Child with mental or physical disabilities
Handle it naturally. A child with a deficiency may need treatment. But even more, he needs a natural attitude, regardless of what his lack: slow mental development, strabismus, epilepsy, small growth, ugly birthmark or deformation of any part of the body. To say this is easier than done. Defect of the child upsets the parents. Here are a few examples of various reactions to it.
The mental state of a child depends not on its lack, but on the attitude towards it. At the boy from a birth on the left hand only two fingers. In two and a half years he is quite happy and can with his left hand do almost everything the same as right. A six-year-old sister loves him and is proud of him, she wants everywhere to take it with her and never notices his ugly hand. Mother, however, painfully reacts. She frowns when she notices how unfamiliar children look at the hand of her boy. She thinks it's better to keep the child at home, where no one will stare at him and let go of various comments, do not take it with him when the boy asks to go to the store with her. What is better for him, sisters or mothers? But first you need to answer another question. Is the child ashamed of its lack? Generally speaking, no.
Of course, we are all a bit shy about what we consider to be our weakness. Those who have defects think about them. But anyone who is familiar with many cripples will agree that among the people with the most severe defects there are many as sociable, cheerful and calm as among people with healthy limbs. On the other hand, you can remember a friend who, for example, feels completely unhappy because of his lop-earedness, which no one pays any attention to.
In other words, the seriousness of a defect is not always proportional to the feelings a person experiences, how shy he is, ashamed, how much he feels unhappy.
For a child ( with or without a defect) grew up to be sociable and happy - parents should be happy and proud of the child, less worried, fuss, insist, scold, from an early age the child should be able to communicate with other children. If from the very beginning parents feel unhappy, if they are ashamed of the appearance of their child, they dream that he becomes different, he is unnecessarily guarded, does not allow him to communicate with others, he grows up withdrawn, dissatisfied and will consider himself a freak and a loser. But if they consider his birthmark or deformed ear as something insignificant, they will behave with him as with a normal child, allow him to walk everywhere, like other children, will not worry because of other people's views and comments in a whisper, then the childwill consider himself the most ordinary and will not hesitate about his differences.
And as for curious looks, pointing fingers and whispers, the child will still have to get used to them, and the earlier, the better. If he hides all week long and only on Sundays feels surprised or curious looks, this is much worse, because he will not get used to such views.
If he is not pitied, he will be happier. In a six-year-old boy, the birthmark takes half the face. Mother takes it hard and very much regrets her son. She is strict with the two older daughters, but the son frees him from homework, forgives him rudeness and evil antics towards his sisters. Sisters and other children do not like him.
One can understand why the parents of such a child feel pity for him and require too little from him. Pity is like a drug. Even if at first it seems tasteless, a person gets used to it and becomes addicted. Naturally, a child with a deficiency needs to be understood, and often in a special treatment. If he lags behind in mental development, he can not be assigned work that he can not cope with, and a child with poor coordination of hand movements should not be scolded for bad handwriting. But a child with any defect should be reasonably polite, live on a common ground with others and fulfill his share in the overall work. Such a child wants to live like everyone else, and obey the general rules.
Justice to the family. A four-year-old child showed a significant lag in mental and physical development. His parents took him from the doctor to the doctor and from the hospital to the hospital. And each time heard the same answer. This defect can not be cured, but there are many opportunities to raise a child as a useful and happy member of society. Parents of this, of course, a little, and they go to the far end of the world and pay a lot of money to healers and charlatans who promise them a miraculous cure. As a result, other children in the family receive much less attention than they deserve. But parents, spending money and making great efforts, feel almost happy.
It is reasonable and fair on the part of parents to strive to do everything possible to help a child with a defect. But there is another hidden factor. So it is arranged in nature that parents in such cases believe in the depth of the soul that it is they who are to blame, although all doctors and all books say that this is a completely random situation. All of us since birth bear in ourselves a sense of guilt for what they did and for what they should have done. And if we have a child with a defect, this innate sense of guilt concentrates on a lack.
