May 23, 2018
When problems with appetite begin. Why do so many children eat badly? Most often because.mothers try too hard to make them eat better. Puppies do not have problems with appetite, nor do they have children in those parts of the world where mothers do not know anything about the diet and therefore do not bother. You can jokingly say that you need a lot of knowledge and a lot of time to have problems with your appetite.
One child seems to be born with a wolfish appetite that does not betray him, even when he is upset or sick. In another, the appetite is worse and can easily be affected by mood or disease. The first child is born to be complete;the second on the family is written to remain thin. But every child is born with such an appetite that should keep him healthy and ensure a normal rate of growth and development.
The trouble begins when the child has an innate instinct to restrain himself if he is forced, or to give up food, which is associated with some unpleasant feelings in the past. Another difficulty is that man's appetite is not always directed at the same thing. For a while a child eats a lot of spinach or porridge with pleasure. But a month later he ceases to like all this. Some like sweets and food containing starch;others eat one and the other a little. If you take this into account, you will understand how the problems with food begin at different ages and at different stages of development. The baby begins to be obstinate, if in the first months of life the mother makes him drink more milk formula than he wants, or when they inject solid food and do not allow him to get used to it gradually. Many become more capricious and discriminating in food after a year, because they want to insist on their own or because they have teeth cut. If they are forced, the appetite will worsen even more for a long time. The usual time to start problems with appetite is the end of the illness. If an anxious mother begins to intensively feed the child before the appetite returns to him, he will quickly develop and become disinclined to eat.
All problems of poor appetite start with coercion. The child may stop eating because of jealousy towards his younger brother or because of many other anxieties. But whatever the original reason, the mother's anxiety and perseverance worsen the appetite and prevents it from returning.
For a minute put yourself in the place of the child. To better understand it, remember the time when you were not very hungry. Maybe the day was hot and stuffy, or you were disturbed by something, or your stomach was upset.(This is how a child feels that has problems with appetite.) And now imagine that a nervous giant is sitting next to you and watching every spoon sent into your mouth. You ate a little of what you like, and put down the fork, feeling that they ate. However, she looks at you worriedly and says: "You have not touched turnips yet."You explain that you do not want turnips, but she does not seem to understand what you feel and acts as if you are deliberately behaving badly. When she says that you will not get up from the table until you clear the plates, you try to eat a little turnips, but you begin to get sick. She picks up a full spoon and pushes you in her mouth, and you begin to choke.
Treatment takes time and patience. When there are problems with appetite, it takes a lot of time, patience and understanding to resolve them. Mother begins to worry. She discovers that since she has become poorly eating, it is difficult for her to relax. And her concern and persistence first and foremost hinder the appetite to return to the child. Even if with great efforts the mother will force herself to change, it will take many weeks for the child to return his appetite. He needs to be given the opportunity to gradually forget all the unpleasant associations with lunch time.
His appetite is like a mouse, but his mother's anxiety is a cat that drives the mouse into the mink. You can not persuade the mouse to become bolder only because the cat is looking the other way. The cat must for a long time leave the mouse alone.
Dr. Clara Davis found that Children who do not have any prejudices about food, ultimately choose a balanced diet themselves if they are offered a variety of natural foods. But it can not be expected that a child who for months or years has refused a product, such as a vegetable, would suddenly start eating it only because the mother gave him free choice. He can eat vegetables in the camp, where they are eaten by everyone else, where he is hungry and where no one makes him eat. But at home with vegetables for him too many unpleasant associations. As soon as he sees them, the soul and stomach say to him: "No!"
The mother also has a right to feelings. And by the time she has to deal with a chronic problem of appetite, these are very strong feelings. The most obvious of them is anxiety: a child will become ill as a result of malnutrition, or from hunger his resistance to common illnesses will decrease. The doctor again and again assures her that children with poor appetite do not become susceptible to illnesses, but it is difficult for her to believe it.
She is inclined to consider herself guilty, thinks that her husband, relatives, neighbors, the doctor consider her a worthless mother. Of course, this is not so. Most likely, they understand it, because even in their families there was at least one child with a bad appetite.
Then the inevitable feeling of irritation and anger on this sucker, which is absolutely not subject to the efforts of the mother. This is the most unpleasant feeling, because a conscientious mother begins to feel ashamed of herself.
It is interesting that many parents who face similar problems remember that they themselves had a poor appetite and the same difficulties in their childhood. They remember too well how they were forced to eat, but for some reason unable to do otherwise. In this case, the feelings of irritation, anger and anxiety that parents experience are partly a relic of the feelings they experienced in childhood.
A child is rarely in danger. It is important to remember that the child has an innate mechanism that tells how much food. And what exactly he needs for normal growth and development. Very rarely, due to poor appetite, serious malnutrition, lack of vitamins or infectious diseases occur.
But a child who does not eat well needs a doctor's help: he should examine the child from time to time, assess his diet - what he gives and what is missing, recommend substitutions or medications to make up the missing, advise how to raise a childnot only in terms of nutrition, but also in other ways, and to reassure the mother.
