Do not prohibit, but enlighten
A person becomes a person only through education.
I. Kant
For a long time this case remained in my memory. Reception room of maternity ward;the ambulance delivers here the woman in childbirth. From under the girl's bangs look at the doctors full of fear, pain and despair of the eyes. Do not depart from the hospital couch and the accompanying daughter, all in tears, short, full-grown woman of 40 years. The birth began, prematurely. The doctors warned: the most unpredictable consequences are quite possible. But the trouble came to this family even earlier: the future mother is not even seventeen.
Unfortunately, the facts are not unique. The number of appeals to medical institutions regarding the termination of pregnancy among minors is not decreasing these days. Often the pregnancy is carefully concealed, schoolgirls at fifteen, sixteen years continue to go to school, to classes in vocational schools, until something happens that you just learned.
What to say, for many years the sex education of the younger generation in our country was given to the street. The Khan's notions of propriety dictated silence about everything relating to the relationship between a man and a woman. It was believed that the pledge of morality - complete ignorance, and therefore neither at home, nor at school, nor in television programs, adolescents did not receive information of interest to them. But you can not argue with accelerating, scientists say that puberty is now beginning in young people much earlier than their peers 30-40 years ago. Inaccessibility of the same information creates an agiotage around the problem. It is no accident that adolescents are mostly interested in the erotic side of sex. And where do they get the information from? From stories experienced, anecdotes, pornographic video films."So the important sphere of a person's life appears to young in a distorted light. The unhealthy interest generates the phenomenon of the" forbidden fruit "and the desire to" taste it. "
The moral character of people, their humanity depends to a great extent on how the upbringing in the family - one of the mainin the family begins the education of the future father and mother. When parents can lay the foundation of morality in the soul of their child, how insistently they will instill respect for the girl, the woman, from the early childhood, depends on the girlharmony in the future of marriage
Many parents consider the sexual education of their children to be extremely delicate, and the results of the relevant studies make it possible to judge that this circumstance leads to the fact that the popes and mothers are trying to evade this task and leave it., that sex education in families can not yet be considered satisfactory, can be explained by the fact that parents are required to talk with children about what they themselves did not talk about when they were children. Only a few parents prepare children for the development of sexual desire and for establishing relationships with the opposite sex. Most parents can not conduct frank interviews with children on gender issues simply because they do not have the necessary terminology. But even in cases when they know the names of the genital organs, they hardly manage to pronounce them. Therefore, it is extremely important that the parents have the opportunity to freely talk on gender issues, look for these opportunities and use them.
If the teacher does not manage to overcome false shame before sex education, then he will be in great debt with his own children. And he will not need to be surprised if his child fails in such areas as love, sex, marriage.
Sex education is part of the education process in general. AS Makarenko said this very well: "You can not teach a person how to be happy, but you can bring him up so that he can be happy".Sex education requires the same consistency and aspiration as other aspects of upbringing. Only in this case it will be successful.
Sex education as part of the moral education system must begin with infancy. Beginning late, it is essentially a re-education and can not fully compensate for the gaps made in the previous stages. Sexual education of preschoolers is necessary and effective in so far as it comes to meet the child, helping him in resolving many issues and sets as his goal the formation of a harmonious personality.
Since childhood, the child is familiar with joy, love, anger, curiosity.
It is noticed that children deprived of emotional contact with their mother in the early childhood can not communicate with their peers in the future, they are aggressive, cruel, indiscriminate in their choice of comrades, they often have a reduced ability to fantasize, which always affects later on the characteristics of sexual desire. A child who has not experienced gentle motherly touch, brought up in Spartan isolation from all "carnal", becoming an adult, can turn out to be dry and cold in communication with loved ones, inept and coarse in moments of intimacy.
The role of the father in the upbringing of children now has its own specific features. The mission of paternity is gaining increasing social importance as a husband in a modern family turns from her head into a partner of the wife and takes care of raising children. Deprived of in childhood opportunities for sufficient communication with the father, boys in the future often do not know how to fulfill their paternal duties. Being educated without a father, boys either acquire a "female" type of Behavior, or create a distorted view of male behavior. Raised without fathers, girls are less successful in shaping the notion of masculinity, they are less likely to correctly understand their husbands and sons, that is, to play the role of wife and mother.
In general, pre-school sex education is focused on the instillation of hygienic skills, the organization of rational nutrition, the rejection of fairytale explanations of the birth of a person.
The regime-hygienic recommendations at this age consist in tempering, avoiding excessive wrapping, which is harmful, not only reducing the body's resistance, but creating conditions for irritation of the genitals( tight clothing, profuse sweating).Not only stimulating food( excess meat, fried, spicy and spicy dishes, chocolate, tonic drinks), but overfeeding due to overfilling with blood of pelvic organs can lead to stress in them and early sexual stimulation. Some parents, excessively affectionate by virtue of their personality, constantly hold the child in their arms, caress him, kiss him in different places, put him to bed with him. This super-sensitivity also gives rise to an early manifestation of sexual feelings. The bed should not be too soft and warm. In the night dresses, a free cut is preferred - this is especially true for boys whose close panties cause irritation of the genitals.
