Sexual disharmony

Sexual disharmony is a paired violation of sexual health, a violation of the co-ordination of intimate partner relationships, subjectively perceived as an obstacle to achieving mutual understanding and full sexual satisfaction. Studies show that every second married couple suffers from sexual disharmony today, and sexual problems lead to divorce in 36% of cases in men and 15% in women.

Often the cause of disharmony is the prevalence of misconduct of one or both partners in an intimate situation or sexual problems in one of them. For example, in Finland, 20-30% of women of different ages indicate that their problem is the speed with which a partner achieves sexual dyslexia. In this case, the reaction of partners to the existing violations depends on their personal characteristics, the relationship with the partner,

, the significance of the sexual sphere for them. Of course, disharmony can arise as a result of mental trauma( crisis of family relations, treason, infection with venereal disease, social problems), but often there is a situation where each partner individually does not have any sexual deviations, but when interacting in these specific relationships,complexities and problems, very painful experiences of both.

At the heart of the cases of psychophysiological disharmony lies the discrepancy between the sexual constitution of partners, which, with a misconception of the norm and physiological fluctuations, leads to conflicts and psychological problems in the intimate sphere.

With psychologically determined disharmony, violations of the ability to perceive and understand one's partner, the presence of unmatched needs and ways of satisfying them, inability to talk about sexual desires, needs, and discuss existing difficulties and problems are revealed. Personal features( low self-esteem, egocentrism, inability to communicate, inflexibility of sexual stereotype) are one of the factors contributing to the development of disharmony. In women, this may be an incorrect attitude towards men perceived as aggressive and unreliable, or, on the contrary, excessive romanticization of the appearance of a man( search for a "knight") combined with rejection of real male behavior.

Satisfaction with an intimate life largely depends on the personal characteristics of the partners, their psychological compatibility, the ability to find a way out of difficult problems.

Therapy

Therapy consists of 1) reduction and smoothing of incompatible characterological characteristics of partners, 2) normalization of interpersonal relationships, 3) the formation of new settings, the level of claims, the type of response and activity in accordance with the real circumstances of life.

The couple should learn to discuss their erotic fantasies and dreams, erotic stories in books and films. This helps to better understand your own sexual desires, gives an idea of ​​them to your partner. Simultaneously, mutual understanding in the family, the ability to express their feelings and desires in the sexual sphere increases.

When sexual preferences are revealed, the question is solved whether these sexual scenarios can be embodied in real partner practice, at least in a symbolic, playful way. Partners approbate and gradually introduce the elements of

sexual preferences into practice. At the same time, both partners need creativity, cooperation and patience. A necessary condition for reaching agreement is finding compromises when partners conclude a "contract" when and under what scenario "to play".

Sometimes, the basis may lie between the physiological capabilities of one partner and the needs of the other. For example, this may relate to differences in levels of sexual activity. That is, there is a "quantitative" disharmony in a pair, when a low sexual activity of one corresponds to its age, individual biological characteristics( sexual constitution), and personality characteristics. But this causes dissatisfaction and tension in another partner whose demands can not be ignored. The most appropriate method for resolving the situation in such a pair is to form a compromise when the actual sexual intercourse is relatively rare in accordance with the capabilities and needs of one partner, and the higher requirement of the second is compensated for by alternative forms of sexual activity, for example, through substitution petting.

During the study of sexual behavior in the USA( 1994), men and women were asked to indicate the existence of problems during the last

year.

Among the problems for men in the first place are problems with ejaculation( premature or delayed), on the second - erection disorders, on the third - anxiety about their sexual possibilities, on the fourth - decrease or loss of interest in sex, on the fifth - the lack of an emotional componentdischarge. Women complained mainly about lack of interest in sex, inability to reach orgasm and get satisfaction from intimate contacts, soreness of sexual acts. Problems with partners troubled them to a lesser extent.