If the daughter-in-law with the mother-in-law are at war
Yes, he's worried. And his mother is dear to him, and his wife. And, according to the classification of internal conflicts of Kurt Levin( I have already mentioned this above), here comes the conflict of "approximation - approximation": I want to be with my mother and I want to be with my wife. But if you want, it quickly develops into a "avoidance-avoidance" conflict: I do not want to part with my mother and do not want to part with my wife. But it's not that "I do not want to plunge into the cool water and do not want to languish in the sun."To part with the mother who has grown in your soul and part with your wife, without which you are not a husband, not a father, not a man, not a person. .. Yes, this internal conflict will lead you late or early to a heart attack, and if you want, to a stroke, but do not want, okay, to an ulcer. ..
That's what, dear two women Each of you is dear to him in their own way. And you have to temper your selfish love. And cede part of the opponent, you do not belong.
What should a loving mother-in-law do? Remember Sigmund Freud. Oedipus complex - the attachment of the son to the mother. But she must also remember the biblical commandment: a man will turn away from his parents and stick to his wife. Erich Fromm wrote about the need to overcome the pressures that are too oppressive. Freud's term "incest" - the attachment of the son to his mother and daughter to his father - he interpreted more widely, as an attachment to relatives, even to his homeland. Excessive attachment to relatives, in his opinion, is not expedient. In short, dear mother, you gave birth and brought up your son not only for yourself. Such is the dialectic of dialectics. It is necessary to share. Love including. Love of the son including. With daughter-in-law also. And greed for good does not. In addition, do not go for it, that without a daughter-in-law you will not become a grandmother, you will not become a gross word mutter. So, your female essence will not come to the full. And you want it to be fully realized. Illegally demanding that you are not allowed - parts of the filial love that belongs to the right of his wife and his children, you are deprived of what belongs to you by right - the love of grandchildren and love for grandchildren and in general communication with them. Well, do not count all this on the computer, but in the shower. .. And try to maintain and strengthen the relationship with your daughter-in-law. Do you remember the accountant's grandmother, whose daughter-in-law has taken her son and her grandchildren to Yemen?. .
And what should the daughter-in-law wife tell her? I love this man. I came all the same from the side, to the "ready-made."Downloading the rights, I rock the boat of family happiness. No, I must say to myself that my mother-in-law has nurtured my husband, brought up the one I loved him. I should be grateful to her for that.
And. .. and yet she must understand that her mother-in-law is the best loving nanny in the world, a potential assistant in her motherhood. Of course, "my mom is the best nanny in the world for my unborn child, but his mom will soon retire than mine, she's older( if we talk about the standard version), so she can help me sooner."And in any case, both grandmothers are better than a state house, which with an inadequate hope is idealistically called a kindergarten. I will be told that his mother will retire a couple of years later than the first child will be born. But, firstly, it's easier to spin, if there is his mother, and not just "my", and secondly, there will be a second child, and there, God will give, and the third. ..
Similar "plots" are played outbetween son-in-law and mother-in-law. Mother-in-law also likes to teach life. A boy husband does not like morals. But these relations are still less tense. Still, people who are the opposite of sex. A mother-in-law - still a young woman. So it softens somehow.
But here also psychotherapeutic autosuggestions are required. For the son-in-law, the mother-in-law is also the grandmother of his child. And she, too, gave birth and brought up his beloved wife( and he should be grateful to her for this).One husband confessed to his friends: mother-in-law, guys, this is half a wife.
And the mother-in-law should be grateful to him for the fact that the family and her girl, her beloved daughter, is attached, married to a good boy. Without it, I can not become a grand mutter. And to have grandchildren is a repetition of parenthood. And grandchildren should have a dad, and not in the "hem brought". ..