jealousy between older children.
Jealousy is inevitable, and if it is not very strong, it helps children grow up tolerant, independent and generous.
In general, the better the relationship between parents and children, the less jealousy. When every child is satisfied with the love of the parents, he has less reason to be angry because of attention to his brothers and sisters.
The main thing that makes a child feel secure in the family is the consciousness that parents love him and accept what he is: a boy or a girl, smart or not, beautiful or unattractive. If parents compare him with brothers and sisters, openly or in thought, he feels it, feels unhappy and angry with parents and other children.
Tired mother, who tries to cope with the jealousy of her boys, can say: "Jackie, here's a fire engine. And you, Tommy, are exactly the same. "But each of the boys, instead of being satisfied, looks suspiciously at the toy of another in search of a difference. The mother's words reminded them of the rivalry. She seemed to say: "I bought you this toy so that you would not complain that I love your brother more."And she had in mind: "I bought it, because I know that you like it."
The fewer comparisons, praiseworthy and no, between brothers and sisters, the better. If you say: "Why are not you as polite as your sister?", You will make you dislike your sister, your mother and the very thought of politeness. And if you say to a teenage girl: "Do not worry that you do not have dates, like Barbara. You are much more intelligent than her, and this is the main thing "- you will not help her feel better.
If children can stand up for themselves, it is better for mothers to interfere as little as possible in their disputes and fights. If she finds out who is to blame, this makes at least one of the fighters feel jealous. More or less, but all children are fighting out of jealousy, out of a desire to win their parents' preference. If the mother starts to find out who is right, who is to blame, if she takes sides, it encourages the children to fight again. Everyone hopes this time to entice their parents to their side and see how they abuse another. If the mother needs to interrupt the fight in order to save the child from serious harm, or to prevent a clear injustice, or to restore the silence that she needs, she simply needs to demand that they stop, do not listen to their arguments, do not stand on either side( unless it is obvious,who is to blame), go to other cases and forget about the incident. In one case, she decisively offers a compromise, in others - something distracts attention, switching it to a new occupation.