To marry a widower - how to marry a widower

People who have never experienced the death of their beloved spouses will not be able to understand what unspeakable pain this sad event brings. Only after some time a person begins to get used to the new reality, in which there is no longer his beloved person. Sometimes it takes a very long time. ..

A large number of men after their spouse dies, get married for the second time. Unfortunately, not everyone can endure the hardest grief and pain of loss. Therefore, new families are often brought negative and unnecessary comparisons with the deceased spouse.

So how to marry a widower and create a new and absolutely happy family with him? How can one not lose his face among endless comparisons with his wife's former wife? Marriage with a widower can conceal a lot of serious psychological traps.

A woman with no shortcomings

Human memory is so arranged that losing a loved one, forget all the negativity that was in past relationships. Remain only the most kind and good memories. Often, widowers idealize their deceased spouses, making them a creature that has never had flaws. Therefore, all subsequent women in his life have to undergo real trials by comparison with his untimely departed wife. How to live in such relationships? Unfortunately, it is extremely difficult, because each of us is unique and not at all similar to someone else.

Very often widowers make such a mistake: they are looking for a woman who would remind him as much as possible of his beloved dead spouse. In addition, they, for some reason, expect that the woman will not only resemble his wife, but will also have all the remarkable qualities that she possessed.

It will be incredibly difficult to constantly try to meet the expectations of your loved one. This is possible only for those women who have a really strong character and incredible patience. They will be able to eventually replace the former feelings and thoughts of a loved one, wisely having built his family according to the new rules.

How to survive?

Every woman who is going to marry a widower should understand that along with a loved one in her life is a serious test in the form of his past. And only love and patience can lead to harmony in family relationships. But hysterics, constant reproaches and failures - only to the imminent rupture. If you understand and respect the experiences of your husband, you can help him to heal the pain that he suffered, switch attention and all the forces to building a new family and new relationships.

Some useful tips will help make the period of inevitable adaptation of two such different fates less painful:

1. Things of the deceased wife. It is better to remove them far away. Just do not throw away, arranging a kind of burning of personal belongings and photographs( this can hurt very much the soul of a loved one who has not yet departed from grief), but neatly folding it into boxes and hiding them in a closet or attic. Even if your loved one asks a question about where his wife's things have gone, you will not be ashamed to answer him.
2. A reminder of a loss. Try not to remind your beloved of his grief with words or actions. If this is not possible, be prepared that you have to learn, not to react to remarks and unpleasant comparisons.
3. Pleasant moments. Develop a plan for a long period of time, which will not let you and your loved one get bored. Replace his previous experiences with joint pleasant moments: holidays, walks, rest, travel and so on. Time will pass and the pain will subside. And you and your husband can celebrate a brilliant victory over despondency.
4. The memory of his wife. Constantly inspire your man at any opportunity that his untimely departed wife will never be forgotten and that the memories of her will only be the brightest. But gently remind him that the past can not be returned and you need to continue to live here and at this moment.
5. Disrespect for the past. It is not necessary to perceive any of his actions with respect to his former family disrespectfully. For example, if he often goes to the cemetery, visit the grave of his wife, it is not necessary to obstruct him. Remember that nothing heals better than time. And soon his daily life with a new family will accustom him to a slightly different lifestyle.
6. Unnecessary conclusions. Never put your beloved "diagnoses", do not take any of his actions and words as a mental illness. After all, every person experiences the pain of loss in his own way. And everyone needs time to start living in a new way.

It is important to remember one thing: in every way support your beloved man. Time will pass, his pain of loss will subside, and he will return to normal life. And in this new life for him, he will be waited by a patient and restrained wife, who was able to endure a huge number of unpleasant and really difficult moments. But then she has a happy life with a wonderful husband.