Spoiled
Is it possible to spoil a child? This question arises quite naturally, if the child does not sleep peacefully between feedings in the first weeks, but whines. You take it in your arms and start wearing it;he ceases to cry - at least for a while. But it is worth it to put, as he cries again. I do not think you should be very worried about spoiling in the first one or two months. The chances are great that the child has a stomach ache or that he is overexcited. If he stops crying in your arms, perhaps this is because the movement is distracting or pressure on the tummy temporarily relieves the pain. If later you decide that he is too spoiled, at the age of 4-5 months the child is easy to re-educate.
By three months you need to be more careful. By three months in most cases, the former causes of crying - colic, tension - disappear.(Very few children have colic up to four to five months.) You suddenly notice that the baby no longer wakes up with spasms or with a swollen abdomen. A child who has had attacks of regular crying no longer cries or cries for long. Naturally, the children, who were all three months in their arms, are slightly spoiled. They want society, they want them to continue to be worn. It's time for you to become less compassionate. I do not want to say that you should abstain from everything. However, in the evening you should affectionately but firmly tell the child that it is time for him to sleep, and you need to leave. Even if he will cry for several minutes
There are other ways to spoil the child in the middle or second half of the first year, which the mother herself may not notice.
If parents are too entertaining the child. A little pampering occurs when the mother( or father or grandmother) is so happy to the child that most of the time when he does not sleep he plays with him: he carries it in his arms, dances with him, throws him on his lap, plays his hands, makesits laughing.(Everyone does this a little.) Gradually the child will forget how to play on his own. And when there is only one, feels abandoned, he is bored, and he cries, demanding attention. What started for the mother as fun, becomes hard work.
Parents who are too easy to concede. If the mother willingly takes the child in his arms, if he wants to whimper, then in a few months she will find that he always demands that he be worn. If the mother continues to give in, the child realizes that the poor, tired mother is under his heel, and becomes more demanding and despotic. In the depths of the soul, the mother can not be indignant, the child is not nice to her. However, this feeling makes her feel guilty, and she does not know what to do.
Some cases of spoiling. Why do some parents have spoiled children? First of all, it often happens with the first child, and almost all the first children are more spoiled. For most, the first child is the most wonderful toy in the world. If a man can absorb a new car, and a woman a fur coat, it's easy to understand what a child can absorb for months. But joy is not the only factor. Parents usually project their hopes and fears on the first-born. A new sense of responsibility for the safety and happiness of a helpless creature also plays its part. The crying of a child is a powerful call for you to do something. With the second child, you have more self-confidence and the ability to really assess the situation. You know that for a child's sake, you need to refuse something for something and do not feel guilty at heart, when you realize that you are right.
But some parents pamper kids more than others - for example, parents who had to wait a long time for the child, and they were afraid that they would not have any children at all;parents who are not very confident in themselves, becoming voluntary slaves of the child and expecting from him that he will do everything that they themselves were not capable of;parents who have studied children's psychology in the college or worked professionally with children-they believe that they are required to prove their abilities( in fact, it is more difficult to deal with a child when they are familiar with theory);parents who are ashamed to get angry at the child and try to make amends by agreeing to all of his demands;parents who get angry when they hear the baby crying, and find the tension intolerable.
Whatever the reason, all such parents are willing to sacrifice their comforts and rights to give the child everything he asks for. It's not so bad if the child's requirements are reasonable. But the child himself does not understand what is good for him. In his nature, expect guidance from the parents. It calms him down. When parents hesitate, the child also feels uneasy. If they grab him, he should squeak, as if to leave him lying would be awful - he also begins to feel that this is terrible. And the more they obey his demands, the more demanding he becomes.(A person at any age becomes more and more demanding with respect to who submits obediently to him.)
How to get rid of spoiled? The sooner you put the problem, the easier it is to solve it. But it takes a lot of willpower and strength. To properly tune, remind yourself that in the long run, excessive demands and dependence on you are more harmful to your child than you. Spoiling will make him unpleasant to himself and the whole world. Therefore, if you are trying to fix it, then for its own sake.
Make a schedule - if necessary, on paper - that would ensure that you spend most of your time when the child does not sleep, are engaged in housework. Do this job with a busy and preoccupied look to impress the child - and yourself too. When the child starts to whimper and pull your hands to you, explain to him in a friendly, but firm manner, that you have a job and that it must be done now. He does not understand the words, but understands the tone of his voice. Do your work. The first hour of the first day will be the most difficult. Some children accept the change easier, if at first they see their mother less often and she talks less often with them. It helps them to do something else. Others get used to it faster if they see their mother and hear how she talks to them, although she does not take them in her arms. When you bring a toy to a child or decide that you can play with him a little, sit next to him on the floor. Let him climb you on your knees if you want, but do not start walking again with him. If you are with him on the floor, he can crawl away when he realizes that you will not take him in his arms. If you still pick it up, it will begin to protest loudly as soon as you try to put it. If he keeps whimpering, no matter how much you sit next to him on the floor, find yourself some kind of work and do it.
