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  • Manifestation of sexuality

    When a child is born, unless the results of preliminary tests disappoint parents, we are usually first of all wondering if he is healthy. The second question that we usually ask is: "A boy or a girl?" Parents know who they were born with, and whether they like it or not, they subconsciously begin to treat the child differentially: as a boy or as a girl. And already from this age the child realizes himself as a boy or a girl. The first few months after the birth of the child, the mother has the greatest influence on him. Subsequently, as the child grows, acquires some experience and learns more about the surrounding world and people, in his mind, people's behavior is reinforced by their attitude towards him as a boy or girl.

    This life experience allows the child to behave accordingly, as his parents or

    friends expect him( that is, as a boy or girl).The boy behaves like a boy, the girl - like a girl.

    A child in a western society already by the age of three usually develops a certain manner of behavior that

    gives the opportunity for others to recognize with confidence the boy or girl in it. Basically, boys can be identified by how they build something, play with toy cars, enjoy playing with their father or other men. Sometimes they can behave aggressively towards other children. Similarly, the girl begins to behave as adults expect, that is, in a completely appropriate way. Usually girls play with dolls, help mothers, try to spend time with women, help them get out, cook food, they are talkative, they wait for help from others, getting in a difficult situation. Girls, among other things, are not aggressive.

    In the cases described, it is shown that children, starting from an early age, behave according to their gender. Of course, there are exceptions. In addition, society is changing. However, generally accepted norms of behavior for different sexes are still strong in our society. Among other things, advertising, popular TV and radio programs play a huge role in the demarcation of the sexes, because they often accentuate the difference between the sexes. Either way, the child firmly assimilates his belonging to a certain sex. And in most cases, awareness of this accompanies the child throughout his life.

    Often, society intentionally educates in boys such character traits as aggressiveness, rudeness, hardness, and at the same time teaches them to be simultaneously compliant to the opposite sex and protect it. Society always encourages male independence, independence, the ability to stand up for oneself, devotion and the ability to reason sensibly. And the same society teaches girls to be neat, to keep clean, teaches them tenderness and patience. In our view, the stereotype of a woman has emerged as a creation of a fragile( from the physical point of view), tender, sensitive, capable of empathy, in need of support and protection.

    Although these trends in the behavior of boys and girls are transmitted from generation to generation, there may sometimes be some deviations from the generally accepted norms. Often it depends on how parents, friends, other children, the media, or even teachers, present the roles to boys or girls.

    Throughout their infancy, boys and girls learn the norms of behavior that correspond to their sex, and continue to behave the same way, becoming adults, including sexually.

    Stereotypes existing in society are unshakable and overly simplistic, which often leads to delusion. The society also created a certain stereotype of romantic and sexual relations. By tradition, children learn that men, as a rule, make their own choice and are the initiators of sexual activity. Women in a romantic relationship are likened to "goalkeepers" and are waiting for an invitation. Men in sex, as a rule, have a guide, an active role, and a passive woman. It is believed that a man should know and warn the wishes of women. Men are considered experts in this matter. They do not need to be asked for and do not need to be indicated. It is also assumed that real men are very vulnerable. Men are characterized by quick temper, and women - compliance. Men can "burn their youth," but if a woman does this, society will condemn her.

    Such stereotypes should be considered erroneous, and their adherents can not escape the bitter disappointments. This is due to the fact that such views underestimate our capabilities and do not allow us to show much of what we really are capable of and what we could do. These stereotypes separate women from men and often deprive them of the opportunity to get closer.

    There is also a preconceived notion that women are as sexually excitable as men. Although who really knows, is it so. It is probably right to simply talk about the character traits inherent in men or women. These character traits are associated with this or that sex, and we can cultivate them in ourselves. So, for example, a man of any gender can show a "masculine" hardness of character, as well as "feminine" tenderness. In fact, we are more complicated than the traditional sexual stereotype, and our life is much richer because we can choose and cultivate

    in ourselves those traits that we deem necessary or attractive. And we do not care what kind of sex they are.

    For a man, for example, it is important to be able to sometimes be gentle and show a strong character in order to achieve true intimacy with a partner. At the same time, a woman, if she wants to succeed in society, should be more active and persistent.

    As for erotic feelings, then from childhood we open those parts of our body that are most sensitive and pleasant to touch. From the earliest childhood, natural curiosity made us gently touch those parts of the body that are located between the legs.

    And our understanding of the genitals and our sexual development is largely determined by the attitude of others around to what we do. If the world were arranged perfectly, then perhaps we would immediately be told what and when to do, and we would know that it is not customary to caress your body before other people's eyes.

    However, this does not mean that everything we do is bad or you should be ashamed of it. Not at all! Critical reaction of adults to our actions or actions, when they say "it's indecent", "do not touch the din," and even worse - "do not look, and then go blind", later, in adulthood, can create many sexual complexes.

    Sometimes it also happens that adults pay too much attention to sexuality, manifested in a child with age. Such intrusiveness can be the cause of what we call sexual abuse( see Chapter 16).