The illusion of self-esteem

This illusion is associated with an inadequate level of claims. We'll figure it out all over.

Lived in Germany, a wonderful psychologist Kurt Levin. In Hitler's time he emigrated to the United States. Several young then Soviet psychologists were seconded to him( back in Germany) for study. Among them was Bluma Vulfovna Zeigarnik. I gave her the candidate's examination in general psychology and on pathopsychology and I consider her my TEACHER.She returned to the USSR and became a professor at the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University. And the other two Russian "psychologists" became non-returnees and together with Kurt Levin emigrated to the United States. I can not help but boast that in one of them, Maria Arsentyevna Rikkers Ovsyankina, in 966 I met and had the luck to drive her through the Tretyakov Gallery( I even made awkward photos).It was the World Congress of Psychologists in Moscow. Later in Leninka( now the State Public Library) I studied the fundamental works she wrote on the Rorshakh test, and when I drove By Tretyakov, I did not know that she had any works. The second one - Tamara Dembo - was not my acquaintance. But I respect her very much and thank her for suggesting a simple and effective method of studying self-esteem, which I use and quote everywhere. This work Tamara Dembo did in the laboratory of Levin( stress all psychologists put on the last syllable).Slightly modifying this technique,

introduced it into the everyday life of Soviet pathopsychologists Susanna Yakovlevna Rubinshtein.

So what follows from this work?

Take the scale:

At the top we will place the smartest, below the most stupid. Where would you place yourself?- asked a tricky question to the person being studied. These can be many, but most often four.

On the first scale, the smartest are the most stupid. Further the most beautiful are the ugliest;the most kind are the most evil;the most successful - the most unfortunate. ..

I'm just about the results. Most of the mentally healthy people( do not believe it - check it out easily) disposes yourself on each scale just above the middle. Mentally ill patients with severe, so-called endogenous, depression place themselves below. Mentally ill with manic syndrome - at the top. Psychopaths, neurotics and students( in different versions) rush on the scale. .. Well, a person with a stable psyche - as I said, on the average - disposes of himself just above the middle. It is understandable. Declare yourself a beauty of all times and peoples too responsible. Well, well. .. I'm not worse, but a little better than the average person - it's not so provocative, and at the same time, self-esteem does not suffer much. Sheep are whole - wolves are full. What is interesting about this seemingly absolutely innocent fact: just above the middle? It is interesting that this is also an illusion. Illusion of self-esteem. Nuda, a little higher. .. But let's continue. Socrates would ask:

- If I consider myself a little above the middle, then my husband should be just above the middle, in the middle or just below the middle?

Many-voiced Choir:

- Of course, above the middle. . Socrates( my voice):

- Does it get in the middle middle or slightly above the middle? Choir:

- The middle reaches middle. ..

Let's explain what "middle" means. The middle on the average is just the human being adequate to me in quality. A query, the level of claims, albeit not much, but inadequately overstated. But what does it mean - not much. After all, when a person marks himself on the scales of Tamara Dembo, he is still a little shy. In fact, he considers himself a little higher than noted. But "out of modesty" notes itself is not so high. But anyway, if I consider myself above the middle, and fate pins me, agrees to give me only the middle, then. ..

- Will I be satisfied with my destiny? Asks Socrates.

- Hardly - with a sigh agrees Chorus.

Yes, the gap between the desired and the real is small. But he is chronic. And he is in everything. And it's not just me who drills, but also my mother, and maybe other relatives. Yes, he could have been more literate. Yes, she could have been more beautiful. However, you can also swap phrases. It is chronic, but it is not large. Here, from the change in the places of the terms, something is still changing. Small, then, not immediately, not dramatically affects the relationship. So flour - also chronic, gradually accumulate. .. But in the end a threshold is reached. And the results of this illusion are combined with the results of the first two illusions.

So, there are three illusions. But they, precisely they, cause dissatisfaction with marriage, destabilize it, entail a break and divorce. I came up with a figurative comparison, which I use for many years in lectures, trainings, scientific reports. I call the three illusions the corners of the Bermuda triangle, in which love boats are drowning. In other words: