From dissimilarity to congeniality
Differences between men and women are known to be traced in several plans: biological, physiological, psychological. Physiological differences are so fundamental that until relatively recently it was thought that they were exhausting the differences between the dows. It never occurred to anyone to look for deeper, functional, sex differences. But in the last ten years, biologists have suggested that the female and male sex have their own specific functions in the transfer of genetic heritage.
The female gender "knows" by preserving the permanently inherited qualities of the species, possesses a long-term memory and transmits from generation to generation the main features of the species that have emerged during the long evolution of mankind. The female sex can be compared to a well-stocked book depository, which contains the most valuable knowledge that people have ever obtained. Women are a kind of "golden storehouse" of heredity, ensuring the invariability of offspring.
A special genetic mission in the male. They are, as it were, an advanced detachment of a population that takes on a collision with the new conditions of existence and forms new pitiful tendencies in this encounter. Significant influences of the surrounding reality and deviations from the habitual way of life are reflected in the offspring through the intermediary role of men. For example, biologists have discovered that alcoholic heredity is transmitted along the male line, while the female line reproduces the evolved vices of early evolutionary models( that is, the network of people who lived in the distant past).
Because male individuals "take" unfavorable environmental influences, their fetus is less resilient. He is more vulnerable, more easily dies, which is revealed in the first three months of variability. Female fetus is more stable. The primary ratio of the sexes( at the conception level) is this: for 100 females there are 120-170 males. The ratio of the sexes is decisively influenced by the condition of the father."Gentle" mode of sexual life, conception after a sufficiently long abstinence lead to an increase in the birth rate of girls, and the regime of intense sexual life is for boys.
The secondary sex ratio( at birth) changes: for 100 females, 103 females are needed.107 male. More boys are born dead than girls. Up to 15 years, the difference in mortality between boys and girls is negligible, and after 15 years it significantly increases. During this period, the mortality rate among adolescents and young men is associated with road accidents, various injuries and suicides. Behind all this, there are men's reckless courage, imprudence and a passion for risk.
The increased vulnerability of males persists throughout their life. Today it is well known that the mortality of men in different age groups is higher than that of women.
As a result of these and other factors, the tertiary sex ratio( in the adult state) changes in favor of women, that is, in the long run, their population is always somewhat larger than that of men. For example, in the sexual structure of European countries, North and Latin America, Australia, the preponderance of women is about five percent.
Increased vitality of women is reflected in life expectancy. It is known that they live and average longer than men. The average life expectancy and 1986 in our country was 65.7 in men in the city, 63.5 in the countryside, 74.2 in women in the city, and 72.6 in the village.
To the psychological differences between women and men, rational science, or poetic inspiration, often outstripping scientific discoveries in the field of spirituality, nor penetrating everyday common sense could not be chosen yet. Who dares to draw a definite line between the male and female principles and who will say exactly what femininity and masculinity are?
Nevertheless, every normal person almost intuitively senses and realizes the mass of psychological differences between the representatives of the two sexes. Is not it strange: there are differences, but does not it make sense to explain them to anyone? Scientists from different countries have repeatedly attempted to identify differences in the psychology of men and women. Soviet physicians DN Isaev and VE Kagan analyzed an extensive literature on this issue;some information from their book, I think, will be of interest to our readers.
First of all, it should be borne in mind that, scientific data does not always confirm the prevailing ideas in our minds about the differences in the psychology of the representatives of both sexes. One can confidently say only that men are more aggressive, boys outnumber girls in mathematical and visual-spatial operations, and girls have higher language abilities. Previously, we have been outlined, but we need to clarify the differences in the general level of activity, competitiveness, the desire to rule, sensitivity to touch. Girls and boys show different traits, such as obedience and care, fear and anxiety.
But even those differences that are detected with a greater degree of reliability depend on the circumstances. In some cases, the differences are leveled, muffled.
