The phenomenon of bonding is the basis of harmony
Imagining himself as a supernatural being, a person remakes nature according to his own understanding. He created science and began to trust only her, ceasing to trust nature. Throughout the evolution of the living on earth, the mechanisms of growth and development of the living being were debased, leading to the emergence of a rational man. And this person crosses the existing laws to please his speculative conclusions. Especially strongly it affected children. The conditions for their bearing, birth and early infancy seem to be called upon to prepare them for life anywhere, but not on Earth or among humans. Science declared pregnancy a disease, science isolated the woman in childbirth from the family, science decided that the child is safer without a mother immediately after birth, science generally ceased to consider the newborn a full-fledged person. This same science gives us a lot of recommendations, what should we do with our "unfinished" child. Do not rely on the fact that there is even a parental instinct in animals. Now science is replacing it. And it's no wonder that every animal "knows" what to do with your baby, and an enlightened person raises children by books.
The natural approach is based on the bonding phenomenon. Bonding is an invisible link between the child and the mother, through which they continue to be a single unit after the birth of the child. Bonding is something that allows a mother to understand a child's language, something that fills every clumsy gesture, grimace, every sound that comes out for her with concrete content. The mother must "know" her baby, she must "know" his needs and his condition. And she "knows" it through bonding.
"Bonding gives an intuitive, psychic type of relationship between mother and child. Bonding is a process of feeling that is inaccessible to discursive thought, language or intelligence."
J.C. Pearce gives the following remarkable examples of bonding that enable us to understand what is being said: "In my book" The Magic Child "I told about the American mother Jane McKellar, who watched as newborn children in Uganda wore straps near the mother's chestThe diaper was not used and, since the babies were always clean, Jane asked the mothers how they manage urination and bowel movements. "We just go into the bushes," the mother answered, but how, Jane asked, will you know when a tiny baby needsVCbruised mothers answered: "And how do you know when you need to go to the bushes?" In Guatemala, mothers also carry their newborn children in the same way, and if the newborn still mates the mother in two or three days, the woman is considered stupid and badmother ".
Bonding is not something that can be trained. You can only make it happen or not."Bonding, however, is a biological process, it involves a direct, physical connection between our middle brain and our beating heart."
Actually, bonding occurs from the very beginning of pregnancy. A woman does not just bear a child. In it, changes take place that allow it to exercise the function of motherhood. Feelings intensify, intellectual activity becomes dull, intuitive perception intensifies. Feelings and intuition - these are the tools that allow you to feel the child, understand his needs. Bonding relationships are formed if the mother naturally follows all the changes taking place in her, and accepts them. This is the period when you need to withdraw into yourself, into your pregnancy, into your child. This is a period of unknown until now sensations, strange dreams, incomprehensible signals. The woman ceases to be just a woman. She becomes a mother.
Any violence against this process, rejection of changes, the desire to live outward, intellectual overload-all this violates the bonding process. The child, being not yet born, is already. .. deprived of his mother. How many today in the mother belts are hanging out street children. Because moms are full of everyday worries, moms work, moms have their own interests, moms can not even remember that there is an ebullient in their belly, requiring their most basic attention.
Childbirth, the first minutes and hours of a baby's life is a particularly important period in establishing bonding. The nature's natural course automatically leads to this. And here we note two factors - the state of the mother at birth( largely determined by the conditions in which she gives birth) and the satisfaction of the elementary needs of the child in childbirth and immediately after birth.
During childbirth, the mother is in an altered state of consciousness, which under normal conditions, with a certain psychological preparation and positive attitude, has the character of a peak experience capable of greatly transforming the worldview. At this time, what can be called an intuitive consciousness is activated. The child supports this process by throwing a large amount of hormones into the mother's blood. The nature of this peak experience is very important for establishing bonding. The shock condition caused by the conditions of labor in modern maternity hospitals and psychological unpreparedness, most often leads to the imprinting of births as a negative experience and, as a consequence, to a weakening of bondage. An important role is played by the practically mandatory use of medicines, which disrupts the hormonal balance and the natural course of the process.
The first minutes of a baby's life, just passed through adolescent birth circles and plunged into this frightening and incomprehensible world, are extremely important."For the kid this world is frightening, its diversity, its enormity are driving the little traveler crazy. .. Birth is a thunderstorm, a hurricane, and a child is shipwrecked, destroyed, absorbed by the rapid tide of sensations that he does not know how to recognize."It requires help, protection. Who will do this best? Of course, mother. Pushing him to his chest, it partially returns him to his former conditions of existence. Maternal warmth, the beat of her heart, soothe the child, telling him a sense of security.
