Monogamous family: crisis or evolution?

Panic conversations not only of philistines, but also of domestic demographers and sociologists about the family crisis can not but surprise. What is fueled by such pessimism? As a rule, during the last century the same factors are cited: the number of single men and women is increasing, the number of divorces is increasing, the birth rate is decreasing, more "incomplete" families become more numerous, extramarital relations are intensified, etc. Let us consider two of the indicated empiricalregularities - divorce and fertility.

The divorce curve has continuously grown throughout the current century. Thus, in 1913, about 4 million divorces were registered for 95 million Orthodox population of the Synod, by 1990 the population of the country had grown approximately 3 times, and the number of divorces was more than 240 times.

The value of divorces is estimated by experts ambiguously. Quite often, divorce is interpreted as a threat to the family, emphasizing exclusively negative consequences primarily for children. From the second half of XX century.the dissolution of marriage began to be perceived as an integral component of the modern family system. Awareness of the fact that divorce is not a cause but a symptom of a marriage crisis leads to a shift in the emphasis in research on the informal stability of the family. The same tendency is connected with the reassessment of divorces, recognition for them and positive moments - a means of ending conflicts or settling a new family situation.

No matter how divorce is judged from the standpoint of morality - evil or good - the formulation of the task of preventing it is unpromising. It is necessary to recognize as doubtful attempts to explain growth of a curve of divorces by any private factor. And the motives themselves divorce, and the subsequent self-reflection of ex-spouses can not shed light on the true background of the termination of marriage. One part of women describes the post-witched situation in a warm tone( the health has blossomed, the health has improved, self-confidence has appeared, has got prettier and gained weight, etc.), the other - operates with exceptionally cold tones( I wanted to divorce, but I do not feel liberation, after divorce -loneliness, inferiority, this is similar to the funeral of a true friend, etc.).

The increase in the number of divorces is, in my opinion, not least determined by the transition from "matchmaking" as a way of marrying to individual selectivity, or more broadly, to a fundamentally different type of family relationship. The freedom to choose a partner implicitly implies the freedom to dissolve a marriage if it fails.

Another actual family problem is the problem of fertility.

To deny a sharp decline in the birth rate would be absurd. Thus, in Leningrad in 1990, 62% of the total number of births were first-borns of young mothers. The share of births of second and subsequent children decreased. And it worries;The first child practically appears spontaneously, his birth is not planned in most cases. Compared with previous years, as follows from the same source, the number of births in women younger than 20 years increased by 2% and in juveniles by 11%, that is, the increase in the number of births occurs only in those cohorts where sexuality is not directly related toby a procreation.

The fact of a decrease in childbearing, therefore, is beyond doubt. How can this be explained? The overwhelming majority of researchers attribute the fall in the birth rate to the sharp deterioration in the socioeconomic situation in the country. And in this there is some truth. For even in those countries where the socio-economic situation is incomparably better, small families are the majority( for example, in Germany or France).Hence, I insist, all of the listed processes, including divorce and procreation, are mainly conditioned by the historical type of the family.

As early as the beginning of the 1980s, I hypothesized the existence of three ideal historical types of monogamy( see: Golod SI Stability of the Family: Sociological and Demographic Aspects, Leningrad, 1984).This idea did not go unnoticed. Some specialists( Antonov AI, Borisov VA) betrayed her anathema;others( Harutyunyan M. Yu., Zaikina GA, Malyarova NV) - saw in it a certain heuristic principle. Almost a decade passed, and now a few demographers and sociologists began to develop the concept of the diversity of family types."The historical type of the family - both old and new - sets only common boundaries within which the family models corresponding to this type can be realized. .. This diversity has a twofold foundation. On the one hand, it is connected with the ongoing transition to the modern type of family, on the other - with the post-transition pluralism of its forms "(AG Vishnevsky, M., 1992).Not all of the above is undeniable. The main thing is the recognition of the plurality of ideal family types and the actual diversity of their forms.

Analysis of the family, like any system, has two vectors: one aimed at revealing the internal mechanism of its functioning and the interaction of elements;another - in the world surrounding the family, the interaction with which is its external functioning. If much attention has been paid to the relationship of the family and society in the domestic scientific literature, the study of immanent patterns has remained in the shadow. The transfer of the research focus to its own patterns set the task of unconventional definition of the concept of "family".