For example, can we assume that women are always less aggressive than men? As shown by foreign authors, aggression is not conditioned by psycho-physiological prerequisites, following, but, by nature, men and women are aggressive to an equal degree, but behave differently. Men do not hide their aggressiveness, while women suppress it because of their inherent anxiety, guilt, the ability to enter the emotional states of another. And in some situations, both men and women demonstrate the same aggressiveness. In general, in boys, with age, it increases more noticeable than, girls. Stereotypes of aggressiveness are assimilated especially actively after 6 years, together with sex-role stereotypes of behavior. And it happens that the girl behaves quite aggressively, because she has better learned the boyish type of behavior, and the boy is less aggressive, because he had under the influence of education, girlish features and habits.
Scientists also note the differences in the activity of mental activity relating to its content: in men it manifests itself in self-assertion and self-expression, in women - in communication and the establishment of emotional contacts. Girls and women are more responsive to other people's experiences, they are emotionally, and not rationally understand the other, more empathize and sympathize. However, the willingness to help a person is more apparent in boys and men.
Soviet scientists L. Gozman and Yu., Aleshina studied the influence of self-assessments of men and women aged 20-22 years on love relationships. Men with high self-esteem more often than men with a low, reported that they enjoyed success with women, repeatedly fell in love themselves, had many novels. Girls with high self-esteem rarely fell in love, later began to have sex, believed that true love they have not been. Consequently, women with high self-esteem in the love sphere are less fortunate than the same men.
In interpersonal relationships, women show greater emotional interest than men, impulsiveness combined with some malevolence and exaggerated readiness for self-defense. They are less self-centered and less authoritarian. To invade the familiar circle of a new man, women react easily and habitually.
Men, however, the appearance of women in the "personal space" perceive more aggressively. Both men and women, the new actor of the opposite sex, are primarily evaluated in terms of sexual attractiveness.
Women are more diplomatic and courteous, which is explained by their more subtle sensitivity to external influences and a more subtle evaluation of their own responses.
A man is easier to "read" in mimicry, a look, he hardly hides his state and in this sense is more primitive. A woman is more secretive, if necessary she can find the right words, intonations.
Men and women have different sensitivity to rudeness, injustice and meanness. Women are much more worried about them, and this leaves its mark: women are sarcastic, capable of wounding a word. Men are cutting, but do not seek, putting in their words a secret meaning, to hurt a partner in communication.
Women speak more men, their speech is less categorical, more often there are euphonious words, laughter, cries, unfinished phrases. They talk mainly about home and family, and in their speech more emotional and positive evaluations. The speech of the man is more coarse, in it, as a rule, there are more obscene and jargon elements, they talk mainly about business and sport, more often they make hostile judgments and use the methods of discussion, dispute, lectures, commands and statements.
Differences in the subject of conversations are observed already in childhood. The English psychologist A. Haas studied the speech behavior of four, eight and twelve years old children and showed that boys talk more about sports and leisure with each other, and girls talk about personality, school, desires and needs. Girls in conversations with boys often laugh and say pleasant, while boys scream and demand. According to other studies, boys are more likely to interrupt girls, girls are more likely to ask, to ask for less, to make statements and initiative proposals less. Boys from an early age are more sociable than girls and are more inclined to broad communication, and girls - to the formation of closed microgroups. Male communication is more subject and "instrumental" than expressive. Communication of girls is more passive, but more friendly and inventive. For boys, the content of activities is more important, for girls - sympathy.
The difference in the content and manner of communication between boys and girls is aptly noticed by S. Mikhalkov. Remember his poem about the guys in the yard: "I have a nail in my pocket. Here! "- command one of the characters. This brief information tells us a lot: about business and preparedness for action, about the value of acquiring and about the spiritual connection with the adult world, about pride in oneself and advantage over other boys who have nothing to boast about. In response, the girl presents her "amazing" news of typical everyday content, decorated with sentimental details: "And we have a cat today gave birth to kittens yesterday. The kittens have grown a little, but they do not want to eat out of the saucer. "
But back to the scientific data on the differences between the sexes. They also concern the perception of life events. It is generally believed that women experience them with great sensitivity and severity, but studies performed abroad do not support this conclusion. It turned out that, for example, women-administrators are experiencing professional stress more easily than male administrators. Men are more likely to attribute responsibility for success and failure to themselves, rather than to any external circumstances;women more often refer to fate than to their own abilities and skills.
