What is the whining of children?
A whiff can take a variety of forms. You've probably found yourself in situations similar to those described below.
Sniffing
"Mom, well, you said yourself that two times you will play with me in a lotto, once in a" sea battle "and two more times you will read to me the" Little Mermaid ", if I behave well, while youtalking on the phone. I did behave well, did not I? "
Mom promised to play with the child and read to him a fairy tale in exchange for good behavior and this made a serious mistake. Now the daughter believes that she has the right to manipulate her mother, her tone is already heard discontent notes, she is determined to start hysterics, if my mother does not fulfill at least one of his promises.
Asking whining
"I'll do lessons on Saturday night, just buy me this computer game!" You told the child that you will not buy new games, but he tries to get what he wants and bargains with you, promising good behavior in return. Sometimes what the child offers may even seem acceptable, but do not be deceived - this is just another kind of whining.
Breathing from despair
"Well, please buy me this dress for a school disco! I will not go into what you bought me earlier, because everyone will look at me like an abnormal! "The girl is in despair. She hopes that her mother will help her. After all, a "good" mother should buy everything her daughter needs to ensure that she is not among the peers a black sheep. Only the "bad" parents remain deaf to the pleas and sufferings of their children.
Feeling of self-pity
"I will not play football, because I can not do anything."After such words the parents embrace pity for the child, the heart breaks: they do not know how to help him, what to do. Parents are afraid and agree with the son, as it means to recognize him as weak, and disagree, because if the boy really does not work out, it will come out that they insisted and pushed him to failure. Once in such a desperate situation, the parents give up and allow the child to dictate their conditions.
Sniffing
This kind can be attributed to almost any whining: "This weekend, you must definitely go to Aunt Anne and pick up the jacket, which I left it. I promised to let her abuse Jessica, and if I do not fulfill her promise, she will not be friends with me anymore. "Then the tone can change, the accusations will follow: "Well, let's go soon! I need to pick up the sweater! For me, it's very important, but you do not care! "Usually parents give in, so long as the child is silent.
The examples listed above are typical for older children who already know how to speak well. Babies who do not talk or speak badly, achieve it by means of groaning, weeping, discontented snoring. It's all nagging. Therefore, parents should develop a clear strategy, how to act in this or that case.
DO NOT COME ANOTHER!
Many will say that the behavior of Kathy, described above, is justified and Andrea should pay more attention to her daughter. Working mothers often feel guilty, because they spend little time with their children;they tend to yield to their demands and easily succumb to blackmail with the help of whining.
However, note that when Katie gets what she wants, the problem does not disappear. On the contrary, when the mother remains with Katie, the girl continues to whine even more insistently. Andrea complains: "The more time I spend with Cathy, the more dependent and less independent she becomes. I do not know what to do, because crying and sobbing for any reason keep me in constant tension. I'm very sorry for Cathy. "
The problem is not that Andrea spends little time with the baby or that she is a bad mother. A woman gets caught in a trap of insecurity and guilt( her weak spot) every time, but she does not know how to get out. Instead of analyzing the situation and taking a weighted decision, Andrea lends herself to emotions. She perceives every sob of a daughter as a cry for help, which a real mother can not leave without an answer.
Leaving the aching child, parents fall into a closed cool. Children learn very quickly that if mom or dad says "can not", then you just need to ponnye longer and louder - and they will change their minds. That's why adults must change their attitude to the child's behavior. Often parents give in to requests after having conducted so-called "educational work" - they shouted at the child, read him a lecture or made fun of him in front of his friends. This is completely wrong. If nagging is not timely prevented, children become real virtuosos: they know what to do and what "pain points" to push, so that parents act as they want.
Thirteen-year-old Olivia admits she is constantly arguing with her parents."But so do all my friends," the girl explains.- If my mother says that she will not let me go outside until I do my homework on mathematics( and I hate mathematics!), I answer that she should know: it's easier for me to study in the morning after a glass of Coke. And when my mother once again begins to say that drinking soft drinks is bad, I just do not listen to her and run off to the street. So I always get everything I want, and I do not do what I do not want. In the night our dispute lasts a very long time, until my mother is completely confused and will not forget how it all began. Then she surrenders: "Okay, go, but no more soda in the morning!"If I get bored with whining and arguing, I just promise that this will not happen again, but then I still do it my own way. "
Sparring and snarling to gain independence, the teenagers show their disrespect for their parents. Endless unpleasant talk and hassle make adults give up, family life becomes unbearable.
Here's how Olivia's mother describes the situation: "My life is like a bad movie. Everything repeats from day to day, and neither I nor my daughter enjoys communicating with each other. "We have before us a typical example of permissiveness and lack of mutual respect. The reason is that the mother can not find a consistent and effective way of communicating with the daughter.