The tension in the relationship of the wife and husband is normal.
In some families, harmony is established between young parents and grandparents. In others, disputes begin. In the majority, at the beginning there is a slight tension associated with caring for the first child, but eventually it falls off.
A happy young woman who possesses natural natural self-confidence and can calmly turn to the mother for help if she needs it. And when the grandmother something offers, the mother can accept this offer if it considers it necessary, or tactfully refuse and act in its own way.
But most young parents at first do not have such self-confidence. And like any newcomer, they react painfully to any doubts about their "incompetence" and possible criticism.
Most grandmothers remember this from their own youth and are struggling to stay out of their way. On the other hand, they really have have experience, believe that they have developed the ability to reason with reason, they are very fond of grandchildren and can not give up their opinions. They see that since the time they raised their own children, there have been amazing changes - the feeding schedule has become more flexible, they have offered solid food before, they are later planted on a pot - and it's hard for them to get used to it. Even if they adopt new methods, it seems to them that parents use them with excessive zeal.(When you become grandparents yourself, you probably will understand better what I mean.)
I think that young parents will maintain good relations with their elders if they have the courage to let them express their opinion and even ask them about it. In the final analysis, frank discussion is much better than disguised hints and heavy silence. A mother who is sure that she is raising a child correctly can say: "I know that you do not like this method, and again I will talk with the doctor to make sure that I understood everything correctly."This does not mean that the mother surrenders. It reserves the right to itself to make a decision. She only admits the grandmother's good intentions and her obvious concern. When a young mother shows respect to her grandmother, her grandmother begins to believe that her daughter will cope not only with this problem, but with any problems in the future.
A grandmother will help her mother in her work if she shows confidence in her and her ability to use new methods. This will prompt the mother and the next time, when there is a need, to turn to the grandmother for advice and help.
When children are left in the care of grandparents - for half a day or for two weeks - there must be complete mutual understanding and readiness to compromise. Parents should be sure that the most important thing about children will be taken care of in accordance with their principles( for example, they will not be forced to eat what they do not like, they will not be ashamed of wet panties or scared by policemen).On the other hand, it is unfair to demand from your parents that they, for the sake of caring for their grandchildren, try to become exact copies of their mother and father. A child can not be hurt if he shows a little more respect for his grandparents, since this is what they expect of him if he dines at another time or if he pays more or less attention to the purity of his hands. If parents do not like how grandparents treat children, then they should not ask them to take care of their grandchildren.