A family is a collection of individuals consisting of at least one of three types of relationships: blood relationship( brother-brother, brother-sister, etc.), child-bearing( parents-children), properties( husband-wife).The nature of these relations( roughly speaking, authoritarian-egalitarian) can, in my opinion, serve as a criterion determining the stage of development of monogamy. Following this logic, it is possible to construct three ideal historical family types: patriarchal( or traditional), detocentric( or modern) and conjugal( or postmodern).

The most archaic type is patriarchal. He relies on the wife's dependence on her husband and children from her parents.

This type arose as a result of the overthrow of the maternity right. One of the illustrations of the transition from the maternal to the paternal kinship account can be the custom of "kuvad"( from the French cuvade - hatching of eggs), found in the primitive tribes of Africa. After the permission from a burden the woman at once starts the daily activity, the man is put to bed. He imitates contractions and postnatal delicacy, he is carefully looked after. The father thus demonstrates his decisive role in the reproduction of the offspring.

The supremacy of the husband, in particular, is manifested in the fact that economic resources and the adoption of basic decisions are concentrated in his hands. In accordance with this, there was a rigid consolidation of intra-family roles. It would be a great simplification to believe that the eradication of the economic and moral priorities of the head of the family and accompanying customs is easy. On the contrary, there are many evidences pointing to the complexity and inconsistency of this process. We are faced with a practical variety of traditional forms. According to MG Pankratova, in the Mari family, for example, the head of the family( indicated by 4/5 of the respondents in the 1970s) is a man. Family etiquette is preserved. The wife and mother of her husband try to emphasize the prestige of the man - the head of the family. The wife respectfully speaks about her husband( at least with guests and strangers), gives special attention to the father-in-law and mother-in-law. In the home, more than 90% of families retain the inherited division of work by sex. Persistent and sincere veneration of traditions is found in Georgia.

Estonian sociologists compared the answers of students of indigenous nationality from Tartu and Tbilisi universities regarding their family orientations. Young people were asked: Are premarital sexual relations possible for men and women? Students from Tbilisi answered - only for men, the majority of students from Tartu did not see in this respect the difference between men and women. Every third Estonian student regarded the divorce as a natural phenomenon. Only 2% of respondents expressed such a judgment in Tbilisi. One third of Georgians answered that they never thought about the possibility of a divorce. And, finally, the following question: if a conflict arose between the spouses, how should it be resolved? From the point of view of Georgian students, the last word is for a man. According to young people from the University of Tartu, the couple should discuss the causes of the conflict and only then make an agreed decision if possible. The conclusion is transparent: the young people of Tbilisi are primarily focused on patriarchal values.

Even more revealing are the traces of the classical form of a traditional family in the Central Asian region. Along with the customs already described, the indigenous population also finds more ancient ones. For example, a rite of public demonstration of the sheet after the first wedding night is still in progress( mostly true in rural areas).

In Russia, patriarchal principles, although not in such a frank form, are also tenacious. Let me remind you of two patrilineal traditions: the daughter-in-law changes her family name to her husband's surname;When the name of the newborn is used, the register of family names.

Another central axis of the family: parent-child relationships. In the traditional family, for many years, absolute parental authority and an authoritarian system of upbringing prevailed.

There are no fewer rituals in the relationship of generation, than in marital relations. And yet, one of the customs is fairly stable - "matchmaking".V peoples, professing Islam, in most cases, marriage contracts are still concluded between parents;young people become actors only after that. According to Muslim norms, the will of parents is a law for children, even if it is directed against their interests. One can only wonder at the naivety of local demographers and ethnographers, who, disguised as a dubious ideal of family stability, are inclined to defend all patriarchal orders without exception. Here is a typical passage: "... directing the point of ideological and educational work against the purchase and sale of the bride( kalym), one can not ignore the connection of this custom with the elements of the tradition of respectfully subordinate attitude of the children to the elders, and especially to their parents, with the setting of a peculiar strengthening of marital-maritalrelations and the institution of the family as a whole. "

So, the meaning of patriarchal monogamy can be simplified to two principles: rigid sex-age subordination and the absence of individual selectivity at all stages of the family cycle. These principles are subject to revision in the current century in different national regions with varying degrees of intensity. And when today the crisis phenomena are underlined, then, we must understand, it is primarily about the traditional type of family. In fact, the emancipation of women and all the accompanying social and economic changes have undermined( but not liquidated) the foundations of authoritarianism, and as a result - the growth of the number of divorces, the decline in the birth rate, the revaluation of the concept of "virginity," etc. Many researchers have seen in these trendsthreat to the family in general and began to actively call for the restoration of patriarchy. Do not be mistaken in this regard: attempts to resuscitate it as a mass form are doomed to failure.

