A child without a father
When the father is absent. If the father is far away, when a child is born and growing up, this does not mean that the father can not feel a sense of belonging to him, take care of him or that the child will be deprived of something. On the contrary. It is necessary that the father knew everything that happens at home, and received pictures of the child. When a mother writes to him, she is sometimes inclined to tell only what is important for her: the baby is healthy, he is gaining weight, he has two teeth, the doctor says that everything is in order, in fact, he is ahead of others in development. The father wants to know all this, but even more he is interested in the small details that the mother takes for granted. Tell us how loud the child spews the air and how happy it seems after that. Tell us about everything he does in ten minutes: how he reaches for the magazine and then splashes, how he takes the diaper in his mouth, how he wrinkles and trembles when something bitter comes into his mouth, leans forward, looks at the picture,then she learns how she tears it into pieces, and slips it into her hair, crawls to the radio and beats it gravely. You will be amazed at how much you can tell, and the father will smile, imagining it. Soon you will learn to memorize the funny words of your child and then retell them to your father. None of the most skilful writer is able to convey all the amusement and touchingness of a child's speech.
Take as many pictures as possible and send everything on which anything can be discerned. Proud mothers tend to hide pictures on which she or the child does not look smart or if the child is angry or crying. But the father, who tries to imagine his family, needs not only smiling faces, just as the hungry need not just candies. Send pictures little by little, but regularly, not large packs occasionally.
There is one more consideration, more serious and important. The father( like his mother) wants to feel that he is necessary, that he helps the family. If the mother does not want him to worry, he will only tell him how easily she solved all the problems, how everything is under her control, the father will feel unnecessary. On the other hand, he should not be aware of all the secret maternal anxieties in which he can not help. But the mother always has many serious and important problems: how to spend money, so that the child can visit the village or on vacation;to send him to the kindergarten for the next autumn;Whether it is possible to allow it to climb on trees if it tears clothes and peels kolenki. Such questions would naturally be solved by the father if he were at home. Perhaps, he will look at them with a new point, unaccustomed to the mother. And if he has the opportunity to solve them, then there will be a sense of intimacy.
Mother may seem that she already gets and does not need to wait for her husband's advice. They only complicate the situation. But in the final analysis, raising a child is a matter for both parents. If the Father, long absent, starts to think that the mother is raising the child incorrectly, that he will have to correct much after his return, this can make life difficult for the whole family for a long time. Sometimes it is better for a mother( or father) to agree with a decision that she thinks is wrong in her heart of mind.
How to make up for the absence of a father. It would be foolish to argue that the absence or death of a father does not matter to the child or that the mother can easily make up for his absence. But if everything is arranged correctly, the child - a boy or a girl - will grow up normal and well-adjusted..The state of the mother's spirit is most important. Sometimes she can feel lonely, chained to the child, irritated and will take it out on the baby. This is natural and will not cause him much harm. The main thing for the mother is to try to lead a normal life, keep the girlfriends, have a rest, and have the opportunity to do something other than at home. It is difficult, if in her care the child and her no one helps. But she can invite friends or with the child to spend the night with a friend, if he easily falls asleep in an unfamiliar place. It is much more important for him to have a cheerful and sociable mother than to maintain a strict and unchanging regime. And it will not be of use to him if all the thoughts and cares of the mother, all her activities are concentrated on him alone.
A child, small or older, a boy or girl, should have friends among men if the father is not at home. A child in a year or two can simply be reminded more often that there are such creatures as friendly men, they have lower voices, clothes and manners other than women. Both the boy and the girl should be able to get acquainted with older men and older boys. A father can be served by a grandfather, uncle, cousin, a scout, a male teacher, a priest, an old friend of the family - individually or collectively. If only they were happy with the society of the child and could often see him. Any child at the age of three and older creates in his imagination an idea of the father, an ideal image, a source of inspiration, even if he does not remember his father. The other men he sees who play with him, give vitality to this imaginary image, influence him, make him more important and significant. The mother will help if she is more hospitable with the male relatives if she sends her son or daughter to the camp where there are male educators, chooses a school with male teachers, encourages the child to become a member of clubs or other organizations headed by men.
A boy without a father especially needs the opportunity to play with other boys every day, if possible, and from two years of age, mainly engage in boyish affairs. A mother who does not have other close people is tempted to make her son her attorney, to get interested in clothes and ornaments, to find out his opinion and feelings for other people, to give him books that she likes, to engage in activities that she loves herself. If she manages to make his world more attractive to him than the boy's world( where he has to make his own way himself), he can grow up in years not developed, but with women's interests. Of course, it's good if the mother spends a lot of time with her boy, if they rest and play together, but she should let him go his own way, share his interests, and not just entice him with his. Help frequent invitations to the home of other boys, participate in common with them fun and travel.