Feelings of guilt in adult children

And here, finally, and the second powerful lever that some parents use to control their adult children: a sense of guilt. And here some pass over all conceivable limits, while others act more circumspectly;However, our children are very sensitive beings, and any attempt to play on this will not remain unnoticed by them.

The most common reason for resorting to such dishonest instruments of influence is complaints about a lack of attention. When parents start to release remarks like: "And your sister calls every week!" Or "I understand that you are very busy at the weekend. I would like to say the same about myself! "- they try to awaken shame and remorse for the children because they do not spend enough time with their parents. Enough even such a simple phrase, "Oh, when you leave us, it will become so lonely in the house!"

Let's get straightened out. Your children do not owe you anything. Nothing. I do not care how much blood, sweat and tears you spent in the first 18 years and life. They did not ask you to give birth to them, you yourself made this decision and thus took responsibility for all the consequences of this. You owe them a lot of everything, and they to you - nothing. So there can be no excuse for trying to impress children that they owe you something - time, attention, money or something else.

Of course, if you are the right parents, then your children themselves will want to do everything for you that is possible. And the fact that in fact they are not at all obliged to do this, only adds value to their actions. Good children will take care of you in old age because you deserve it, and they love you. There are children who care for their parents out of a sense of shame, but they do not get pleasure from it and secretly hate parents for it. You do not need this option, do you? You certainly would like children to give you their time and attention voluntarily, sincerely believing that you are worth it. But if you play on a feeling of guilt and shame, you will never achieve it.

Surely one of your friends ever said in your presence something like: "I'll have to go to my father at the weekend. I have not had a month. "Or, "I'm busy tonight - my mother calls me on Wednesdays, and I have to hang on the phone for at least two hours."Maybe you yourself said something like that. But you hardly want your children to speak like that about you. You will be much more pleasant if you can hear from them: "I'm sorry, I can not go with you - I really want to see my parents on Sunday," or "I have not talked to my mother for a couple of weeks, and I'm really looking forward to when we canfrom the heart of a chat. "Therefore, refuse to use the lever of guilt, for, no matter how much the child did under its influence, without it, he would do twice as much, and you yourself would see how much pleasure he gets from it.

You know that, the most valuable gift that you can make to your children is independence. Not them;yours! If you are emotionally, socially and financially independent, your children are free from all guilt in front of you. And then you can be sure that everything they do for you, they do only out of love for you.