In the family, the child must feel that the elders always come to the rescue, explain the incomprehensible, will be able to solve the difficulties that have been created, will satisfy his curiosity, not one question will be left unanswered.
The child should receive the necessary information on gender issues as they become interesting. Parents should not suppress the awakening and development of children's curiosity. Do not turn the answers into lengthy lectures. They should be concise, truthful, without unnecessary detail. Here is a well-known aphorism, according to which one must speak only the truth, but not always the whole truth.
The majority believes that sex education should be started during puberty, but this is not so. This process must begin immediately after the birth of the child and continue until the psychosexual development ends. Parents are the first to start sexual education, because the first questions children ask them. After all, they ask about everything that interests them. One of the first questions of children, as a rule, is: "Where do the children come from?" Very often parents tell tales about the stork, as they, in turn, were told the same. However, the art of the educator is to tell the children the truth in an accessible form for children's perception. AG Khripkov recommends, for example, such answers to children's questions about the origin of children.
"Children develop in the mother's abdomen. They are warm there, there they have reliable protection. When they become larger, they know how to breathe and drink independently, then they are born. Mothers need help during this period, because the growth of a child in her body is very tiring. "
- Where do the children in the mother's stomach come from?
"A child is born from a very small, very tiny egg that is in the mother's body, when a man's sperm is fertilized. In order to get into the mother's body, you need to insert a member into the vagina. Such a process, performed by two people who love each other, is called sexual intercourse. However, not with every sexual act is the fertilization of the egg. Only occasionally spermatozoa enter the uterus and fertilize the egg, from which a child is formed by means of a large number of cells. "
Children do not expect too detailed answers from adults, because they are not yet ready for them in terms of their level of development.
Age 9-10 years is a period of imitation and attachment of boys to their father, and girls to their mother. The class is divided into two camps: boys and girls, treason to its camp is condemned and despised. Boys play military games, read "heroic" literature and imitate the heroes-knights. Girls in their circle discuss the first romantic heroes, fashion, housekeeping, prefer lyrical literature.
The struggle for the family, its planning, strengthening must start at school. The sense of beauty manifested at this age creates favorable opportunities for the formation of the psyche of a boy and a girl. It is very important to help them see the beautiful in life, including in the person of the opposite sex. You should try to show the child the nobility, generosity in a person, their manifestation in actions and behavior, their bodily expressions: posture, gesture, eye expression, facial expressions. The friendship of a boy and a girl with a rare exception alarms adults and encourages them to interfere, restrict. However, educators often forget that their ability to model for children's life situations is very limited, and attempts to protect children from life with its contradictions and diversity are untenable.
Both teachers and parents should bear in mind that the modern family is undergoing significant changes. Guaranteeing the law of equal rights for men and women does not guarantee equality in the concrete relations of specific individuals. In addition to industrial employment, a woman is much more occupied than a man by the household. In a modern family where all adults work, there is a certain weakening of family ties, the family often gathers together only at dinner and in front of a television that reduces family contacts and prematurely introduces children to the adult world.
Adolescence is the time for the completion of the design of a pattern of behavior that will significantly affect physical and mental health, for the whole further social and personal life.
Knowing himself, a teenager comes to the formation of the ideal image of his "I" and seeks to match him. Thus, he enters a period of self-education, which increasingly becomes a prism that refracts external educational influences.
Alcohol, tobacco and other narcotic substances constitute the subject of temptation, which not every teenager can pass by. The adolescent is faster than the adult, an irresistible attraction to narcotization is formed. Among the reasons that lead to alcoholic anesthesia, a significant place is occupied by the problems of communication and sexuality. Cigarette becomes a pass to the company of peers or elders. Drinking alcohol helps to overcome the barrier of shyness and shyness, stimulates and emancipates eroticism. Sometimes it goes far, can create a direct threat to mental and physical health.
Participation in forensic medical examinations in criminal cases among minors allows us to draw a disappointing conclusion: the number of cases of violent violent crimes from adolescents increases. The analysis shows that most of them are young men who reached puberty, but there are also those who, due to their delay: sexual development, could not commit the crime, but also took part in it and are responsible for it, because they were membersgroup or went for the company. And most of the crimes are committed without physical violence. As a rule, girls with pleasure go to listen to music, drink tea, or even just curiosity for the sake of. Often, cases( Frivolous behavior, promiscuity lead to sexually transmitted diseases.) And if earlier people with an age of 25-35 years old were sick with venereal diseases, now patients are registered at 17, 18, and even at 15. Some of them -without special classes, but there are also working, university students, technical schools, and even high school students.
