Combination: a child with high needs and a strict mother

Result: In this situation, the child and mother have the highest risk of not becoming a good couple. This situation is losing on both sides. Neither the mother nor the child is given the opportunity to show the best they can do. Such a child has good attachment skills and comes into life, demanding the level of care that he needs. However, instead of being attentive to the child and listening to her intuition( even the shaky intuition with practice becomes more reliable), the mother chooses a more distant approach to the implementation of her parental responsibilities. She makes science out of parental care and succumbs to advice given from the standpoint of a detached attitude toward the child: "He is manipulating you", "Let him cry. You make him too dependent "," You pamper him. "Mothers of children with high needs, beware of tips that imply that you need to keep yourself from responding to the child. If you get a lot of advice of this kind, you have bad advisers. The council will behave discreetly to destroy the relationship between mother and child, as it confuses young mothers who are particularly easily amenable to any advice that, as promised, will work. Especially beware of fast and simple ways that imply that you need to adhere to a strict schedule of feedings and periods of crying. They rarely work for any child, but can be especially traumatic for a child with high needs. Mothers have to spend so much energy on testing other people's methods that she has almost nothing left to experiment with

with her own ways to reassure the of her own child.

And what happens to the child? A child with high needs, whose signals can not reach susceptible ears, has two options. The child can scream even more and louder, until finally someone takes him in his arms and does not pay attention. Over time, the child will break the barrier of a detached parental approach, persuading parents to try a more caring approach, but everything has to be paid for. A child can spend so much energy on a cry that little will remain on overall development. He may not be able to develop optimally. Or the child can give up, stop giving signals( "Look, it worked - he finally shut up", - some counselor may mistakenly conclude) and withdraw into themselves, trying to ensure their emotional survival by various habits of complacency.