Since the second half of the XIX century.in Europe a child-centered type of family is formed. It is characterized by the elevation of the role of private life, the sensual side of marriage and intimacy. More or less equal relations between husband and wife led to the emergence of a stable dependence of expressive satisfaction on marriage, on the one hand, and on the other - to the realization that sexuality practiced within the boundaries of marriage is not reducible to procreation. All this leads the couple to think about the need to plan the birth time of children and their number. Because of this, the reproductive period is limited to a short time( within 5-10 years) and the birth of one or two children. The coveted child turns into an object of parental love and a stable affection. Thus, the custom of having many children went into oblivion.

The decision on the number of children is taken, mainly by the spouses themselves. The possibility of external pressure, as practice shows, even carefully developed measures of demographic policy( for example, such as the French after the Second World War) are extremely small. It should be emphasized that the detocentric family by nature is of little child.

In our country, the behavior of parents, motivated by intimate and emotional attachment to children, has become widespread since the second half of this century. Even in a village family where children have been neglected in the recent past, since the 1960s many parents, including those who have graduated only from primary school, dream of giving their children the greatest possible education. According to the statements of the majority of the villagers interviewed, the children are the main meaning of the family. Changes in this direction have also been noticed in the Central Asian region. According to a local ethnographer, in the Kyrgyz family, however modest its budget, funds are sought for clothes for children, cinema visits, etc. Many parents are eager to give them education and a specialty.

Raising material and spiritual cares for children is a positive phenomenon. However, the hypertrophy of debt, supplemented by a departure from the ascetic tradition, sometimes leads to opposite results. Harms and excess of tenderness. This can be observed in the study of neurotic children. According to clinical studies, mothers of children suffering from neuroses, in contrast to the mothers of the control group, rarely communicate with the child on an equal footing. They impose their views on him, not allowing the child to show independence.

I'm not afraid to make a mistake, arguing that a child-centered type of family is an essential step in the evolution of monogamy. However, the best proof is a detailed consideration of the nature of marital relations, and then of the relationship of generation.

The emergence of selectivity in the pre-marital period predetermined a new family strategy. If the choice is the basis of the personality( BF Porshnev), then the joint residence of the husband and wife in the absence of ritualized expectations and unambiguously fixed roles requires the adaptation of their individual plans and behavioral stereotypes relative to each other. In other words, a number of closely related adaptive relations must arise, each of which in greater or lesser extent( but necessarily in a significant way) affects the stability of the individual family. Indeed, judging from my empirical materials( survey 1978, 1978 and 1989), there are seven adaptation niches: spiritual, psychological, sexual, informational, related, cultural and everyday. These niches have a mobile hierarchical structure, the shifts in it are predetermined by the stage of development of the individual family. For example, in the initial stage, that is, between the time of marriage and the birth of a child, the hierarchy is spiritual, psychological, sexual and cultural. At the next stage, the "cultural" is replaced by the "everyday" one. It would seem that the idea of ​​multivariance and hierarchy of the adaptation syndrome is trivial, but nevertheless it is practically ignored to this day. Specialists who are interested in family problems often hypertrophy one of the adaptive parties. As a rule, the one that corresponds to their scientific profile, and underestimate the rest. A number of works appeared that attributed a special place to the psychological compatibility of the spouses."Unity of views, emotional mood, achievement of mutual understanding, approximately the same assessment of life situations, the requirement for cooperation - all this comes to some extent in the concept of psychic compatibility."Here is an extensive interpretation of "psychic compatibility", which encompasses alongside the actual indicators of the "psychological"( emotional system, character properties, type of temperament) elements of spirituality and culture( unity of views, assessment of life situation).However, even the adoption of such a boundless interpretation of the "psychological" leaves behind its framework a sexual, domestic and related adaptation. What caused exactly this idea of ​​self-sufficiency of psychological compatibility?

Human activity in an industrial city is known to be regulated by formalized rules, norms and behavioral stereotypes. Relations in the sphere of production are regulated by technological standards and statutory requirements, the violation of which automatically entails disorganization of the labor process. Being outside of the enterprise, the individual faces another, but in principle, an equally faceless system - a household one.(An illustration of this thought can be the seller-buyer relationship.)

Another area of ​​activity is leisure. In his spare time, it would seem that a great opportunity opens up for revealing the person's personal potential. But in fact, leisure in large cities is in principle mass. In it, cultural forms were developed that could unite completely unfamiliar people for a short time. They require a small space for each participant, suggest only a minimum of preparation and are not designed for communication( sports extravaganza, variety shows, movies, etc.).

