Why babies are restless

Now that you've met this unique personality, how will you handle a child with high needs? To understand how to care for these special children, you first need to understand why children are restless. It's very simple: children behave restlessly for the same reasons as adults. They are hurt, physically or emotionally, or they need something. There is a huge range of types of crying child. A calmer edge has a child who cries to be taken in his arms, but easily calms down and is satisfied when he is held in his arms. The other extreme is a child who is hurt, - a child crying inconsolably, receiving a label "suffering from colic."

Children are worried to adjust

Being in the womb, the unborn child feels perfectly comfortable in his environment. Perhaps he will never have a home in which the child will feel the same harmony - weightlessness, constant temperature and all nutritional needs are automatically and uninterruptedly satisfied. In general, everything is perfectly organized in the uterus.

Birth suddenly destroys this organization. Within a month after birth, the child tries to regain this sense of organization and fit into life outside the womb. Birth and adaptation to postpartum life cause the child's temper to manifest, for he is first forced to do something to satisfy his needs. He has to act, somehow behave. If he is hungry, cold or scared, he screams. He has to make an effort to get what he needs from the care environment. If his needs are simple and he can easily get what he needs, he gets the name "light child";if it is not easy to adapt to it, it is called "difficult."He does not feel comfortable. Restless children are children who feel uncomfortable and who do not want to put up with the level of care given to them. They need more, and they scream to get it.

The melancholy of the womb

Another reason why babies cry is that they lack the environment that

once had - the uterus. The child expects life to continue as before, but everything turns out wrong, and the child has a feeling that everything is wrong. The child wants to adapt to his new environment and has a great desire to feel comfortable. The conflict between the desire for comfort and the inability to achieve it leads to internal stress and its external expression in so-called capriciousness. With his restless behavior, the child begs those who look after him, help him find something that will make him feel good, something like: "Give me back my womb", until he has become old enough to come up with his own ways of complacency.

Immediately after the birth of the child put on the warm mother's belly, my mother's breast gave him a physical and emotional make-up, in the daytime parents wear it, tightly pressing to themselves, in a bag, and at night, again, tightly pressed to themselves. The child does not have to worry. Everything that the uterus gave him is still here, and birth only changed the form of the expression of the relationship.

And what about a child falling into a world that gives him a different kind of care? Instead of a warm and familiar body, he receives a plastic box in the children's room. Instead of a warm chest, he gets a silicone nipple. Instead of constant physical contact and frequent feeding, he remains in the box, and his hands are taken and fed strictly according to the schedule. Even his sleep is disturbed. Instead of a warm body, to which he is accustomed for nine months in the womb, he gets this plastic box. He has two choices. He can be satisfied with this base "uterus" and become a "good child", or he can protest, stating that his new home does not suit him. The more he cries, the more he is taken in his arms and worn. The more he cries, the more often he is fed. He is accustomed to demanding that he be fed "on demand".On the first or second day of stay in the children's ward he is given the name "fussy".At night, he screams until, from desperation, parents do not take him to their bed. Finally, after a few weeks of shouting in the name of adaptation, the child realizes that screaming is also a way to survive. This is the only language that can provide him with a level of care that he could be given automatically, before he demanded it. This child, the victim, as we call it, the syndrome of a bad beginning, is bustling around with life.

needs level concept All babies need to be taken, fed, ironed, and provided sensitive care in all other ways, but some need more than others, and some babies express their needs more. It was when we tried to understand why some of our children behaved differently, although they received the same level of care, we came to the concept of the level of needs. In our opinion, every child has a certain level of needs, the satisfaction of which allows the child to reach his potential, emotionally, physically and intellectually. It is also logical to assume that each child is born with an appropriate temperament in order to be able to let know about his level of needs.

Suppose a child has average needs that need to be met, so that the child feels comfortable. He cries only very little, and others take him in his arms and rock him just enough to control the restless behavior of the child. He could have been christened "an easy child."Suppose a child needs to be kept in his arms for a long time. He continues to cry when he is laid, so he seeks to be held in his arms more - as if he demanded that he be transferred from the second class to the first. This child receives a label "demanding".But being in the first class( it is much worn on the hands, often fed, with it

( inseparable day and night), it cries less and less. Now he is where he feels good, and there is no need to cry any more. Both children are normal, both harmoniously fit into the surrounding world, and one is not better than the other. They simply have different levels of needs and a corresponding temperament, designed to help them achieve their satisfaction.

The feeling of unity

A demanding little girl who "screams, I just need to get her out of my hands," needs a feeling of unity with her mother does not end. Before birth, this baby was one with her mother. After birth, the mother knows that the child is now a separate person, but the child does not feel himself separate. The child still needs to feel connected with the mother, and birth has changed only the form of expression of this connection. This child will protest or behave restlessly if his inseparability with his mother is broken. He needs to prolong this unity for a while, and, fortunately, he has the ability to demand it. If the needs of this child are heard and satisfied, he feels comfortable: he is in harmony with the world around him. He feels that everything is fine. When a child feels that everything is good,

his temperament is less evident, and he becomes a "good" child.

Adhered or torn

Mothers often talk about this feeling of unity, in the words: "My child is glued to me."They also use the word "torn off" to describe how their children seem to crumble when they lose that sense of oneness with their environment. Nancy, the mother who worked long and hard to establish strong contact with her high-needing child, once said to us: "When my child feels cut off and seems to crumble to pieces, now I feel I can collect the pieces and againglue it together. It was a long, hard fight, but I'm finally starting to get interest from my contribution. "