the evening, leaving the child with the spouse.
Watch for signs that precede hysterics. If you notice that a few minutes before the outbreak, your child usually has a bored look, shows no interest and affection for anyone and nothing, whines, is immersed in gloomy reflections or asks what can not be given to him, interveneimmediately, before the eruption of the volcano.
Show an example of tranquility. What the child sees, he repeats. If your child sees how you roll up the tantrums, be prepared to copy your behavior. Older children may suffer outbreaks of anger from parents or brothers and sisters because they are able to understand the reasons for this behavior, and in the end you end up with apologies and therapeutic laughter. Children from one to two can become confused, witnessing too frequent attacks of anger, and decide that this is the norm of behavior in their family.
Who has hysterics? "He knows how to drive me crazy," said one mom, who asked us for counseling to learn how to cope better with outbursts of her child's anger. If you are a quick-tempered person, it's easy for a child to blow up you, which ends with a shouting, in the middle of which neither side hears anything and wins nothing. The child no longer controls the situation, and he needs to be controlled at least.
First of all, find out yourself. If your child's cries or tantrums make you angry, it's important to understand what happened in your past, which is why it happens. Sometimes even one understanding of the fact that there is some connection is enough to help parents cope with the irritation of their
children in an adult way. Often problems are rooted very deeply, especially when a person, as a child, received poor treatment, and then psychological counseling is needed. For the emotional well-being of your child, it is important that you ask for help from specialists so that you understand yourself and your reaction to the out-of-balance behavior of your child.
Do not take it too much to heart. If your child's irritation quickly gets on your nerves, remember that you are not responsible for either that your child has had hysterics, nor for stopping it."Good behavior" of the child is not at all a reflection of how good his parents are. Hysterics are as frequent as bruises, while your child scrambles up the rickety staircase to independence.
A secluded place. Hysteria, which the child arranges in a crowded place, makes you feel uncomfortable, and, as a rule, in this case it is difficult to think primarily about the feelings of the child. Most likely your first thought will be: "What will people think of me as a mother?" If you feel trapped and completely helpless - for example, if you are standing in line at a supermarket - instead of bursting into abuse, calmly take the child
affect the impulsive behavior of the
Children learn by doing anything. Their developing brain seeks to explore and experience new forms of behavior to find out how their impact on others, and the benefits for the child himself. You need to panic if the child is not curious.
When a child has a mood to try new behavior or he is at this stage of development, try to direct it to something that is acceptable to you and will have learning value for the child. If you distract a short-tempered child, when he is ready to explode, this can prevent an attack of rage. Do not you find this unfamiliar deployment of events? The child plays in the house with a heavy ball and is about to hit something
.You shout: "You can not!" - and tear the ball out of tenacious children's hands. He bursts into a loud scream, waving his hands, kicking and stomping his feet, then falls to your feet and rolls on the floor.
Cross out this scene from memory. Instead, picking a dangerous ball with one hand, another offer a soft ball and break the tantrum with the words: "That's a good ball."Or, if the child starts to whine "no-no", stretching his hands to his ball, move his sports games to a more suitable platform: "Let's go out to street and play ball together."This is a double victory: you insisted on your demand, and the child managed to play ball.
( even if it kicks and shrieks squeals) into a secluded place, such as a toilet room or your car, where your child can freely organize their activities, and you can safely play your part without worrying about the approving reaction of the public.
Keep cool in hot spots. Children roll up tantrums at the most inopportune time, and their "bad" behavior makes you look bad in the eyes of your acquaintances. Hysteria usually happens when parents are in a hurry and carry out non-child related activities, such as preparing a gala dinner, or when children feel that their parents are not inclined to engage in them. Unwanted behavior often occurs when we make unrealistic demands on the child. To expect that a curious one and a half year old child will be a model of obedience in the supermarket, where a whole buffet around him with tempting delicacies - this may be too much. Go shopping when you both have a rest and have eaten, and let it be time to talk about your purchases, in which your child will help you from the height of his safe seat on the grocery cart to which he is fastened with a belt. Do not forget that he is a man. Plan unpleasant events, such as vaccinations in the hospital, at the time of the day when your child behaves best. Expecting that the child will behave approximately at the end of the day, when he is tired and hungry( like yourself) - that's for sure too.
Declare war on with mind. To survive the period of hysterics, we share the desires of the child in large and small. If the child wants to get out of the car seat, he wants too much. This is not worth stuttering, and all the hysterical representations of the world will not release the Protestant from his safe confinement. But if a child wants to wear a blue shirt instead of a red shirt - this is a small desire. Because of disharmony in the ensemble, it is not worth declaring war. Options for choice can save the prestige of both parents and children: "What kind of shirt do you want to wear, red or blue?"( He wants yellow.) After such a question, the difference between the first and second may seem to the child not so great. We personally do not have the time and energy to go to the conflict over trifles. If our child requires peanut butter to be spread over jelly and flatly refuses to eat a sandwich, smeared on the contrary, we are not afraid to let him have a little whimsy. Do not spoil this child.
When to retreat
If you feel that your child is constantly using hysterics, that everything is in his way, do not go from a solid "no" to a helpless "yes."(Unless, of course, you come to the conclusion that in the end it's a trifle.) Thus you encourage bad behavior. Between the age of two and two and a half, when your child becomes old enough to understand the reasons behind your "no", if you regularly change your mind, you will increase the value of his hysterics in his eyes.
Maybe it's worth ignoring the tantrum? In most cases, the "do not pay attention" advice is erroneous. Ignoring any deviation from the norm in the child's behavior deprives your child of a valuable source of support and deprives parents of the opportunity to correct their relationship with the organizer of hysterics. One thing is that you are near during hysteria, giving the child the necessary support. Hysterics make intuitive parents show all the best. If our child loses control of himself and needs help to regain it, often a few comforting words or a little help( "Now I'll untie the knot and you'll put on a shoe") is enough for the child to find himself on the
path to healing. If he has undertaken an impossible task, distract him or offer him a game in which success is easily achievable. Keep your arms open, and the attitude is benevolent. Sometimes a child with very strong will is losing control of himself. Usually it's enough to just press him hard, but gently to yourself and explain: "You're angry and lost control. I hold you, because I love you. "You can see that, beating a minute or two in your arms, trying to free yourself, it melts in your hands, as if due to the fact that you saved it from him.
Just like adults need to share their misfortune with someone, children rarely arrange hysteria with themselves alone. I'm sure that in reality most children want help and need it during hysteria. The fact that children roll more hysterics in the presence of the person they love and trust is not to be considered a manipulation;rather they feel close to him reliably enough and trust him enough to lose control in the presence of this, a loved one who always helps them. Often children of this age roll up a tantrum, because they do not yet have words for expressing needs, thoughts or feelings. The child can resort to hysterics to get to
you, if you keep away. In such cases it is usually possible to help if you give the child the right words, verbalizing for him what he thinks and feels is necessary.