And he does not want a divorce
Jun 17, 2018
Look, more opportunities for replacement - from his wife. But this is not a computer calculation. The emotional side gets in the way. After a break in the relationship, who will feel worse in relation to what was said - he or she? Of course, he
REASON No. 7
Stress severity is a powerful stress. And who is more stress-resistant? Men or women? Men live less. More suffer from fatal diseases( heart attacks, strokes);and non-fatal - also more( chronic alcoholism, schizophrenia).They have 5-6 times more often completed suicides( recall: suicide = suicide).So let's talk that men are less stress-resistant.
There is something to clarify. It has already been said that women are more emotional, if we mean the mobility of emotions. But men, we decided, are more emotional in the sense that they have a deeper power of emotional experience. Their emotions are more energetic. Now it is important for us that the stress caused by the rupture of relationships, he is stronger. .. She has tears, and he has a hole in
It is clear that his stress would have decreased, there was immediately an adequate replacement. But he does not have a worthy replacement, but she will have a replacement. What do people do to alleviate mental suffering? All of us, when we are ill, go to friends for sympathy. Emotional resonance is important to us. And when you break with your loved ones, too. Friends will understand, but to them with their pain
must be addressed. For a woman, this is very natural. And for a man? What am I, a girl, or what? I can not do it myself, but will I cry in my vest?. . And he does not go. It's harder for him. But if it does, then who will more easily express his pain, indignation in search of sympathy? And who will get it sooner? She peeks for the coffee, she'll say it. To him, to get it out, there are not enough cigarettes and coffee, he needs a drink. Incidentally, this is one of the reasons for male alcoholism. But for us now it is important to another: a man, in order to open, you need a more serious anesthesia. Hence, suffering is overcome more. Here, too, is the psycho-technique of communication. We rephrase the phrase that has become classical for a long time( "happiness is when you are understood"): "misfortune is when you do not understand."However, "no one understands me, and I must silently die. .." - written much earlier. And some literary critics say that in Tatyana Larina, Pushkin portrayed himself. Yes, it is not far from the neurosis, depression, suicide. It turns out that men are harder to survive the gap - and therefore do not go for divorce.
REASON No. 8
But what about the sacramental theme - sexuality? The woman slowly grows tall. Therefore, the woman is calmer than he, carries the gap. In men, as we know, sexuality at a young age is already "playing" with might and main. The gap is more difficult to transfer to him. To the pain of personal loneliness, pain of sexual loneliness joins. Forced masturbation is physiologically harmless, but the experience of sexual solitude is enhanced, even if it knows about harmlessness. Often, loneliness is compensated by sexual contact with a woman much older than him or with significantly less attractive than a departed wife. It happens that sexual loneliness leads to same-sex contacts. Modern sexology here also lifts prohibitions. Bisexuality is not uncommon, harmless and non-pathological. But even if bisexuality is accepted as an option, all the same the contact of a man with a man is regarded as something surrogate, if there is no beloved wife.
The foresight of this development of events or even the experience on this account frightens the young husband, and he does not want a divorce.
REASON No. 9
For many men, paternity is a particularly significant "moment" in marriage. Therefore, with the advent of the child, the position of the young husband is aggravated altogether. Here much is far from unambiguous. Therefore, we will clarify something.
Generally speaking, there are more bad fathers than bad mothers( here again we recall Geodakian's reasoning).Bad mothers also meet: abandoned in maternity homes and abandoned in orphanages children - morality and here screams. But not about bad, but about normal fathers, of whom the overwhelming majority, and about quite normal mothers, we are talking. Paternal feeling is especially acute in menepileptoids. And among husbands there are more epileptoids. Here are the hypertensions - those who are not too affected by excommunication from the child. There are a lot of hypertens among men, but they do not marry, but more often so simply - they communicate sexually, - so that among their husbands they are the least. Other psychotypes may not be as acute as epileptoids, but they also worry about their children.
So, in the general mass of male males, who value paternity, the majority. And when divorced contrary to the law and in accordance with established practice, the child remains almost always with the mother. The father is almost completely deprived of the right to communicate with his child. He has one right( it is also the duty) to pay alimony.
During the quarrels, the husband and wife clarify their abilities regarding the child. In the end, he and she understand that the child will remain with her. And that she can "give" the child, or "not give".
