womensecr.com
  • Marriage and divorce

    Society has long come to realize that in the interests of continuing the human race between a man and a woman, before they enter into sexual relations, there must be certain obligations. These obligations were approved by the majority of the society through tribal council, religious rites or modern codes on marriage and family.

    Marriage can be defined as a social form of relations between a woman and a man through which society regulates and authorizes their sexual life, establishes rights and responsibilities between them and towards children.

    In 2000, there were 42 million families in Russia, 4% of them were large families.

    The main motives for marriage are feelings( attraction, love), reason, calculation( career, material considerations).By feeling married up to three-quarters of pairs, according to reason - the sixth part, according to the calculation, the tenth.

    It turns out to be quite unexpected results that only half of marriages were successful among those who married for love, and 2-2.5 times less among those who married on reason-unsuccessful marriages, even 1.5 times less than married ones in calculating the failureslovers. So love does not always guarantee family happiness.

    A happy marriage is a feeling shared by both partners that they have found or created a special unity in which the individual desires, needs, expectations are embodied and which they consider to be unique and irreplaceable.

    The tragedy of modern marriage is associated with a dramatically increased number of factors destabilizing it.

    Strengthening the role of psychological factors has increased the vulnerability and fragility of the relationship of modern men and women, in many cases causing a catastrophic increase in divorce and the crisis of the institution of the family as a whole.

    It is well known that the crisis-free development of the family is impossible, but not all problems lead to the destruction of relations. Seven-marriage disagreements can be divided into three groups:

    • Disagreements based on unfair distribution of labor in the family, different understanding of rights and responsibilities, insufficient contribution of one partner to domestic work and farming.

    • Conflicts, based on chronic dissatisfaction with any needs of one or both spouses, including sexual ones.

    • Quarrels and conflicts, which have their source of shortcomings and defects in the upbringing, nature and identity of the spouses.

    Survey of people who are married for 5-6 years found that 28% of them are fastening each other's habit, 34% are common views and interests, 22% are love for children, 16.6% are physical closeness. It turned out that half the people are kept together by the habit and the children, and only 40% is the proximity of interests and mutual attraction.

    Both men and women now have the right to terminate an unacceptable partnership - divorce. The right to divorce is the right of every person to correct mistakes in choosing a partner in life and the right to a new search for personal happiness. Some people divorce rescues from hostility, dislike, deception, but for many, the breakdown of the family is a serious mental trauma.

    Annually about 2% of married couples are divorced in Russia( 600-650 thousand pairs), however, the real number of unhappy and unsuccessful marriages exceeds this figure by at least 10 times. According to some studies, about one third of adults live in normal families, and two-thirds - 50-60 million - live either in unsuccessful, or in incomplete families or completely without a family. In the first 11 months of 1999, 825.5 thousand marriages were registered in the Russian Federation, and 4,767.7 thousand decayed( in Moscow by 61.6 thousand - 38.9% fell, in St. Petersburg - by 28.9 thousand - 20.7 thousand).

    The average age of decaying marriages is 5.5 years. Two-thirds of all divorces fall on families with experience up to 8-9 years and two-thirds of divorces are committed on the initiative of wives.

    Among the causes of divorce are:

    • Psychological alienation of the wife and husband( dissimilarity of characters, views, loss of feelings);

    • Drinking one of the spouses;

    • Treason. Divorce due to adultery begins to grow dramatically after 5 years of marriage, accounting for a maximum of 10-12 years after the wedding.

    • The frequent cause of divorce is the brutality and cruelty of her husband( about one-fifth to one-third of women complain about her);

    • Another group of causes of divorce is connected with dissatisfaction in the sphere of intimate relations, infertility, illness of one of the spouses;

    • Material and economic difficulties( difficulties, low income, unsatisfactory living conditions) accelerate and intensify the crisis of family relations.

    Age at first marriage:

    1. In the UK, the average age of marriage for men is 24.9 years, for women -22.7 years.

    2. In Russia in 1996, it was 24.4 years for men and 22.2 years for women.

    Single men and women. A representative survey in St. Petersburg showed that 19% of men and 14% of women over 18( a) never married( legal or civil).Single after the divorce or death of a spouse 10% of men and 27% of women( b).

    Repeated marriages. From ever married in Saint Petersburg, 24.6% of men and 24.5% of women were married twice. Three and more times, 5.5% of men and 4% of women.

    Marriage Relationship Models:

    1. Controlled conflict, in which tension and confrontation are present, but open hostility is avoided.

    2. Peaceful coexistence, in which there are more habits than living feelings and attachments, but there are no real conflicts.

    3. Passive marriage, in which partners believe that they live in harmony, but there is no mutual attraction and emotional attachment.

    4. "Living Marriage", in which the couple has positive mutual interests and demonstrates joint efforts in the upbringing of children, work and spending free time.

    5. Harmonious marriage, in which marital relations are built on mutual assistance and support, the community of the majority of interests.