An unreasonable sense of guilt often incites parents, especially if they are conscientious people, doing anything, let the most unreasonable. This is a kind of repentance, although parents themselves do not think so.
If parents are aware of this trend and are wary of it, they will be able to provide the best treatment for the child and, by the way, will save their other children( and themselves) from unnecessary deprivation.
Love it as it is. A child at the age of ten is noticeably below peers, below even his eight-year-old sister. Parents consider this a real tragedy and lead him to all new doctors. All doctors agree that this is not a disease. The child seems to be from a small birth. Parents express their concern in a different way. They force the child to eat more, so that he grows faster. And when someone compares the growth of a child with the growth of a sister or other children, parents immediately remind him how smart he is.
There is always a rivalry among boys, and therefore a boy of small stature is naturally disappointed. If one emphasizes some of his positive qualities relative to his sister and other children, this does not help him to regret his growth less and only emphasizes the idea of rivalry and competition. Sometimes parents themselves feel that it is necessary to assure a child of small stature, or not very beautiful, or short-sighted, that its lack, in fact, is not very important. Convincing assurances in this case are of great help. But if the parents are always worried, they always raise this topic, the child is convinced that not everything is all right with him.
Brothers and sisters adopt the attitude of parents. A child of seven, born with cerebral palsy. His intellect is completely unaffected, but his speech is difficult to understand, his face and limbs are twitching, and he can not control these movements.
The mother has a reasonable attitude towards his lack. She treats him exactly the same way as with her younger brother, only several times a week he goes to a special clinic where he is given a massage, he performs various exercises and learns to control his limbs and speech. The younger brother and all the neighbor's kids love him for his good character and willingness to participate in any game. He participates in all games, and although he can not compare with other children, they understand this and make him a discount. The boy goes to a regular school next door. Naturally, in some respects he experiences limitations, but since the program is flexible and children themselves participate in the planning and implementation of their projects, his valuable ideas and diligence make him popular with classmates. A father who by nature is more anxious thinks that ultimately the boy will be happier if he is sent to a boarding school, where he will be among the children with the same shortcomings. He also fears that when his son's classmates grow up, they will be embarrassed by his unusual appearance.
If parents accept their child as they are, and stop noticing his lack, brothers and sisters also tend to do so. They are not upset by the remarks of other children. But if parents are confused and try to hide it, the lack of a child will constantly attract the unnecessary attention of brothers and sisters.
Change in the feelings of parents. Many parents who learn that their child suffers from a serious defect experience the same thing. First a painful surprise and a natural indignation: "Why did this happen to our family?" Then a guilty feeling usually comes: "What did I do wrong or what did not I have to do?" Doctors constantly explain: "You could not prevent it."But parents take a long time to accept this statement.
Further difficulties are due to the fact that relatives and friends all the time talk about specialists and new drugs, about which they heard. They advise parents to take advantage of all this. And when their advice is not followed, they show their indignation in every possible way. Of course, they have good intentions, but they only increase the anxiety of their parents.
The next stage is this: parents are so busy with their child's lack and possible means of treatment that they forget about the child as a person. He does not know how to rejoice in his other good qualities, which did not suffer at all. But gradually these qualities again attract their attention, and parents begin to think of their child as a good person with some characteristics. And now they are irritated by friends and relatives who can only talk about this shortcoming of the child.
When parents go through these painful stages, let them be helped by the consciousness that hundreds of thousands of other good parents have gone through the same thing.
Most parents also need help. Caring for a child with a defect usually causes a strong additional stress. To help a child live a normal life, great wisdom is needed, and it is difficult to show when you are upset and you have absolutely no experience. All this means that the parents of a child with a disability need help, and they can count on it. I'm not just talking about medical advice. It is important that parents have an opportunity to discuss the structure of the child's life in the home, the problems that arise with other family members, the advantages and disadvantages of the local school in comparison with the more distant special schools, talk about the irritation and indignation of the parents themselves. In order to understand all this, we usually need long conversations over several years with advisers who have experience in such matters and who are able to calm parents.
