Should we teach politeness?

Politeness, according to experts, was created primarily in order to hide the true feelings, more precisely, that the true feelings do not affect the external manifestations of the relationship. And that's why when children are taught to say polite "thanks" and "please", they do it first of all for the sake of our desire to look good( in fact, it is not a question) before people, to show the upbringing of a son or daughter. Children, not knowing how to explain this inner background, nevertheless perfectly understand it.

The accustoming to courtesy is very similar to upbringing. In fact, there is a huge difference between them. True upbringing is possible only when spiritual forces are spent on it. When teaching politeness, nerves are spent. You can educate only by loving the child, teach politeness - not only not loving, but even hating. Polite and outwardly sensitive you can make a person coerced( depending on the sensitivity of the seller's salary, it is possible to achieve an excellent result), but to develop a cordial ear, internal culture by this method is impossible.

What mistakes do parents make when raising children? Here is the specific situation described by Soloveitchik."My mother teaches my son the most important concept -" not. "He touched the hot, cries. Mom teaches: "See? Painfully! Listen when mother says "you can not."Otherwise it will hurt. "And so at every step: "You can not, you'll fall!", "You can not break it!", "You can not, you'll catch a cold!", "You can not, the teeth will ache!. ."

But the true "impossible" is not when it hurts, and when it hurts another! Aimed at the other, the feeling of the other is the first condition for the development of the heart hearing. .. "

. .. So that the child learns to feel another, it is necessary to recognize this other in it. My mother decided to cultivate diligence: "Give. .. Bring. .. Help. .." Teaches you to love: "I'm so tired. .. Have pity on your mother. .. Show me how you love your mother. .." What example does the child seebefore yourself from the first days of life? Before him is always a man( yes such an authoritative one is Mom!), Who constantly complains, gets tired, needs help, can not go himself and take a thimble, does not consider it shameful to handle petty requests every minute. So, I, too, can complain, make it difficult for others, and if it hurts, loudly declare my pain - let mother suffer too!

And my father's words are quite different: "Mom is tired, let's help her!" After all, this phrase does not sound a complaint, not an appeal to help me, but an assessment of the state of another. Of course, only these words alone are not enough to develop an inner cordial ear, but after all, it will develop, but not become dull.