Define individual methods of promotion

One of my children could do almost anything, if he thought that you would be upset if he did not. This approach was really effective, although I always had to think about not exposing the child to emotional blackmail. He always dreamed of approval, and I successfully used this as an incentive for him. And of course, after he did something, I had to tell him how pleased I was, impressed, admired and touched by his deed.

But the other was absolutely not interested in my approval or disapproval. But at the same time he was very worried whether he was considered an adult and a responsible person. So as an incentive for him I could use this.

All my children needed different stimuli, and not at all those that seemed essential to me( one, as I found out, works almost in all cases - it's chocolate, although, as you remember, it is not necessary to reward children for making sweets).Some of these incentives are emotional: approval, attitude as an adult. Others are more individualized incentives for each child: increased responsibility, status, monetary allowance, freedom. In other words, the child can be rewarded with the opportunity to cook something for the whole family, buying clothes that, in his opinion, will increase his status in the company of peers, or leave him to go to bed later.

In short, you can not use the same incentive methods with each child, because nothing will happen in that case. Neither you will achieve anything from the child, nor will he receive what he really wants. So you need to understand well what exactly is working on the child and how to do it better. Of course, the specific embodiment of the reward will change as a child grows up, but it is more than likely that if your kid most appreciates freedom at the age of two, he will continue to appreciate it when he becomes a teenager. However, most likely, he will no longer perceive as a reward the permission to climb the stairs, without holding on to your hand.

And in those rare cases when you have to think not about the carrot, but about the whip, the nature of punishment should also be different. One child will not care at all if you deprive him of his pocket money for a week, while the other will be horrified. It is necessary to base punishment on the same basic concepts as promotion: freedom, money, status, approval.