Children's failures

No one likes to lose money, but for a child any failure can seem much more tragic than for us from our own, adult point of view. These are the facts: a teenager can even attempt suicide for fear of failing in exams, although it is obvious to us, adults, that a failed exam is not the end of everything. Sooner or later your child will inevitably suffer in some way a failure. Maybe with the exams everything will be just fine, but he will fail the change for the driver's license, or he will not get into the football team, or his friends will not take him to his musical group, because he has no hearing( I went through it).

As I said, for you all of the above can not equal the end of the world. But I did not accidentally put this rule in the "crisis" section, because for the child this situation may well become a real crisis. And maybe, for you too - imagine, for example, that your child failed the mandatory school examinations. What will you feel? But even if for you the current situation( for example, if your son is not taken to a rugby team, which you are just happy about) is more relief than sorrow, you still need to be able to look at her through the eyes of the child, in order to be able to help him.

If you just tell him that nothing terrible has happened, that you can try again and so on, then in fact you will say that his feelings are nonsense, and he should not be so upset. In this case, the child will feel humiliated and misunderstood, and do not expect that he immediately waved his hand and said: "Of course, I'm a fool, all this is nonsense."

So what should you do? Do you have to tell a child that something has failed, that his despair is absolutely just and his life on this can be considered as finished?

Well, not exactly, but close to that. You must allow the child to feel as bad as it seems adequate to him, to say that you understand why he is so upset, and that this is not at all surprising. Be sympathetic and understanding. You know yourself - hug hard and bring some delicious tea. It would be nice with chocolate cookies. You can cook your favorite dish for lunch so that he can understand that you are worried about him. If you allow the child to stay a little bit in the role of a tragic hero, then soon enough he will certainly find the strength to begin to get out of the quagmire of emotions, and then you can offer him a helping hand and something in compensation. Just do not rush the natural course of events.

Remember: if your five-year-old is not lucky at a sports festival in kindergarten, or if an almost seventeen-year-old daughter does not score points in the university entrance exams, you should treat it like a crisis if that's what they perceive.