Men are more emotional than they are about death, it causes them associations with fear and disgust. For women, the "harlequin complex" is characteristic - death seems mysterious and somewhat attractive.
It can be assumed that some differences in the psyche of men and women have arisen as a result of the specificity of their work activity that has evolved in the course of historical development. It is not excluded, for example, that the advantages of women in speech activity and memory are associated with the teaching of babies speech, because this process is associated with repeated repetition of individual sounds;words and phrases.
Another example. It is well known about the superiority of men in the coordination and motor activity of large movements and, on the contrary, the advantage of women in small movements and sleight of hand. The activity of a man as a warrior, hunter, farmer could promote the development of large, sweeping movements. The activity of women in everyday life( cooking, caring for children, weaving, sewing, etc.) had a greater impact on the development of small movements of hands and fingers.
Sex differences due to traditional views on male and female professions are seen in career counseling and motives for choosing a profession. Let us cite some data obtained by various Soviet researchers.
To the merits of the profession, young men are more often considered the opportunity to realize their abilities, to create and be original, to benefit the national economy, to gain position in society, to earn well and secure a quiet future. Girls are attracted to the opportunity to constantly improve themselves, to be useful to people. Boys appreciate the prestige of such professions as a scientist, an electrical engineer, a mathematician, a physicist, a civil engineer, a mechanical engineer, a mechanic, a chauffeur, and girls prefer the profession of psychologist, philologist, chemist, doctor, economist, teacher.
Here, for example, what motives do school leavers put forward, explaining the great focus of girls on the pedagogical institute: the female profession;tradition;girls have a natural talent as a teacher;they have stronger affection and love for children;in the teacher training university exams are easier, girls are easier to do;a youngster is closer to technical specialties;they are ashamed of the profession of the teacher, consider this work to be frivolous;for boys in the profession of the teacher there is no romance.
Differently, the representatives of the strong and the weaker sex regard some working conditions and communication in the production. When applying for a job in a research institute, as evidenced by the data of psychologist E. Chugunova, for women an important factor is the comfort of this institution( compared, say, with the plant), and for men - the opportunity to engage in research and write a dissertation.
In the process of production, as noted by psychologist V. Semenov, women are less satisfied than their male counterparts with their workmates, but higher satisfaction with relations with the administration. Psychologist A. Prokhvatilov found that in the life of men, the role of the production team grows with age, and the role of women in the role of the family.
These are some scientific information about the differences in the behavior of men and women. Everyday practice shows much more variety. I will venture to identify a number of differences, as they seem to me in life, while ignoring at the same time known, verified by the researchers facts.
As noted, the female gender is responsible for the stability of the species, women are more tenacious, hardy, stable. These their biological properties leave an imprint on all behavior and lifestyle. I think, therefore, they are looking for constancy and certainty( especially diligently behind the mental trait that separates their childhood and adulthood), they are also more consistent and insistent than men. At the same time, women noticeably change with age, they are formed by marriage, motherhood and other life circumstances. Men, according to my observations, are more likely than women to be psychologically stable: throughout their life they almost do not change their initial personal properties. For example, a man is serious or infantile from childhood to the end of his days.
This does not mean that men are not able to adapt to the surrounding reality. They do this by adapting themselves to the situation, taking for what corresponds to their abilities and characteristics. Women themselves adapt to the circumstances, so they better adapt to social conditions and rules, show more flexibility.
As the male sex is responsible for the development of the species and is more in touch with the environment, men tend to live with thrills, spend most of their time outside the home, their activity and creativity are realized in the external environment - in industry, in science. A man seeks risk, whereas a woman tends to follow established rules. It, it seems to me, is usually conservative in science and production, but progressive in everyday life, in the economic sphere.
