Think about adoption in open
Jun 28, 2018
At the time of this writing, our
came up with the eighth child, Lauren, through adoption. It was then that we realized that in most cases there is nothing terrible in raising the veil of secrecy surrounding the adopted children. Adoption in the open means that the relationship between the biological mother( or biological parents) and foster parents is maintained. This allows you to make a preliminary plan, which will perfectly suit all parties. Many adoptive parents and biological mothers choose adoption openly, since this option benefits everyone, especially the child.
Adoptive parents this form of adoption is beneficial, as it saves them from surprises. They learn more about the heredity of their child, and they do not have to live in fear that the biological mother will suddenly invade their life. The biological mother, for her part, receives constant confirmation that her child is surrounded by love and good care. Since she does not have to guess what happened to her child, it helps the biological mother to be confident that she made the right choice. As one biological mother, who chose adoption as an open one, said: "Instead of having an abortion, I made four people happy, including myself."
Late maintenance of correspondence through correspondence provides answers to questions that can arise in the child and can answer only his biological mother, which protects the child from inventing unpleasant things that threaten his self-esteem. Such statements as: "I gave you to your parents, because at that time I could not give you the life that I would like to give you", in this case they do not come from a person who did not care, and it is important for the foster child to feel it.
To understand another valuable feature of adoption in the open, we came to realize that a biological mother can not simply brush off her memories of childbirth under the mat and live happily away. This mature form of adoption dispels the myth that memories of childbirth seem to pass. They will never pass! Adoption openly promotes recognition of the fact that the child has and always will have two pairs of parents. The main thing is that adoption in the open allows the
all the parties to tell the truth - and the truth has a therapeutic effect.
Collect all the facts. Be sure to learn as much as possible about the biological parents: a family history of inherited diseases, antenatal care of the mother, possible use of dangerous drugs or drugs during pregnancy, and any other necessary information obtained from medical sources or from acquaintances.
Participate in the course of pregnancy. If you have the ideal situation for adoption, you communicate with the biological mother during pregnancy, do everything you can to provide her with good antenatal care. Be sure to do everything possible so that she understands how important it is not to take drugs or drugs during pregnancy and how dangerous it is to smoke. Help her to choose the correct school for childbirth, as well as personnel who provide mothers with assistance during childbirth. And be sure to go with her for advice to specialists before( and after) childbirth.
Participate in birth planning.
If possible( and if the biological mother is not against this idea), attend the delivery. After the medical staff check to see if the child is healthy, let the child be handed over to you. Contact the with your child. Some adoptive parents even looked at the children's ward. They fed their child and looked after him from birth to discharge from the hospital, passing the child care course offered by the maternity home.
Part of your birth plan, which you previously worked out together, is what kind of contact the biological mother will have with the baby right after delivery. In the films, the child is quickly taken away from visual or tactile contact with the mother. What is the theory of such inhuman practices is not easy to see or understand. It is supposed that this helps the mother to forget about childbirth and continue to live her life. Stupidity! The mother who carried the child needs to be given the opportunity to say goodbye.
If you are separated by a large distance, this can delay the establishment of the first contact, but try to take care of the child as soon as possible after his birth. The child needs to know who he or she belongs to. Of course, formalities are important, but you do not just transfer the rights to own some kind of bundle. You take care of the person. Foster parents often worry: "If we miss the period of early contact, the child and we will be forever deprived?" No! Establishing a contact is a process that lasts a lifetime. Early contact establishment simply provides you with a good starting spurt.
Try a caring based on affection. Adoptive mothers often wonder whether they can be full-fledged mothers. What are they deprived if they were not given a biological impetus through hormones of pregnancy and childbirth? From my experience I can say that the adoptive mothers are so delighted that they finally have a child, which is quite able to fill the lack of these biological aids. Some parents have love at first sight;others have a gradual process. How your relationship will develop depends on the approach to caring for the child that you choose. Care based on affection, for which we advocate, is especially useful for adoptive parents. Try to apply as many attachment-shaping concepts as you can.
Foster parents, both mothers and fathers, can also experience postpartum depression. Most likely, this depression is caused by a combination of factors such as fatigue and stupefaction by the fact that so many changes happen so quickly. Look for support from other foster parents and learn from their experience at
.For example, some foster families have a special custom to celebrate two birthdays: the day the child was born, and the day in which the child entered the family by law.
Think about when to tell how to tell. Now that we are writing this book, Lauren is only four months old, and we are already thinking about how and when to tell her that she has entered our family by adoption. That's what we decided. Firstly, we do not call it our "adopted daughter".She is our daughter. Introducing it to the inquirer in this way, we make it clear that for us, the way she got into our house is of secondary importance in relation to the fact that she is ours. In addition, we are not going to keep a terrible word on the letter P in secret until Lauren grows up and gets a driver's license - we do not want to live life out of small innocuous deceptions, and then throw out all the facts on it. In the first couple of years, Lauren will often hear the word "adoption", and when she is about two, with the help of books with stories about adopted children, we will gradually train Lauren to bind herself to this word. In order not to belittle it, we are going to to minimize the difference between foster children from relatives, because for children if you are different, then you are worse. Similarly, it may not be worth special emphasis on the fact that she is "special" or that she is "chosen" because, as psychologists working with adopted children found out, this status can be difficult for the child, because he may havethe feeling that he should be worthy of it. If we make the word "adoption" familiar to Lauren, we hope it will not cause her any discomfort or embarrassment long before she realizes his full meaning. And finally, as Lauren grows up, we will fill in the gaps in accordance with her interest and understanding.
