The goals of whining children
Children are aching for a reason. Here is an example:
Sandy loves her four-year-old son Joey very much and tries not to deny him anything. Yesterday grandmother came to visit, and they, along with Mom all day in every possible way entertaining Joey.
The boy began to ache all morning. At breakfast it turned out that his favorite cereal was over, and he did not want to eat anything else. Grandmother immediately ran to the store for flakes for her beloved grandson. After eating a couple of spoons, Joey pushed the plate aside and said that he did not want to eat more.
Joey offered croutons, but they also did not want to. Then my mother and grandmother decided that the boy was "not in the mood", because, perhaps, a little sick.
It's time to go to the kindergarten, but Joey began to cry, saying that he did not want to go there, and grandmother suggested: let them stay at home. So, the boy stayed with his mother and grandmother.
Mom and grandmother always tried to cheer Joey, but the south did not work. They went to the store and bought the boy a toy, which he asked, and then went to his favorite cafe. But Joey was still unhappy, whining and whimpering. Despite this, my mother and grandmother were pleased with the way the day went by-the boy did not roll hysterics!
WHAT JOY
WANTED AS MUCH Like most parents, Sandy is sure that Joey's requirements are absolutely fair. The child needs breakfast, so a good mom should cook food. If the baby requires a certain product, a good mom should buy it. In other words, one demand follows another and so on without end.
At the same time, mother does not notice or does not want to notice that she is constantly tense and focused only on the child. She does not seem to see that the son is becoming more demanding and capricious, he thinks only of himself.
Sandy thinks the problem is in the flakes. In fact, with the help of whining Joey subordinates adults and is convinced of their own worth: if the grandmother runs to the store for cereal for him, then he really is an important person!
Neither mom nor grandmother taught Joey to understand how his behavior could affect others, so the boy used to think only of himself. Breakfast, kindergarten, toys, going to a cafe is an "arena of fighting", and whining is a way to attract attention to yourself and make sure your influence on adults.
So that children understand that they need to think about others, they must learn to empathize, take care. Kids are not whining because they are bad, but because whining allows them to get what they want and feel their worth.
No one explained to such children that there are better ways to realize their own importance - sympathizing and helping others. Indulging in whining, parents deprive them of the opportunity to play a positive role in the family.
Many children simply do not know that you can assert your position in the family without whining, because they have been cherished and cherished from the very beginning. Parents are mistaken, not allowing the child to perform feasible work, because he does not know how to do this or is still too small. Another common misconception is that children are allegedly unable to understand and respect the feelings and experiences of others.
Children can and should participate in day-to-day affairs. They are quite capable of helping adults do housework( washing, cooking, cleaning, etc.).
By removing the child from domestic affairs, we thereby diminish his role in the family. As a result, he will try to attract attention to himself and self-assert with the help of whining.
We agree that most parents come from work tired, irritated and tense. It is clear that in such a state to engage in a child, and even more so that it is very difficult to explain to him. The easiest way to put the baby in front of the TV, while mom and dad do not prepare dinner. Parents choose a momentary calm and an opportunity to relax, without thinking about what it will result in a few years. By postponing for an indefinite period the teaching of children to basic skills of mutual assistance and mutual understanding, we thereby lay the foundation for serious problems. Of course, the one-year-old kid can not perform the job as quickly and qualitatively as an adult, but it is better to give the child to try to do something than to deprive him of such an opportunity.
Mutual mutual assistance and mutual assistance will not appear by themselves. If the baby is constantly suspended from participating in family affairs, then he will look for other ways of self-affirmation. Every child should feel important and indispensable.
If the child wants to help, do not cast him out with the words that he is too small, can not do anything and just gets in the way. Give him a feasible task - then whining in your home will become much less.
You will be helped by educational techniques, which we already mentioned:
• Cause and effect - effective for children of any age. Your reaction to whining should be immediate and consistent.
• Calm tone helps to find a common language with the child in any situation."Formulas for effective communication" are especially important when you explain to the child why he did wrong and how to behave.
• Participation of children in family matters should be normal. Start small, gradually complicating assignments and giving the child more independence.
The above techniques can be used both together and separately. Participation of children in family affairs is the basis of harmony and mutual understanding in the family. The correct reaction to whining and a calm tone is connected to it. The unity of these techniques helps to bring up responsibility for children, to teach them how to work together and respect others.