In these conditions, the family turns out to be a universal community where, in the daily informal contacts of spouses and parents with children, with a favorable relationship, the lack of personal communication is filled and thus the negative psychic and emotional energy dissolves. If there is no psychological compatibility, this leads to persistent conflicts and distress( for example, "flight to illness").

No less important indicator of the individualization of spouses within the family is the measure of their sexual adaptation. Even relatively recently in the domestic scientific literature was widely believed that sexual adaptation in general does not have a significant impact on marriage. In the last decade this view has been actively revised. Moreover, some sexologists, based on the increase in complaints about sexual disharmony, according to the law of the pendulum, "swung" to the opposite extreme: they began to consider disharmony as the main cause of conflicts and divorce. On what is this statement based? Probably on clinical observations. But in fact relatively few men are being treated by doctors and even fewer women. At the same time, we must recognize that in marital relations the harmony of the body is as important as the spirit. And the road to harmony is thorny.

Under conditions of economic polarization of the population, one can not ignore the meaning of household adaptation. I have already discussed with those specialists who directly linked housing conditions, income level, the saturation of household life with mechanisms, improvement of the service sector, etc., with the intensity of conflicts and divorces. It is difficult to say what in these statements is more: a naive belief in the omnipotence of technological progress or the inability to penetrate into the many-sided world of the individual. After all, it's no secret that since the mid-1960s most of the townspeople began to live in separate apartments. But nevertheless this circumstance did not entail a reduction in the number of divorces. On the contrary, the divorce curve steadily tends upward. Why?

In the XX century. The growth of Russian cities occurred mainly at the expense of the villagers. Migrants of several generations, being the main tenants of communal apartments, brought with them the spirit of the community. These principles, apparently, not only helped to alleviate family tensions, but also maintained a low rate of "comfort"( according to the custom - "not stand out").Moving to a separate apartment contributes to the crisis of communal ideology and the formation of a polyvalent idea of ​​comfort, which now depends to a decisive extent on the real social status of the individual and the sense of his personal importance. Although the role of comfortability of everyday life increases, but it affects indirectly through the "built-in" in the system of marital and parental relationships. By itself, a comfortable life is not a guarantor of family stability. According to my data, among spouses who reached a high level of sexual expression, more than 60% are psychologically adapted, in every third pair these relationships are tense and only 7% - were incompatible. Or another touch: 3/4 of men from the total number of those who are convinced in full spiritual understanding with the wife experience sexual intercourse with her, the rest - satisfaction. Among the spiritually unadapted spouses, the level of sexual responsiveness of wives( according to husbands' assessments) was distributed as follows: less than 40% - high, 44 - satisfactory and 16% low. From all that has been said, it follows that, on the one hand,.between the adaptive niches there is a close relationship. In short, if there is no psychological, domestic or spiritual compatibility, it is difficult to expect, say, sexual harmony. One can not fail to notice the relative autonomy of the adaptive channels from each other, which, I believe, is due to the diversity of human needs and ways to meet them.

I dwelled in detail on only three components of the adaptation syndrome, since further detail( for example, the disclosure of the role of branched family relations) will not give any increase in knowledge.

Until now, it was only an external behavioral layer of relations. Deeper - intimacy( intim - internal).In the domestic scientific literature the concept of "intimacy" is often used as a euphemism of sexuality. Apparently, this is an inheritance of traditions, coming from orthodox Christian morality, which related to the intrinsic value of physical intimacy is openly hostile. When it is said about intimacy as an attribute of a family, it is implied that the individuality of the husband and wife( respectively parents and children) not only does not oppose them to each other, but, on the contrary, thanks to the consonance of existential values ​​promotes closer rapprochement. Figuratively speaking, conjugal intimacy( which, of course, concerns the generation relations) can be imagined as a kind of monad, combining two individuals, thus forming a qualitatively different affinity than adaptation. In the instrumental language, intimacy is mutual sympathy, disposition, appreciation and erotic attachment of husband and wife, parents and children.

It seemed, if intimacy really promotes matrimonial satisfaction, then it, in all likelihood, should be associated with the whole adaptive fan. And indeed it is. The survey data indicate a correlation of the "intimacy" parameter from at least four components of the syndrome: psychological, spiritual, sexual and informational. Therefore, the values ​​of adaptation and intimacy do not simply co-exist, but constitute a single structure that unites the husband and wife both along the external behavioral perimeter and through intrapersonal channels, thus forming a private lifestyle. Look: privacy provides in an age of intense contacts to any person( from factory workers to presidents) a unique opportunity to remove the mask, to become at least temporarily yourself.

