Parents and grown-up children

This is a mistake that many parents allow, otherwise they behave perfectly. It's really very tempting. After all, who, apart from you( except perhaps your partner, who is your closest friend, is so fond of your children? !Of course, no one, so the desire to become their best friends with them can seem quite natural.

The only problem is that the children do not want this. Even if they do not realize this. A friend of mine proudly told me that she and her daughters were the best friends. And not just stated. She treated them like her best friends, and they answered her the same way. She thought it was wonderful, but I was sorry for her daughters.

You see, they already have best friends. And they are quite enough for them - they do not need additional ones. They may have brothers and sisters. And they need a mother and father. And if they are engaged in the role of their best friends, the place remains vacant, and there is nobody to occupy it.

What's the difference? With your best friend, you share everything from an equal position. You can tell him about all your experiences, fears, secret thoughts. And you get the same from him. And on the father or mother, children always look from the bottom up - not as a higher being, but as a more mature and responsible person. Parents are those who, if necessary, will be able to protect and take care of you, even if you hope that such a need will pass you by. On an everyday level, parents and children can enjoy the same things and enjoy spending time together, but parents should not share everything with children and should not try to ensure that children share with them.

For example, you are very concerned about what will happen next with your children. Do you share with them all that you think about it?

No, it is more likely that you will pour out the soul to the best friend. And if you raised children alone, but now you met a potential partner? Or do you have a lover? Can you tell the children all about it, how can you tell a better friend? And when your child is involved in some unpleasant business - drugs or a relationship with a married person - you are unlikely to give him the same advice as would be given in a similar situation to a friend. Will you admit to the children when they grow up, that you suffer from loneliness or are tormented by financial turmoil?

ADULTS, CHILDREN SHOULD BUILD THEIR LIFE SEPARATE FROM YOURS.THIS IS THEIR WORK.

In any such circumstances, you can be your best friends only if you lie to them or emotionally blackmail them. If you complain to them about your loneliness, they will try, like loving children, to spend more time with you and feel guilty. They do not need such a load, and you do not have to put it on them, even if they accept it willingly. And if you lie or play on their feelings, how can they come to you when they need a reliable shoulder to cry out, or wise advice, or someone you can definitely rely on? You run the risk of losing your parental authority.

I'm not saying that there can not be the closest relationship between parents and grown-up children. On the contrary, I hope that your relationship will be closer to nowhere, that you will have common interests and hobbies, and you will spend a lot of time together. I hope that you will love each other even more than your best friends. But this will be a different relationship.