A woman lives her inner world, listens to him, finds in him excuses and incentives for her actions.
Having decided on a bold step, for example, having left her husband to another, a woman seldom suffers from remorse, because her deed is for her the most moral decision. The man, leaving the family in the name of the beloved, constantly mentally returns to the motives of the deed, and his conscience knows no peace.
In her early youth, a woman looks for and, as a rule, does not find her ideal. Gradually, her claims fall, dreams of the mysterious prince evaporate, and she reconciles with reality, sometimes stopping her choice on the complete opposite of the ideal of youth. A man never creates an ideal for himself, in search of which he could wait and limit himself. He is endowed with the ability to create a "princess" from any attractive woman, as they say, in the course of events. In his head he is not ideal, but the type of woman he is capable of loving and under which many real persons can "fail".
Demanding proof of love, a man insists on physical intimacy, and for a woman, spiritual contacts and purely external manifestations of attention to her are more important-flowers, gifts, gentle appeals-all that a man views as an insignificant symbolism.
Often a girl is given not to someone she loves, but to another, under the influence of sudden emotions or persistent persuasion. Sometimes, she fully realizes that the man who has fallen in love, has no merit, is low and stupid, nevertheless she fanatically reaches out to him. A man in such circumstances behaves differently: he can not strive for a woman who condemns for emptiness and primitiveness.
A smart woman is able to become attached and even fall in love with a man for his dedication, loyalty to the chosen cause, creative abilities, without first experiencing a sexual attraction to him. The feelings of the same men are based on the sexual attractiveness of the partner. Primitive woman behaves according to the male stereotype - she ignores the intellectual and spiritual virtues of a partner. ..
It is appropriate to recall one of the tales for adults V. Shefner. Sergey's wife( that's the name of the hero), being a petty bourgeois at heart, embroidered cats, swans and deer on the rugs all her life. She did not like her husband, she married Sergey because he had a separate apartment, and also because she graduated from the Institute of Horse Breeding and did not want to go to the periphery. The husband reached out to his wife, not noticing her primitivism and lack of feeling for him. Since Tamara herself was a boring woman, she and Sergey considered the person boring, uninteresting and not outstanding. And he was a modest genius, at leisure he was engaged in inventing. His devices and designs could hit anyone, but not his own wife. For example, to unload the room, Sergei came up with an APID - Antigravity Local Action Device. Thanks to APID, he could work on the ceiling, installing his desk there, so as not to interfere with the ever-dissatisfied wife. He invented special skates, on which you could slide on the water. The unit of the Invisible Presence - ANZPP allowed to conduct observations of nature and people within a radius of thirty-five kilometers. The top of his invention was the device that brings youth back to youth.
And what about Tamara, his wife? She left him, taking her rugs, to the middle-aged man, the former director of the cemetery. What can you do - love of evil. ..
Another typical case - when a woman loves one, and leaves for another, unloved, explaining her act so: the one to which she left, unconditionally accepts her with all the shortcomings and sins, whilehis beloved was critical of her. Thus, our modern woman often prefers not to love herself, but to be loved, if mutual feeling is impossible. A man, it seems to me, will try to change himself in the name of feeling for a woman, in any case will not go from beloved to unloved.
The love of a woman is beneficial and merciful, so she is able to devote her life to a man of poor health, with a physical defect. Once again, this extraordinary feeling of sacrifice appeared to us today, when many girls marry boys who were injured or injured in Afghanistan. Men, with rare exception, are not capable of courage of heart, it is difficult for them to love a woman with a physical disability.
If a woman is gentle and affectionate, then it is by nature;stale it usually make up or unsuccessful sexual experience. A man becomes gentle and affectionate when in love. There is an abyss of feelings in them, they need only be awakened. A cold woman can not be inspired, except that she will play along in "love."
A woman, as she deepens her relationship with a man, increasingly becomes attached to him and wants to marry. The man gradually becomes cold and irritated. Once in a marriage, a woman often becomes passive, and the man moves away to a respectful distance and begins to show indifference.