The time of eating should be pleasant. The goal is not to make the child eat, but to return to him a natural appetite and that he himself wants to eat.
Try not to talk about food, either with threats or with cheers. I would not praise a child if he ate a lot, or be disappointed, if not enough. With experience, you will learn not to think about it, but this is progress. When a child ceases to feel pressure, he can again pay attention to his appetite.
Sometimes you hear advice: "Put food in front of the child, do not say anything to him, clean after half an hour, no matter how much he ate. Do not give him anything until the next meal. "If this is done in the right spirit, that is, the mother is really trying not to fuss, do not worry because of the child's appetite and remain friendly to him, then everything is in order. But sometimes an angry mother understands this advice in her own way. She throws the plate on the table in front of the child and says gloomily: "If you do not eat for half an hour, I'll clean everything up and you will not get anything until supper!" And stands waiting, looking angrily at him. Threats harden the child and take away the last remnants of appetite. The obstinate child always will win in such a fight.
You do not want your child to eat, because he lost in a fight with you. You want him to eat, because he wants to eat.
Start with the dishes that he likes most. You want, when he is called to the table, his mouth watered, so that he could not wait for food. The first step is to prepare useful dishes for two or three months, which he likes( at the same time, it is necessary to observe the balance of the diet as far as possible), and not to offer something that he does not like actively.
A child who loves very little. Mother can say: "With children who do not like one thing, there are no problems. And my only likes hamburgers, bananas, oranges and fruit water. Sometimes he agrees to eat a piece of white bread or a couple of spoons of peas. And he does not touch anything else. "
This is a more serious problem, but the principle is the same. You can give this child for breakfast sliced bananas and a piece of bread;for a lunch, a hamburger, two peas or an orange;for dinner, still bread with a banana. Let him receive an addition of any of these dishes, if he asks. Within a few days, give him different combinations of these dishes. Resolutely refrain from fruit water. Sweet fruit water takes away the last remnants of appetite for more valuable food.
When two months later the child is already waiting for food, add two spoons( not more) of any dish that he ate before - not one he did not like very much. Do not mention the additive. Do not make comments if he does not eat. Try the same thing in a couple of weeks, and in the interval try something else. The speed with which you will introduce new dishes depends on how much the child's appetite improves and how he perceives new food..
Do not distinguish between different dishes. Let him eat four portions of one dish and not one - the other, if he so wants( provided that the food is not harmful).If he does not want the first and second, and wants a dessert, with the most unflappable kind give him a dessert. If you say, "No second until you eat vegetables" or "There is no dessert until you clean the plate," you will further worsen his appetite for vegetables or for the first dish and enhance his desire for meat or dessert. These results are exactly the opposite of what you are trying to achieve.
You certainly do not want your child to always eat so one-sidedly. However, if he already has problems with appetite and he is suspicious of certain dishes, your best chance to get him back to a normal diet is to pretend that it does not bother you. I consider it a big mistake when parents insist that a child "just try" a dish that is considered suspicious. If he eats something that disgusts him, even a little, it reduces the likelihood that he will change his mind and fall in love with this dish. And even worse is his appetite. Never make him at dinner eat what he refused at dinner. So you are asking for trouble.
Give him less than he eats, not more. To a child with poor appetite, give small portions. If you put a full plate, then remind him of how much he has to refuse, and even worsen his appetite. But if in the first portion you give him less than he is ready to eat, you will push him to the thought: "This is not enough."You want him to think so. Do you want the food to be something attractive to him. If he has a very bad appetite, give tiny portions: a teaspoon of meat, a teaspoon of vegetables, a teaspoon of porridge. When he eats, do not ask enthusiastically: "Do you want supplements?" Let him ask himself, even if it takes several days to feed him with tiny portions.
Let him eat it himself. Should a mother feed a child with poor appetite? The child who was properly brought up, begins to eat himself between 12 and 18 months. But if an anxious mother feeds him for two, three or four years( probably with endless persuasion), nothing will help, even if she decides to stop. Now the child simply does not have the desire to eat himself. He believes that he must be fed. For him this is now proof of maternal love and care. If she suddenly stops, he will be offended. Maybe generally two or three days, nothing to eat - and this is longer than any mother can endure. And when she again begins to feed him, he already harbored her offense. And when she tries again to stop feeding him, he already knows his strength and her weakness.
A child of two years or older must eat himself as soon as he is ready for it. But this is a delicate matter, and it takes several weeks. You should not give him the impression that you are trying to deprive him of the privilege. You want him to start eating himself, because he wants it.
Give him his favorite lunch dishes at lunch and day after day. Putting a plate in front of him, go back to the kitchen or for a minute or two go into the next room, as if something is forgotten. Every day, stay a little longer. Come back and without any comments lively feed him, regardless of whether he ate something himself or did not eat. If he loses patience, when you are absent, and calls you, come back immediately with a friendly apology. Probably, his progress will be unstable. In one or two weeks he will be able to eat almost completely alone, and the next time he will need to be fed from beginning to end. Do not argue with him at this time. If he only eats one particular dish, do not force him to eat another. If he is satisfied with what he ate himself, praise him for being such a big boy, but not too hot, or he will suspect a dirty trick.