Chronic reluctance of a baby to go to bed - "falling asleep on his hands". This difficulty is developing imperceptibly. In most cases, the initial cause is colic or regular angry crying. This can be considered a form of spoiling. The baby suffered from colic every evening for the first two or three months. Mother found that it was easier for him when she was carrying it in her arms. She feels better, too. But by three or four months, she begins to understand that the child no longer hurts - the crying is now angry and demanding. He wants to be worn in his arms, because he is used to it and considers it his right. When the mother sits down to rest a little, he looks at her angrily, as if he says: "Woman, work!".
A child who at night demanded that his mother wear it in his arms, accustoms himself to fall asleep all later - at 9, 10, 11 and even at midnight. Mother says that when she wears it, his eyes are closed and his head goes down, but when she tries to put it, he wakes up with an indignant cry.
Difficulties associated with falling asleep exhaust both the child and the parents. The child becomes irritable and in the afternoon, his appetite may worsen. Parents are also more and more tired and irritated. The child seems to be unable to behave this way every night. Parents understand this, but do not know what to do. Even a child, it seems to me, wearies this tyranny.
This habit is easier to eliminate if at least one of the parents realizes that it is as harmful to the child as it is for the mother and father. The remedy here is simple: to put the child in bed at a reasonable time, affectionately but firmly to wish him good night, to leave the room and not to return. Most of the children who developed this habit, on the first night, cry for the first 20-30 minutes, and then, when they see that nothing helps them, they suddenly fall asleep. The second night they are already crying for about 10 minutes. At the third they are completely without crying.
It's hard for a grieving parent to hear a child crying. They imagine the worst thing: that he stuck his head between the rods of the crib, that he vomited and he lies in the mud, that he is afraid of loneliness. Judging by the speed with which children get used to this habit, judging by how happy they are when they get rid of it, I conclude that they are crying at this age only because of anger. It's important not to go on tiptoe to see how he is there, or to convince him that you have not forgotten about him.
If a few nights of crying disturb other children or the neighbors' hearts, muffle the sound by laying a blanket on the floor and curling the window with another blanket. It's amazing how much sound is absorbed by soft surfaces.
Sometimes it's worth explaining to dissatisfied neighbors, what's the matter, to assure them that it takes only a few nights, and ask them to be more tolerant.
A child waking up at night. In this case, the child goes to bed early and falls asleep like an angel, but he develops the habit of waking up regularly in the middle of the night. Sometimes it all starts with a strong cold or ear infection;in which case the child really wakes up from pain or discomfort. In the following nights, parents immediately run up to him when they hear his whimper, even if the cold has already passed. Sometimes a child begins to wake up when his teeth are chopped. It seems to me that all children, like parents, repeatedly half wake up at night to change the pose. If the child is raised at the same time, he, apparently, learns to wake up not half, but completely, to have some fun.
If parents do not know how to put an end to this, a child can learn to wake up more than once, and several times, each time staying awake longer and longer, and respond with furious crying to attempts to lay him down. I had occasion to meet with cases when parents spent three or four hours every night with a child in their arms. This is even more tiring and annoying both the child and the mother than the reluctance to lie down.
In most cases, the treatment is very simple. The child must understand that nothing will achieve, waking up and crying. Usually this can be achieved in 2-3 nights, allowing him to cry and not coming to him. On the first night he will cry for 20-30 minutes( you will seem that much longer), on the second night - 10 minutes, and on the third cry will not be at all.
My experience recommends another precaution. A child should not see his parents when he wakes up. If he sees them, even when they pretend to be asleep, he gets angry and gets an incentive for a more loud and indignant crying. It is necessary to put him to sleep in the
another room, separately from his parents, for at least a few nights, until the bad habit is disposed of, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. If this is absolutely impossible, put a screen or hang a curtain so that the child does not see you. Read the other paragraphs in the previous paragraph.
A spoiled child can vomit. Some children vomit when they get angry. The mother usually begins to worry and shows it externally: she rushes to clean the child, tries to be gentle with him, quickly turns her attention to the child when he cries the next time. The child learns this lesson and next time will try to cause vomiting intentionally when he gets angry. In addition, vomiting starts to frighten him, because his mother is frightened. It seems to me that the mother should take it easy to vomit if the child uses it to achieve their requirements. If she tries to overcome his reluctance to go to bed, you need to continue to seek his way and not give up. And you can remove later when the child falls asleep.