It's only in physics that counteraction is equal to action.and in the "lyrics" the opposition is stronger than the action

So, according to the law of the conflict, a retaliatory strike is always stronger. And the first, as the children say, she began. In Literaturnaya Gazeta I published in the form of an article of thought, which was the basis of this chapter, and my editor Laura Velikanova came up with a catchy title "The leader begins and. .. loses", and the artist over a photo-portrait depicting a gloomy wife of thirty-five and husband toback to us, drew a defeated chess "queen".And the subtitle: "Notes, whose sole purpose is to convince novice wives and husbands( wives in particular) that the grievances inflicted in the first decade of family life are not only not forgotten, but are disastrous for marriage."Not gratitude was her power.

It says insults and conscience is silent. Applying the levers of power, means of coercion, he is justified before himself, before her and to friends past her behavior.

Some of the wives react very conflicted to changes in the behavior of the husband. And some, while underestimating the situation( they do not even know what loneliness is), continue to behave as before in the first decade: they are authoritarian, accusatory, mocking, peremptory, giving out negative assessments to their husband on various occasions. Let's recall the movie "Forgive" by the script of Viktor Merezhko.

Taking advantage of the situation, some husbands initiate a divorce, with increasing age, more and more. And the more active, the more they earn, as sociologist LV Chuiko has learned. It happens that the wife gives the divorce, but that's when the husband is actually outside the family.

We described the beginning and the end of the process of the transition of the levers of power from the wife to the husband. There is also a middle. Everything happens, as we have already noticed, in the most general form, gradually. There is no limit, say, between the first and second decade. Gradually, the husband is gaining professional heights and status. Gradually grow his income. Gradually, he becomes a sedate "exchange".Just gradually, it loses its freshness. Gradually, the rate of her professional growth is reduced and her connections are "rasterized".More and more it grows only in everyday life. Gradually, children grow up. The internal emigration of her husband is increasingly turning into the external. So it turns out that "the process has started."

After 24 years, suitors have been snapped up, and divorced men do not all want to become husbands again, and if they marry, then, as we already know

, preferably on younger ones. And despite the fact that it is still attractive, at the trial gap it is found that it is very difficult to find a replacement. True, the loss of this lever of power is offset by the fact that the child grows up and becomes more and more interesting( the famous age from 2 to 5).And when her parents retired and ceased to be her financial support, she acutely felt the importance of her husband's earnings. There may be a candidate for the role of a new wife( which usually speeds up the divorce).So, with stops and jerks, but on the average "slowly and sadly" everything happens.

And the disintegration of the family on this dramatic path is also happening to someone who used to have someone later. .. or not at all. Or it happens in an incomplete volume.

The ex-wife, most likely, will not marry again, bearing the bitterness of resentment for loneliness in relations with children, in-law, daughter-in-law and grandchildren. Maybe, and forget about grandchildren. I knew one grandmother who took her granddaughter to the exhausting training in figure skating: by seven in the morning through Moscow, and then again by 5 o'clock, having a snack and resting in the McDonald's. But if she is a grandmother on the part of her son, then grandchildren can take away, as she probably did in her youth. This further exacerbates her position towards old age.

Well, he? Will live a bachelor to old age or enter into a new problem marriage, full of new difficulties, which can lead to a new divorce.

Divorce may not occur at all. But this is on the condition that the wife finally fears her husband, resigns, having built herself a superficial psycho-protection( this is the female share, so in all families. ..), and he, using her obedience, ruling unjustly and avenging the past, lives "inyour pleasure ", because it is so convenient. It is possible, of course, but quite rare option and "from beginning to end" subject man.