Usually in the staff of institutions for the blind, deaf, crippled and mentally retarded, in special schools and clinics there are social workers with whom one can consult. In the rural area there is a social worker. In the cities - social workers in family agencies and childcare agencies. If you live in a rural area or a small village to find the right person, write to the welfare department of your state. If you live in the city, call the charitable foundation. There you will be told the right agency. In recent years, parents of children with disabilities have organized and established national associations. These associations have several goals, and all are worthy. Parents share their special problems and ways to solve them. Talk with professionals in this field. They use their influence to provide a better education for their children. They create funds for the organization of research and treatment.
Where to live, which school to study, where to get special education. Suppose a child has a shortcoming that does not prevent him from attending a regular local school and studying in a regular classroom. For example, not very serious damage to the hands and feet, healed heart disease, which does not limit the serious activity of the child, such features of appearance as birthmarks. It is better for such a child to study at a regular local school. All his life he will spend among ordinary people, and it is better that he himself, in almost every respect, should consider himself an ordinary person.
When possible, regular school. It used to be that children with disabilities who interfere with learning, such as weakened eyesight or hearing, should be sent from the very beginning to special day schools in their district, and if they do not, then to boarding schools. In recent years, it has become clear that, although the education of children with disabilities is extremely important, it is even more important to help them adapt to normal life and be happy. This means that it is better for a child to grow up among normal children. Growing up, he will think of himself as normal in most relationships. In addition, staying in the family will give him an additional consciousness of security. The child, no doubt, is better to live at home, if possible. The smaller the child( especially at the age of six to eight years), the more he needs the care of loving and understanding people, the consciousness of his belonging. And all this he will get home sooner than in a better boarding school. Therefore, it became possible to give children with disabilities to ordinary schools whenever possible, so that they would spend part of the day or all day there. In one case, this means that a child with a defect spends part of the day in a special classroom, and another - in the usual with ordinary children. In some cases, the expert explains to the teacher of the ordinary class how to organize training so that a child with a defect can participate in it.
How this happens in a community or county depends on many circumstances: the number and skill of specially trained teachers, the size of classes and classrooms, the severity of the defect, the age and previous training of the child.
Child with partial hearing loss. A poorly hearing child needs to learn the ability to read on the lips and, perhaps, in a special speech correction. A child with a significant hearing loss needs a hearing aid, it needs to be taught to read on the lips, he needs speech correction and lessons with a speech therapist. If all this is available, usually such a child can study at a local school.
A completely or almost completely deaf child, the , however, will not get much in the regular class until it learns to communicate with other children. This requires a long and very special language and speech training with the help of a special hearing aid and enhanced learning to read on the lips.
Such training is usually carried out only in large cities. For a deaf child it is important to begin such special training between two and three years if he lives near the school. If not, he must enter the boarding school by the age of four, where there are special groups for the youngest.
Blind child can get a lot in the usual classroom( or in the usual kindergarten), although at the same time he needs special training. Strikingly and is admired as even a three-year or four-year-old blind child is able to get along with a group of ordinary children. An inexperienced teacher, like parents, aspires for the first time to over-patronize him, but gradually realizes that increased care is not needed and only hinders the child. Of course, reasonable precautions must be taken and reasonable allowances made. The rest of the children, after some questioning, easily accept a child with a defect. They usually make a discount on its lack and very sensibly help it.
Some children with cerebral and infantile paralysis need special muscular training and training, which are provided in only a few places. Special training, which is necessary for children with cerebral palsy, can not be carried out everywhere. If there, where the family lives, such help is impossible to get, it is necessary to think about the change of residence.