It should be borne in mind that sex education should not be limited to covering the physiological and sexual relations of the sexes: for example, a year ago in one of the vocational schoolsor by the teacher, a conversation was held about the sexual manifestations of the young man. Having received certain information, two young men raped a minor the same evening
Sex education is not an isolated event, such as a conversation or lecture. It should be carried out continuously, consistently and systematically, with a change in the content and form, according to the development of children. So, the information for 14-year-olds is very different from that intended for 18-year-olds.
It should be remembered that a teenager requires not so much independence - she often even frightens - how much recognition of the right to independence. Refusal to adolescents in the right to independence, the non-independent definition of the circle of communication is regarded by a teenager as a disregard for his interests and can lead to protracted, difficult conflicts.
There is a powerful tool for preventing negative phenomena in the teenage environment - the current family control. But to control means not to administer, not to forbid, but to keep a hand on the pulse, to call the child to frankness, to be aware of all his affairs, including in matters of sex.
Disrespect, insulting suspicions expressed by an adult about the object of the adolescent's sympathy, even if they cause him a sharp protest and seem to be rejected by him, can affect his later life and significantly complicate relations with people. Equally harmful is the too serious attitude of adults when the object of the first adolescent's love is seen by them as a tomorrow's husband or wife. A teenager is not ready for such a perspective. She deprives the first love of her chaste charm. Some teenagers can push this to speed up genital contact, others - to make them ashamed of what constitutes the happiness and meaning of this period of life.
Even if adults think that the adolescent's sensitivity is excessive or the resulting deviations are undesirable, they must first show respect for existing relationships and feelings, and then try to reasonably influence them. There are so many special methods of upbringing important here, as following the basic laws of human communication - understanding, trust, tact.
Adult error is the desire to provide a teenager a conflict-free existence, to save him from a collision with life. The result is the lack of moral stability, when the first contact with life causes despair, pessimism, disbelief in oneself and people.
Many parents have a dominant tendency to protect the child from any information related to sex, prompting to establish the strictest censorship in reading, acquaintance with art. But the trouble is not in literature and painting, but in upbringing, when the teen's sexual curiosity takes unhealthy, hypertrophied forms. It should be prepared for a full, multifaceted and enriching perception of the work of art, in which gender relations occupy their specific place. Home discussion provides parents the opportunity to orient themselves in the child's perception of the human, moral aspect of the content of the work.
Often, with the entry into adolescence, children neglect the hygiene of the body. In part, this is due to a decrease in obedience and an increase in the trend towards independence. One should not hide from the adolescent that the bad smell of a dirty body, an unpleasant appearance, causes negative reactions even among people who love it. Girls should receive all necessary explanations on menstrual hygiene and observe it independently. It is necessary to let the teenager feel that his tidiness increases his disposition towards him, contributes to the strengthening of emotional contacts.
A teenager should see in the educator a person with their own merits and demerits, convincing with all their experience that the only way for a real person is self-improvement.
Not all parents realize their responsibility for preparing children for marriage and family, considering it a matter of a distant future and having no practical value. But we should remember that the prerequisites for a successful marriage are primarily personal qualities that are not inherited and do not fall from the sky at the time of marriage. They always represent the outcome of a long, consistent educational process, the goal of which is the all-round development of the individual. Marriage must be perceived as a task, skillfully performed only by those who know what marriage is about, how to build family relationships, what responsibility it imposes on everyone who wants to create a really good family. The knowledge and skill required daily from each spouse does not come by themselves. It is necessary to educate the children of the appropriate character traits so that they can overcome any difficulties. It is necessary to develop in children tact, inclination to penetrate into the spiritual state of another person, the desire to discover positive qualities in it.
The problem of sex education can not be solved only by a doctor, because it is based on the intersection of many sciences: psychology, psychiatry, sexology and sexopathology, sociology, ethics, etc.
The role of a doctor can be defined as the role of a counselor,a wide range of specialists working with adolescents, scientifically based information about psycho-hygienic and psycho-preventive aspects of physiology and sex psychology in the dynamics of development, as well as forming an adequate relation to this information, goals, objectives and principles of sexual education of the younger generation.
The task of sexual education is the formation of the adolescent's correct attitude to his own sexuality, to sexual attraction to a representative of the opposite sex and a sense of responsibility to society for the consequences of his intimate relationships. Speaking of sexual education, we mean not so much the desire to protect boys and girls about?negative phenomena, as the need to bring them to serious reflections about the problems of love and intimate relationships between a man and a woman. Ideally, we need a state program of field education. After all, there are such programs in other countries. In Poland, for example, boys and girls learn about the physiology of the sexes, personal hygiene, interpersonal relationships in primary school. Even before they have aroused sexual interest, they are prepared for adulthood. Of course, no lecture classes and teaching aids will replace a completely confidential conversation between the daughter and her mother, father - with her son.
Both the school and parents should be engaged in sex education, by uniting together, only then the desired result can be achieved.
The goal of sexual education is the formation of sexual consciousness and behavior of people capable of subordinating their sexual needs to moral norms of behavior in society.