The child here as an object, as a tool of torture. If the father loves the child, then the break with him is terrible for him. Probably, it is even heavier than losing a wife. After all, a new wife, all the same, you can find the first and forget. And the loss of a child is irreparable, because the child - his own blood, he gets used to it from the moment of his birth, the child is forgotten much more difficult. And so if the gap with his wife, and with the child, then the stress of the gap for her husband - double. No - triple. Postulate that the gap with the child is heavier, well, let it double. .. Plus a break with his wife. ..
The fear of losing a child makes the position of a husband very dependent. He does not want a divorce.
In the case of divorce, a man is deprived of most of the acquired, including( and most importantly) dwellings. How is it most often solved about housing? From a two-room apartment made by the truth, he goes to a room in a communal apartment, and she and her child go to a one-room apartment. A respectable man who is conscientious, as they say, takes an electric shaver and leaves. That is, in the property problem, it is thrown back to the beginning of the process - everything has to start again. And if he leaves behind something under the law, he suffers moral damage in the eyes of society and friends.
Such property collapse further increases the stress of the gap. And her husband avoids divorce in every possible way. ..
And the main thing, the main thing. .. Yes, the main thing. Here was a divorce, well, or leading to it a break in relations. Or even just the tension that leads to the rupture. .. The wife has already found a substitute, although not necessarily a marriage, but with a tendency to marriage - or even without a tendency. .. but regular intimate relationships have already been established. CHANGE For the husband - this is heartache. The gap in itself is a small death. Beat on self-esteem. Shame on publicity. A betrayal of men is much harder than women.
In this jealousy of men is more profound, biogenic. The horrible experiments were put in place( which the schizoid scientists would not do to establish the truth). I would not put such experiments, because for me everything is clear, and such experimenters would put to the pillory because the experiments they set were terrible. But they set. To insure. So, the male chimpanzee sank into a cage, which was placed next to the cage, where his harem remained. Now even children know that in many animals males form harems. So, in a cage with his harem, another male was planted before his eyes, who did what he wanted with the females. But nayto, nashto could only see, but could do nothing. He suffered and died from myocardial infarction. They set the female off. She suffered. .. but she did not die.
Are afraid of the husbands of female infidelity. And they resist divorce. CAUSE №2
Let not the main, but still. Before marriage, dinners, suppers, and more importantly - breakfast was prepared by his mother. Married - this honorable function often passes to his wife. Divorce. Well, not that he remained hungry, but the universe suddenly moved. The house collapses, stereotypes collapse, the world collapses. Cold, hungry, uncomfortable without a home borscht and cutlets. In the smoke-filled( because of the psychotrauma) apartment. And this is also a psychic effect on him;with the prospect of staying without dinner( she did not leave him a dinner), he feels helpless. And because again he does not want a divorce.
REASON # 3
And now again about what's more important. Maybe even more important than that. I said that in case of disagreement, a child can.her husband "give", and maybe "not give."And he said that here the child acts as an object. But even a five-year-old child is already a subject, he has his own motives, his ideas about life. Very dependent, however, on the influence of my mother. He knows that in the event of a divorce he will stay with his mother. It has already happened to other children. And to the natural umbilical attachment is added also what he sees: mother - in the house of the headmistress. Mom gives his dad money for a dinner with a cigarette, and he, the child, has ice cream for breakfast. It's clear, Daddy's bigger, that's why Mom gives more to his dad, but Mom gives him and his father. And in this respect he and his father are on equal terms.
And here's the day off. Dad and son are constructing something, my mother is preparing a delicious dinner. From the kitchen, attracting smells are heard. Mama, the main magician and master, announces: "Well, men, did you wash your hands? March for the table "And he is with the child as if in one enclosure. As literary man, Leonid Zhukhovitsky, rightly noted, for a small child the breadwinner is the one who puts porridge on the table. And as a result, a child, even a boy, at emotional quarrels with parents emotionally unites with his mother. The father finds himself in isolation and is experiencing the threat of a break and with the child. No, divorce is like the death of
So, we have accumulated as many as thirteen reasons( a dozen dozen), according to which young men do not want a divorce. .. It seems that a woman appreciates marriage before marriage. How many efforts and tricks - to marry, how much suffering, that the "Old Maiden" is not married, "stayed in the girl", "nobody needs" - tears, reproaches for parents, and parents - in her
address. .. Menthey do not marry - they do not allow themselves to be surrounded, they have not yet walked up, they have not yet created the foundation for the family. But married, and is afraid of divorce, appreciates marriage in marriage.
And she no longer remembers the time when she suffered, and seeks to free herself from the bonds.
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