Having achieved a woman's favor, the man calms down, for now he is absolutely sure of it. Remember the lines of one of Shakespeare's sonnets:
I met you with a song, as a greeting, When love was new for us. ..
A man is not able to talk all the time about love, after reaching its climax, he revels in his inner state:
I love, but less oftenI talk about it, I love it more tenderly, but not for many eyes. Trades the feeling of one who is before the light All the soul exposes.
On the contrary, a woman at this stage of the relationship needs more and more confirmation of the love of a man, otherwise she loses her composure.
From the woman's point of view, it's surprising that a man gradually and she relates to the external environment, before which he does not want to reveal his soul. Women are more open and require self-disclosure from a partner.
If a man likes a woman, she becomes timid in his presence and emphatically creates a distance, shuns the company. Left alone, bitterly regrets that she "blocked" herself, curses the fool and the touchy one. With a man to whom she is indifferent, she can joke, allow some liberties, humorously hug and smack, alarming and pushing away the one who really likes her. A man, as a rule, starts methodically conquering a woman, without making any passes to the side.
In the house, a man keeps his usual comfort, and therefore, after leaving the family, he can return to it after a while. A woman, as a rule, leaves her husband once and for all, hoping to find a new support in life. Most likely, a man seeks comfort, and a woman - security.
After separation, a woman lives with memories of good, but can take revenge on a man for the offense, keeping in such a strange form a spiritual connection with him. The memory of women's feelings is long-term. A man quickly forgets both good and bad, and in case of a grievance he just changes the subject of his passion.
There are significant differences between men and women in the intellectual sphere. At the same time, men are distinguished from women not so much by the quantitative indicators of intelligence, as by the characteristics of their organization, which are revealed only by special tests and are hidden from perception at the everyday level. As stressed by the Soviet psychologist Academician B. G. Ananiev, it is not at all about "who is smarter".
Both male and female intelligence have their merits, and it seems to me that their mutual complement provides, the most effective survival of the species. And the presence of more and less intelligent among men and women is the condition for the most effective joint activity of people. Imagine what happens if everyone becomes equally intelligent. Joint activities will become impossible, for all will want to command, make a final decision, no one will wish to obey, be led, perform secondary and third-tier roles. Or imagine everyone was equally unintelligent;this would mean the absence of options for thinking, alternative ways to solve problems, the impossibility of their critical evaluation and comparison. The lack of anticipation of the options for the planned actions is a sign of the degradation of the intellect, wherever it manifests itself - at the level of the central government, enterprise or family.
When one of the spouses in a family is smarter than the other, different solutions to everyday problems, different options and styles of actions are proposed and discussed. But both sides must demonstrate the necessary flexibility of mind and character.
Recently, scientists have paid special attention to the study of brain energy activity in men and women using electroencephalograms. It was found that differences in the EEG are poorly manifested up to 10 years, at 10-13 years the female brain is ahead of the EEG characteristics in the development of the male EEG, and by the age of 15 this ratio is changing, the male brain in its development is ahead of the female. Girls often have fast and relatively fast rhythms, combined with their desynchronization. And this determines the emotionality, impressionability, softness, that is, what is associated with the notion of the female type of behavior.
In the field of intellectual activity, it is easier for women to receive and capture knowledge, it is easier for men to reproduce them. In men, the ration of lisation is laid, they constantly invent something. But it's unclear why: whether their minds can not be without business, they are lazy and invent all sorts of innovations and adaptations in order to work less. In any case, where a woman will patiently continue the routine work, the man will try to make improvements.
Thinking in men is more abstract and symbolic, for women - specific, therefore they are tendentious, subjective, personified, that is, they look at everything through the prism of their "I".
Female logic inherent horse racing. Under the impression of detail, a hint, a flash of thought, the whole plan of intellectual and emotional attitude to what is happening suddenly "folds" and the woman unexpectedly, sharply( from the point of view of the man) commits an action that the man seems illogical and rash."Suddenly" she collects a suitcase and leaves her beloved, starts a scandal or rolls up a tantrum, makes a "reckless" purchase. But it turns out, the solution matured gradually, the brain gradually "accumulated" the emotional charge.