With twins, twice as much fatigue - twice as much pleasure. Although for most parents the first year of life with twins passes like in a fog, here are tips on how to make your work easier.
Be on alert twice. Ultrasound examination has now become an indispensable part of antenatal care, and twins rarely become a surprise. And do not forget, twins are usually born two or three weeks ahead of schedule. If you pull until the last minute, you can be caught off guard, with an unready nest. Read Article 3 - "Preparing for the baby" and complete the purchase of most of the children's things and decorating the baby until the last month of pregnancy. In the last
trimester, sign up for the local "Club of Moms of Twins".Attend their meetings before the birth and continue after another even a year or two. There is no better source of information than experienced parents who share secrets, how to save time and effort.
Double brigade. If one child is born, participation in the care of his father is a matter of choice. If twins are born, this is an indispensable condition. When you take care of the dual role of the mother and father are not so clearly distributed. For the exclusion of breastfeeding( and here the father has responsibilities), the father can take on a part of all the tasks of caring for children.
Lunch for two. Try to bring both children to a simultaneous feeding regimen. If the dad at home and children receive artificial feeding, both parents can feed on the child at the same time. If you are breastfeeding, use the items illustrated earlier.
Double Responsibilities. As with feeding, try to bring both children to the same sleep mode. Having strictly established during the day two periods, when all three of you lie down together, you will facilitate your work by training to a constant regime of daytime sleep. In the first months, the bathing of two children will be impossible without four hands at once. If you find that two in the bath are too much, bathe one while the other plays. Do not forget that babies do not have to bathe daily. Wash one in one day, another in the second and yourself in the third. Daily wipe your face with a sponge and ass on a non-scheduled day - this should be enough.
Be doubly more organized. With the birth of twins, you are awarded the honorary degree of a time management manager. Do what you need to do, and redistribute the rest of the between the others. Give your dad, grandmother or trusty girlfriend a shopping list. What can wait, let him wait. Ask your no less tired girlfriends in "Mom twins" rational ways, for example, cooking. The diaper washing service will really become a wand for you.
Together in the crib. It's better not to put twins in the maternity hospital in different cradles, as most twins better calm down and fall asleep more quickly if you put them side by side or face to face in one cradle. In the end, they have been together for nine months. When they become older, vary places for sleeping, depending on whether they sleep better by hugging each other, or separately.
Accept help. Hire a housekeeper, at least for the first few months. For twins, parents are not a luxury, but a first necessity. If your friends ask you what you need or can help, ask for help around the house and bring home food.
Together in the bag. Children worn weep less. Experienced parents well learned that if you carry children in a bag, they calm down. Double this for twins. Crying one child can lead to another, and the cumulative effect of howling in two throats can lead to nervous breakdowns. Get two baby bags-sling-gami, one for your mother, the other for your dad, and take your children out as often as possible for a walk. Nature and space can be saving for the brain when you feel locked in four walls.
Doubles in the eyes. If you have problems in distinguishing one twin from another, try resorting to such identification marks: a bracelet from one, different haircuts, diapers of different colors, and different clothes. Even for twins, if you carefully examine the entire surface of their body, you will usually notice a birthmark, dimple or other feature that only one person has. Trying to make a pair of four completely identical
shoes - the most lost thing. Or buy different pairs, or use different shoelaces. When twins grow up, even the most similar acquire unique features.
This twin has a name. Do not forget that you grow individual personalities, not twins. Call them by their names, not by "twins".
Same, but different. As these little bosom friends grow up, be prepared to play both ways. They like a special position that gives them the status of twins, but they also want to be each special. In one day they may want to dress alike;in another - in different ways. Go with the flow, treating them the same when they want to be twins, and differently when they want to be separate personalities.
In monitoring the development of twins, there is a special dimension - how children communicate with each other. When children start to sit down and crawl, parents feel great relief, because now the couple can entertain each other and give you a much needed break. Then comes the stage of supervision, when your eyes are jumping, like when playing table tennis, to keep under your indifferent eye of both children. In the care of djinei, high stress eventually weakens, but never disappears. Just like the joy of growing a child - and one more child.
Our hearts rush to mothers who, by their own choice or by coincidence, take up parental duties alone. Although there are many circumstances when both single mothers and parents become single parents, we will limit ourselves to single mothers. Here are some tips on how to be a caring mother for your child, spending some time on taking care of yourself.