A child with high needs
One of our first difficulties was how to call Hayden. We did not like the usual terms "complex child" or "restless child".They are negative and derogatory. In addition, they imply that both parties - both parents and the child - were not up to par: something is wrong with the child or something is wrong with the parents;but for us it was unacceptable. We expressed acceptance of Hayden's behavior and her parenting approach, saying: "She has a high level of needs," and found that many other parents with similar children say the same. One day, it dawned on us: "Let's call her" a child with high needs. "We experienced this term for a while and tried it on many other children and parents. Successfully, and we left it. This term was a coup, after which our feelings towards Hayden warmed and we were able to start admiring it.
"A child with high needs" - that says it all. This is the term that precisely expresses why these children are so demanding and what level of parental care they need. This is a positive, approving term that sounds intelligent and indicates that these children are special. He removes guilt from the shoulders of his parents and gives these special children the recognition they deserve. Parents of restless children, you already feel better?
"It will grow out of this," friends continued to reassure us. Yes and no. As soon as we understood and accepted the child who was born with us, and accordingly rebuilt, life with Hayden became easier. But her needs did not decrease with age;they only changed. From a baby with high needs, she became a child with high needs, and now she is a teenager with high needs. It was difficult to separate her from three of her favorite safe places: from the bed, from the chest and from the hands. But we managed to separate them. How did we accustom her to discipline? With sensitivity.
Fourteen years later, Hayden is an amazingly creative, deeply sensitive and delightfully bright personality, caring and giving herself to others, including us.
What We Learned from Hayden:
• Children are restless mainly because of their own temperament( it means their fundamental tendency to behave in a certain way), and not because of the insolvency of their parents.
• Each child is born with a certain level of needs and requires a certain level of parental care, so that both parties help each other show all the good things that they are capable of.
• It is necessary to accept and appreciate that children with high needs have a unique temperament and require a unique parental approach;She taught us to be more sensitive, and this quality has penetrated into our professional, social and marital relationships.
What we taught Hayden:
• The people who care for her are responsive to her needs.
• It is appreciated( there is nothing wrong with having needs).
• The caring world in which it fell is a warm and safe place.
From our own experience and the experience of hundreds of children struggling for the survival of children with high needs, we learned a lot about why children behave restlessly and what to do about it. Here are the strategies that help most children and parents in most cases.