Parents can and should ask sensitive questions to their grown-ups( by reduction) and give useful information

And adult children have the right to either use it, or, perhaps, neglect it. They have the right to make mistakes, even tragic ones.

Young people often seek to quickly connect their fate in marriage. We finally found each other at a disco, in a university, at work. .. And they try to isolate themselves from the senior Zagsovskaya "xivoy": everything - we are married, do not meddle with us. Now we have the right to have sex as much as we want and in general we will live as we want.

But the older people "climb".So the young couple got married. Where do they live now? Yes, most often in the apartment of her or his parents. Less often they rent an apartment, even less often together they buy a new apartment for them. Anyway, the young couple is dependent on the older ones. And those willingly or more often grunt help. Investing in young capitals, the elders control them: how they spent the money, whether it was bullshit or whether they bought it, whether they went there. ..

Young people do not like it. Hence - conflicts. Young people want to receive money, but do not want to receive instruction."Teach you better than your spiders."And parents want to teach, instruct and force.

Gradually, young people increase their incomes, they become independent. And they begin to resist the morals more strongly. Sometimes it's rather harsh. Now they can even refuse to help, just not to hear reproaches that not the

there are parental money. Parents are offended. There is some alienation. Then the parents take a great interest in their belated entertainment - resorts, travel. Ur - freedom. And young people are happy with their freedom.

Time passes - and a miracle has appeared on you, a miracle. The older parents, having survived happiness: not a child, but a miracle, - give it with ryashonkami, rattles, stroller. But parents liked their freedom. And they appear around the grandson - once a month with a toy bandaged with a gift ribbon. .. And then begins: the abdomen, abdomen, grafts, diapers. .. Young people need everyday and, alas, routine help, and not admiring "utyutushenki.".. They have grown up, they are now not up to discos, not even to meet their former friends, to sleep well. .. They ask their parents, and they come with another cake now once every three weeks( "you see, we are talking to you"),.And if we already sat with a descendant, then give us this, okay, not an order, but a medal.

And what? The irritation again grows against the uncomfortable older parents. In addition, if they are sitting with the child, then they wash it. In contrast to her mother, who netnet and prikriknet, grandmother just syusyuka and it seems kinder. And the methods of upbringing, and the information that the elders put in the child, do not evoke the approval of the young. Irritation increases.

And time goes by. Older parents are older now, they need help. Pencey scanty And needing care - have become infirm. And the younger parents are sober. Their income grew. But at best they come to the elder once a month with a traditional cake bandaged with a gift ribbon. And at worst - they rent it in a dend. Everything returns to normal. ..

DDA, not humanically somehow. ..

We need to establish a process of mutual understanding between the ages in the family. But there is a lot to talk about the psychotechnics of establishing such contact, and we again refer to a long conversation on this topic in my "Labyrinth of Communication".

And here we will try to talk about what is left behind the scenes.

To increase the independence of young spouses, older parents should be treated adequately. It would make sense to recognize the autonomy of young people and establish normal mutual assistance. Life is better not together, but next, HELP