Sometimes the "folded" inner intellectual and emotional action is realized so suddenly that it seems that the woman has lost her mind. A typical example of the practice of drivers of transport and traffic police: an elderly woman can watch herself carefully at her feet, walking along the sidewalk, and immediately, without hesitation, quickly run across the street, at the risk of getting under the car passing at high speed.
One friend told me the drama of his life. The woman who loved him and whom he loved, twice threw and betrayed him, which led to the final rupture. And every time for him it was a complete surprise. It seemed to him that some of the details of their way of life and relationships were not of fundamental importance for life together, while each of them experienced deeply emotional emotions. The woman's mind could not withstand the pressure of emotions, which was manifested in deeds that transcended the boundaries of decency. As a result, the woman outraged her feelings and condemned herself to suffering. She looks very much like an old woman who, at the risk of her life, suddenly runs across the street in front of the very nose of a rushing car. In general, a risky form of behavior is inherent in many women with a strong nature.
A man often can not put himself in the place of a woman - however, he does not need it and does not want to do that. Trying to comprehend the logic of a man and his actions, a woman always tries to be in his place, but does not understand why he did this. Her entire intellectual and emotional world prompts other actions and thoughts, which is not surprising, but quite natural.
The fact that the female mind and intuition, as some researchers believe, are inherent in the operation of an inductive plan: from the private to the general, from details and individual characteristics to their holistic coverage. In addition, the operation of the transition from particular to general is carried out with emotional inclusions, "stops" for experiencing. A woman, of course, knows the logic of things and the essence of the circumstances, but gradually and with emotional "splashes".The man first of all lives by reason, and besides his intellectual operations unfold in a different sequence - from the general to the particular. First, it covers the meaning of the phenomenon or the situation as a whole, then isolates the details and details, if it matters. At the same time, he does not "stop" in order to emotionally survive particulars and stages of mental action. If emotions arise, then due to external circumstances, when someone objects to him, does not understand, underestimates.
We will confine ourselves to just one simple example of how difficult it is for a man and a woman to understand each other. The husband and wife in the late hour are at the tram stop: there is no transport and no. He suggests: "Let's go through one block, there will already be a bus and a trolley bus, we'll leave faster." The male brain "worked through" the situation and, ignoring the particular - it's still necessary to go through the quarter, "issued" the corresponding decision. The wife answers: "No, so many stood, the tram should finally come up. Only move, he will roll. "The female mind was obsessed with particulars - "they stood so much", "they should come up", "just go-roll".Spouses can quarrel because they do not understand each other's logic. Similar situations with many variations occur in the communication of men and women almost every day.
The female mind is more practical, calculating, whereas a man more often behaves naively in matters of everyday practice. It is in this, I think, the conflict from childhood to the familiar heroes of the Pushkin fairy tale "About the Fisherman and the Fish": the drama is mixed with the differences in the structure of the intellectual behavior of men and women. The old man personifies the impracticality of the mind: he is not only a beggar, he is not only unable to keep a house in order and tidy up, but he can not benefit from the present case. And the most destructive for family well-being is that he did not learn to predict the attitude to his wife's events. Having lived with her for thirty years and three years, did not understand her practicality, did not understand her desires. If he knew and understood, but did not want to give up principles, then why did he tell the "great miracle"?I would not say it to avoid a family conflict.
Differences in male and female psychology arise both on the basis of natural preconditions, and under the influence of the traditions of upbringing, accepted in society standards of behavior.
In particular, the analysis of the peculiarities of raising children in the software of various ethnic cultures showed that in most of them( 82-87 percent) boys are forced to be more active, independent, and girls are more often encouraged to cook,percent of cultures), greater honesty and responsibility for their behavior( 61 percent of cultures), greater sociability and comfort.
Gradually these differences in psychology are becoming less noticeable, because hybrid forms of behavior are intensively spreading-masculinity in women and femininity in men. The leveling of psychological differences occurs under the influence of social and living conditions, which is noted by Soviet and foreign researchers.