The mother provides the infant with a so-called contact-comfort, which is of great importance for his later life. This contact-comfort is the primary source of positive emotions. The feeling of comfort and safety coming from the mother is an unimportant factor in establishing bonding.
After the birth of a child, its soma-gensensornaya system should be activated. In many animals, this is achieved by licking the mother of their newly born cubs. EM Rutman and NV Iskoldsky note that "significant violations of behavior and emotionality arise from the fact that the somato-sensory system( like any other), being deprived of a normal influx of impulses, becomes anomalously excitable."In addition: "... the skin-and-muscle sensations in the first period after birth are the main source of impressions, in which the surrounding world is represented by a baby, and the main source of positive emotions."Contact with the mother provides this "normal influx of impulses."To break this first contact is to destroy bondage.
Today, a hurricane of birth for a newborn is replaced by a new hurricane - an early pinching of the umbilical cord, a bright lamp, slaps on the buttocks in order to cause a cry, a rough sucking out of the nose and mouth, stretching to measure growth, etc. Instead of feeling the maternal skin, the rubber gloves of the obstetrician, cotton wool, removing the original grease. And immediately in diapers. In stillness. Without a mother.
Bonding relationships encourage the mother to feel and satisfy the child's natural needs, which is the condition for his development. The need for love and affection, the need for maternal warmth is one of the most important. It is amazing that today's mother, tormented by doubts - to take or not take the child with her to bed, stuffed with stupidities about "wrong sexual education."
Bonding is an important condition for the formation of positive personal qualities."Attachment to the mother is a necessary phase in the normal mental development of children, in the formation of their personality." She promotes the development of social feelings such as gratitude, responsiveness and warmth in relationships, that is, all that is a manifestation of truly human qualities. "
However, it is necessary to distinguish between bonding and simply attachment. Affection of mother and child exists in any case, bonding - no. Bonding is more than affection."Attachment does not perceive the subtle or intuitive signals that precede a physical event, but are always realized after the fact."Bonding is the ability to flow with events at a predictive, proactive level. Attachment is an attempt to analyze, predict probability."Bonding uses attachment just as intelligence uses intelligence."
The relationship between mother and child in early infancy is a model of his further relationship with the whole reality that is imprinted in the child. Meeting love, attention to one's needs, satisfaction of one's natural needs, the child learns to perceive the world as his home. If they love him, he learns this love. If one feels his needs, he learns to feel the needs of others. Perceiving the confidence of the mother, he gets a sense of security, and together with him the self-confidence, in its capabilities, is formed. If the natural needs of the child are not satisfied, if he does not meet enough love, if he is constantly transferred to the anxiety and uncertainty of the mother, he learns to perceive the world as something cold, deaf to his needs, hostile, dangerous, unpredictable, where one can never be in somethingconfident. Such a world is a bad house, it needs to survive, to achieve the most elementary, life is a struggle for existence.
"Since numerous data indicate that it is the early development that largely determines the development of the brain, we can assume: the ratio of positive and negative emotions in early childhood will affect what will happen in the" subsequent ratio of the nervous structures that command these and other emotions. Something like teaching joy and pleasure. .. Sufficient development in the early age of pleasure structures prevents too much subsequent development of structures of fear and aggression. .. ", note E. M. Rutman and N. V. Iskoldski" Brain structures,the satisfying state of pleasure, and the structures associated with the state of rage, fear and depression are antagonistic, are in relation to "or-or."
Only the bonding ratio lays the foundations of environmental thinking. Only the idea of the world as a home, a sense of unity with it leads to a life of harmony. The feeling of this unity is determined by bonding. The bonding relationship with the mother gives a bonding relationship with the world, a direct sense of it, an intuitive perception.
A simple attachment relation does not give this intuitive feeling, which in the future is forced to be compensated by the intellect. Intellect becomes the main instrument of understanding the world. Our whole culture is built on this. Try, however, to understand the newborn intellect. Perhaps you too will come to the conclusion that it is better to separate it from your mother.
The modern attitude to procreation and early infancy leads to the fact that from generation to generation we lose bonding relationships, leaving only one simple affection. This affects the nature of the relationship of people with each other, with nature, forming a modern culture. But although bonding has a biological basis, it should always be remembered that a person has a huge creative power - his own mind. Conscious parenthood, awareness of the mission of parenthood and the essence of the child are processes closely related to the re-consciousness of one's life in general. This re-awareness creates the preconditions for bonding. The connection between mother and child is always there. And even in the most unfavorable conditions( for example, when the mother and child are separated), by their attitude, due to the psychological attitude, their spiritual state, the mother can fill this connection with the necessary content.