From all of the above, the image of the child-centered family seems more attractive. And although there are certain grounds for such an opinion, however it is not worth illusions. Eventually, this family is constrained, the manifestation of the personal potential is limited, which is most evident in the line of parents - children. At the same time, we must not forget the following. Here the ideal type is represented, in real practice its forms are diverse. After all, even such a unified, family-determined type of family, as patriarchal, is heterogeneous. The possibility of deploying the diversity of the detocentric type is inherent in all three lines of relations, the ambiguity of the mechanisms of adaptation, intimization and their interaction.

In recent decades, there has been the emergence of yet another type of monogamy, which I provisionally called conjugal. In this kind of family, the strategic attitude is determined not by kinship( as in patriarchal) and not by parenthood( as in the detocentric), but by property. You can understand this. The norm of family life is changing: parents in such a family refuse to completely subordinate their own interests to the interests of children. Incidentally, I note that the recorded movement is regarded by some researchers as one of the fundamental, defining the face of modern civilization.

The married family is historically the least stereotyped education. If we bear in mind its mature stage, it offers unique opportunities to move away from the dominance of dependent relationships and the disclosure of an active palette for all the structural components: husband-wife, parents-children, spouses-relatives, children-grandparents. In other words, within the boundaries of one family type there are various and rich relations between the sexes and between generations, the possibilities of individual self-realization for all. This general idea, in order to be adequately perceived, requires refinement.

First. Why are there special hopes for marriage, was it not in the past? Yes, it was not. Needless to say, the couple, that is, the husband and wife, at least in a European civilized society, constituted the foundation of the family. But I'm not talking about spouses, but about marriage.

Marriage is the personal interaction of a husband and wife, regulated by moral principles and supported by immanent values. I emphasize the noninstitutional nature of communication and the symmetry of the rights and responsibilities of both spouses. This, by the way, points to the historically recent origin of this phenomenon. In fact, the principles underlying the marriage could be realized only as a result of social changes accompanied by the individualization of men( expansion of selectivity, internal responsibility, strengthening of self-control) and the extension of the indicated qualities to women, which would be impossible without their economicand civil emancipation.

The second clarification is related to the decipherment of the values ​​of the postmodern family. Apparently, there is no particular need to prove the commonality of the "roots" of the detocentric and matrimonial type. They are based on the same - the institution of courtship. Hence, it is not surprising that the two basic values ​​- the adaptation syndrome and intimacy - coincide. At the same time, between the modern and postmodern types of the family there is an essential difference. I will give a simple example. Somewhere in ten or fifteen years of living together, the wife( husband) is only going to open her mouth, and the husband( wife) can say with great certainty what will be discussed. This moment is dangerous: the marital partners are well adapted, and therefore easily predict the reaction of the other, which opens the way for alienation. In a child-centered family routine often contributes either to shifting the emphasis on the relationship of generation, or to the involvement of one of the spouses( sometimes in parallel) in drunkenness, drug addiction, sexual debauchery. All this, of course, is fraught with conflict and divorce.

In the post-modern family, an antirutin mechanism is developed - autonomy.

It is important not to forget the truism: a socialized person is autonomous in some limits, in the technogenic world there always remains a place for variations and independent solutions. The higher the level of civilizational and cultural development of society, the brighter the member of such a society recognizes itself as an individual, the more urgent is the need for isolation. The consonant tendency can be traced in the family. Here, in particular, autonomy is expressed in the fact that the interests of each of the spouses are wider than the family ones, and the circle of meaningful communication for each of them goes beyond the scope of the marriage. Their emotional aspirations are regulated not so much by customs, traditions and external prescriptions as by individual representations, aesthetic ideal and moral values.

Concluding consideration of the immanent base of the postmodern type of family, I will note the interdependence and complementarity of the mechanisms of stability( adaptation, intimacy) and development( autonomy).Indeed, our empirical evidence has revealed a close positive relationship between intimacy and autonomy. So, the overwhelming majority of men who reached a high level of intimacy, reported that wives actively encourage their identity, only one in ten emphasized the opposite. A mirror image was obtained with low intimacy. In principle, the same trends were found in women: in the first variant - 50% against 20, in the second - 4% against 80. At the same time, one can not overlook one seemingly insignificant nuance: even with complete spiritual disposition, husbands are less likely toencourage and are more often disposed towards the moral and emotional autonomy of wives.