English psychologists Ron and Robert Rapoport show a number of changes in the traditional orientations of husbands and wives: women become less, and men - more home-oriented, but the family as a source of life satisfaction is more important for women than for men. Thus, the differences between men and women in relation to the family remain, but their content varies..
Sociologist N. Yurkevich, studying the views of men and women on the family, found that women more often prefer to have a family than live alone. Men found a closer relationship between satisfaction with marriage and job satisfaction.
In the process of interviewing more than three thousand Leningraders, I found differences in the attitudes of men and women on the number of children in the family: women want to have more. There are also no opinions on the question of when it is better for young spouses to acquire the first child and what prevents one from having another. These data are confirmed by other specialists.
It should be noted that modern family education contributes to the preservation of gender differences to a certain extent( although in general they will be leveled out, as will be discussed in the next section).Teacher A. Ushakov believes that family conflicts affect boys and girls unequally, and more often cause negative phenomena in boys. This is explained by the fact that girls are more under the influence of mothers, who are more often moral than fathers.
About the differences in the process of education of boys and girls, wrote a psychotherapist AI Zakharov. Mother, he notes, in relation to the girls three times more often showed a permissive and permitting type of control. In relation to boys, they were twice as likely to detect a hard( restrictive) type of control as compared to the permissive and permissive.
Differences in the education of boys and girls affect their value orientations. Sociologist V. Lisovsky as a result of a survey of more than two thousand young Leningraders found that young men are dominated by vocational educational and romantic-cognitive settings, girls have family and household. According to the sociologist of Feinburg, in the formation of value orientations of men, such factors as job satisfaction, promotion, creative activity, fun pastime acquire great importance. Women appreciate the family-household factors - love, children, family happiness, etc., and the moral factor is a clear conscience.
As you can see, the differences in the psychology of men and women are very diverse. However, some of them are poorly understood by the spouses, and some even escapes from the sphere of attention. And where is the guarantee that these unconscious or unaccounted differences will not cause nervous tension and conflict?
In order to improve the psychological climate in the family, both the husband and the wife must understand the swap features, similarities and disparities of individual qualities, habits and inclinations, as less as possible show those that the partner does not accept, and, on the contrary,that they satisfy him, stimulate in him the manifestation of the best qualities of mind and character and are useful for matrimony.
Try to assess the degree of their similarity with her husband in various ways. Below are suggested various judgments, positive answers to which indicate a mismatch of your features, habits and behaviors. Having found out the differences, you can outline for yourself a program of actions to strengthen family relations.
Think about each situation: should you focus on the identified mismatch, how to act in this or that case - to forgive, to understand your husband, to ask yourself to change the line of behavior, to find out the cause of the revealed differences, etc.
The manifestation of the intellect: 1. I often have the conviction that my husband and I talk differently about the same thing.2. It can be difficult for me to understand what my husband wants to say.3. Sometimes a spouse finds it difficult to grasp my idea.4. Sometimes he does not understand simple things.5. It takes me out of patience that the husband often hovers in the clouds, impractical.6. Sometimes I am amazed at the absurdity of his logic.7. We often argue irritatedly for trifles.8. Husband is very uncomfortable person.9. He sometimes makes such decisions that I am amazed.10. I sometimes surprise my husband with my decisions.11. Irrelevant antics in the spirit of my spouse.12. My actions sometimes also seem to him illogical.13. It is sometimes difficult for a husband to imagine himself in my place and understand the reason for my actions.14. It is also difficult for me to exchange places with him and understand him.15. I think that I have a more practical mind than my husband.16. Sometimes I feel ashamed before my husband for my stupidity.17. It often turns out that I misunderstood her husband.