Continuous medical surveillance. Parents of a child with any defect should, of course, receive the help of specialists - either a private doctor or a good children's hospital. If they are not satisfied or if the proposed treatment seems dangerous to them, they are entitled to consult other doctors who might have a different opinion. Sometimes parents who have received good advice from the first doctor turn to another one or two - "just for certainty," but slight differences in treatment methods and terminology can confuse them, and in the end they will have more doubts than at the beginning.
If you find an experienced doctor who understands your child's problems, hold on to him and consult him constantly. The doctor, who knows the child and the family for a long time, is able to advise better than the one who has just been invited. Psychologically, a child with a defect is very difficult if it is transferred from one doctor to another. If you read about a new discovery related to your child's condition, ask your doctor about it, and do not rush to rush to the researcher. If the positive impact of this discovery is proven, your doctor knows about it or will be able to find out everything that will be useful for your child.
A mentally retarded child. You can very roughly separate all cases of mental retardation into three groups: organic, hormonal and "natural".Organic cases are brain damage resulting from, for example, insufficient oxygen supply during childbirth or as a result of encephalitis. Hormonal caused by poorly functioning thyroid;if these cases are diagnosed early and they have been treated correctly, mental retardation can be almost eliminated.
Most of the cases of mental retardation are "natural" in the sense that they are not caused by illness, no damage, and nothing that parents did or did not do. The child just below the usual level of intelligence, just like children are below or above the rest. The intelligence of such a child develops, but is slow. If such a child has the intelligence of a three-year-old in four years, then at the age of sixteen he will have the intellect of a twelve-year-old. In this case, his intelligence factor is 75( 3/4 = 12/16 = 75/100). Much can be done for such a child, but it can not be cured, as blue eyes or big legs can not be cured.
If the accepts it normally, the child can better use his abilities. Behavioral problems in children with retarded mental development do not arise because of their low level of intelligence, but because of improper treatment. If parents are ashamed of their child, he lacks their love to feel safe and happy. If they mistakenly consider themselves guilty of his condition, they can insist on the most unreasonable methods of treatment that disturb the child, but do not do him any good. If they hastily conclude that he is a "hopeless case" and will never be normal, he may not receive toys from them, have no friends for games, lose the appropriate training required by for all children for better disclosure of their abilities. But the greatest danger is those parents who turn a blind eye to the shortage of their child and try to prove to themselves and the whole world that he is just as smart as any other: they try to teach him what he is not ready to hurry to accustom to using a pot, give in a class in which he can not learn, prepare lessons with him at home. Constant pressure makes this child stubborn and irritable. Getting constantly in a situation in which he can not succeed, he loses confidence.
A sad but mentally retarded child whose parents are not very educated and happily lead a moderate lifestyle is often happier and better adapted to life than a similar child in an educated family or in a family with a high level of ambition and a desire for success. In families with high level of claims it is considered that one must have good marks at school, finish a college and learn a prestigious profession.
There are many necessary and worthy professions that are quite accessible to people with a low level of intelligence. The right of everyone to receive training for the activities for which he is capable of the level of his intellect.
A child with a slow development should be allowed to move at his own pace, to learn to eat properly, to use the toilet so that it corresponds to his mental development, not age. He needs opportunities to dig into the ground, climb trees, build and invent at those times when he is ready for such activities, he must have toys that he likes, should be able to play with other children with whom he can hold on toequal( even if these children are a year and more younger than him).Going to school, he must go to a class where he can find his place and achieve something. He needs to be loved and admired by his attractive qualities.
Anyone who has seen children with developmental lows knows how they can be natural, friendly and attractive, especially those who are naturally treated at home. And when they play or perform school assignments that are feasible for them, they show the same interest and energy as ordinary children. In other words, the "dull" appearance does not come from a low level of intelligence, but from the consciousness of its inappropriateness. Most of us would look stupid at a lecture on the general theory of relativity.
A child with a minor or moderate lag, is brought up usually in the family. First of all, here any child acquires a security consciousness. If possible, it is useful for such a child to attend a kindergarten, where the educator decides if he should be with children of his own age or with younger children.