Suppose, in a week you left his minutes for ten to fifteen, and he did not eat anything during this time. Then you should make him hungry. Gradually, within three or four days, cut twice the amount of food that you usually gave him. This should make him try to eat himself, if you show enough tact and friendliness.
By the time he eats half his own food, I think it's better to let him get out of the table than to feed from a spoon. It does not matter that he just left some of the food. He is hungry and will soon eat more. If you continue to feed him, he will never want to cope on his own. Just say, "I think you've had enough."If he asks you to feed him, give him two or three spoons so as not to argue, and say that he is enough.
After he has been eating himself for several weeks, do not go back to old habits and do not feed him. Sometimes he will get very tired and ask: "Feed me."In this case, with an unflappable kind, give him a couple of spoons, and then say that he is not very hungry. I say this because I know that a mother who has fed the child too long, but has finally managed to teach him to eat on her own, is strongly tempted to start feeding him again, as soon as he loses his appetite or falls ill. But this must be done away with once and for all.
Should the mother remain in the room while he is eating? It depends on what the child is used to and what the child wants and how well the mother can control her anxiety. If she always sat with him, she can not suddenly disappear without upsetting the child. If she can be sociable, calm and not think about food, she can stay( regardless of whether she at that time herself eats).But if she notices that she can not tear herself away from the child's food in any way or stop trying to persuade her, it's best for her to leave for the time of food - not angrily, not suddenly, but tactfully and gradually, to be absent every day for a little longer so that the child does not notice the change.
No bribery. Of course, there should be no attempts to bribe a child like promises on a fairy tale for each spoon or that the pope will stand on his head when spinach is finished. At that moment, it seems that the child was persuaded to eat a little more. But in the long run, this gradually worsens the appetite. Parents have to increase the size of the bribe in order to achieve some results. It ends with an hourly tiring vaudeville for five sips.
Do not offer a child to eat to deserve a dessert, or a candy, or a gold star, or any other reward. Do not ask to eat for Aunt Masha, or for your mother to be happy, or to grow big and strong, or not to get sick, or to clean the plate. Let's formulate the rule shorter: do not ask the child to eat.
There is no particular harm if the mother at the dinner tells a fairy tale or switches on the radio, if such is the custom in the family, but all this should not be related to whether the child is eating or not.
It is not necessary to be "under the heel" of a child. I said so much that a child should eat, because he wants some parents to get the wrong idea. I remember a mother who was suffering from the poor appetite of a seven-year-old daughter, whom she was persuading;begged, forced. When she realized that, most likely, the girl has a normal appetite, that she wants to get a normal balanced diet and that the best way to achieve this is to stop fighting for each dinner, she rushed to the other extreme and went on about the daughter. At that time, my daughter was filled with displeasure. And as soon as she realized that her mother was now obedient to her, she immediately took advantage of this. She dumped the porridge from the plate on the table, watching the silent horror of her mother from the corner of her eye. Mother now before each meal asked her daughter what she wants. If the girl was talking "hamburger", the mother obediently bought it or cooked it. And the girl, of course, said: "I do not want a hamburger, I want a frankfurter," and my mother immediately ran back to the store.
There is the possibility of a compromise. It's reasonable to demand that the child come to the table on time, be polite to the others at the table, do not make unpleasant remarks about the dishes and do not state that he will not eat, eat carefully, observing the decorum appropriate to his age. Mother, naturally, can take into account his tastes, as much as possible, or as a pleasure to ask him what he would like. But for a child it's bad if you let him know that he is the only one with whom everyone should be reckoned. It is reasonable and right if the mother puts the boundaries in the use of sugar, sweets, cakes, fruit water and other not very useful food. And if the mother behaves confidently and demonstrates by its appearance that he knows what he is doing, all this is achieved without controversy.
If the child chokes. A child older than a year who refused to eat anything other than mashed food was usually fed by force or at least intensely forced to eat. It's not that he does not take bits. He is forced to do so by the fact that food is pushed into him. Mothers of such children usually say: "It's strange. If he likes something, he swallows the pieces perfectly. He can even bite off large pieces of meat from a bone and swallow it. "There are three steps in curing a crushing child. The first is to ensure that he ate absolutely independently. The second is to overcome his suspicion of food in general. And the third - slowly and gradually make the food more rough. Let the weeks - even months, if necessary - eat only the mashed food until it loses its fear of eating and learns to rejoice over it. Do not give him at this time, for example, meat, if he can only eat it chopped.
In other words, move at such a pace that the child was comfortable.
Some children have such a sensitive throat that they are choked even with mashed food. In some such cases, the cause is a viscous consistency of food. Try to dilute it lightly with milk or water. Or finely chop fruits and vegetables, instead of wiping them.