Habits, skills, style of behavior: 1. Differences in our habits with our husband cause tension and conflict.2. We have different manners to behave in society, at the table, in the company.3. The difference in our upbringing is so noticeable that it upsets me( or my husband, or both).4. Differences in temperaments have a negative impact on our relationship.5. One of us
allows himself the catchwords, epithets, which cut the ear to another.6. The husband, in my opinion, likes to interfere not in its entirety.7. Straightness in our relationship with my husband causes vexation, stress.8. It is not enough for me that the husband finds himself interests mostly outside the family.9. A husband has no dignity, for which he could respect him.10. One of us( or both) is critical of the small shortcomings of the other.11. We take a different attitude to the offense( I remember longer than my husband, or vice versa).12. We have different leisure activities.13. After marriage, I discovered the shortcomings and weaknesses of my husband, whom I had not noticed before.14. The spouse, having lived with me for some time, found in me flaws and weaknesses.15. A spouse often surprises me with actions that I did not expect from him.16. Some qualities of my husband cause an inner protest in me( propensity to drink, rudeness, infidelity, deceit, etc.).17. Some of my qualities cause my husband to protest.18. One of us is sociable and the other is closed.19. We differ significantly in character( one kind, flexible, independent, another evil, ruffed, dependent, etc.).
Manifestation of feelings and emotions: 1. It often happens that: what worries me, leaves her husband indifferent and vice versa.2. It's a shame that my husband forgets to give me small attention signs - to give flowers, say compliments, notice a good mood, etc. 3. It often happens that I have a good mood, and my husband has a bad mood, or vice versa.4. We have a different emotional tone with the husband: one is usually cheerful, the other is sad.5. It is rare that a word or an object causes the same memory, mood, feeling.6. My husband and I rarely have a "feeling we".7. The same weather( sun, rain, cloudy day) affects me and my husband in different ways.8. I noticed that one of us is more impressionable, reactive, emotional than the other.
Attitude to life, people, things, problems: 1. My husband and I have different attitudes towards life, its meaning and joys.2. We treat people in different ways.3. It often happens that we express different views on important things, problems.4. My husband's philosophy of life is alien to me.5. Our views on the processes taking place now in society, differ significantly.6. We evaluate the future of the family in different ways.7. In my family life, I estimate a lot differently than my husband.8, We have a disagreement with her husband about the chosen job( he does not like mine or I do not like his work).
Intimate relationships: 1. We rarely get mutual satisfaction.2. Some of my wife's intimate habits annoy me( or vice versa: my habits irritate the spouse).3. One of us coldly perceives another.4. Tenderness and affection( mine, or spouse, or both) are monotonous, boring.5. One of us could calmly dispense with affection, while the other one needs it.
Relationship to business cases: 1. My spouse and I are experiencing different responsibilities for the state of economic affairs.2. One of us has more sense in matters of economy than the other.3. We often have conflicts on the basis of farming.4. We have disagreements about how to spend money.5. Sometimes one of us expresses dissatisfaction with the purchase made by another.6. Some home problems seem important to me, and my wife - a trifling, or vice versa.
Relation to relatives and children: 1. We often disagree with my husband about the upbringing of a child( children).2. The educational methods of her husband cause me to protest.3. We have divergent views on the future of our child.4. We disagree about how many children are best to have in the family.5. We often argue about what to buy a child, how to dress it.6. I believe that the spouse makes mistakes in the relationship with his son( daughter): spoils, unjust, rude, etc. 7. My husband and I have disagreements about what kind of relationship to support with relatives.8. We have different attitudes towards some of our friends and acquaintances.
Attitude to art and literature: 1. We prefer different movies( I like melodrama, and my husband - detectives, etc.).2. I like some actors, and my husband - others.3. My views on contemporary literature differ markedly from those of my husband.4. In one magazine we usually read different publications.5. We prefer different writers.6: My husband and I have different tastes in the field of painting.7. I notice that music acts on me and my husband in different ways( one she cares, the other is indifferent, one loves jazz, another classics, etc.).
8. After watching the performance in the theater or on TV, my husband and I usually have different opinions.9. Houses, as a rule, are silent, because we have different interests, there is nothing to talk about.10. My husband and I have different levels of general culture, knowledge in the field of literature and art.